I'm fairly new to anxiety, since I've only been feeling like this for a month and a half or so. Well first of all, I am a teenager. And everyone may think it's stupid to be feeling like this, but it really is tearing me apart. So I have this lovely boyfriend, who is kind, understanding of my situation, makes me laugh, treats me good, and we've been going out for over a year. And since the weird feelings started, I've been having doubts of my love for him, even though I know I definitely love him! We share so much in common, and I was in love with him for 4 or 5 years until he actually noticed me. And our relationship may not be perfect, but it's everything I ever wanted!
So here's a bit of background, my mother remarried again around 9 years ago, before that it was just her and I. And her relationship with my step dad was okay, until around the second year. See, my step dad has anger problems, and other issues, he's also adopted. That's when the arguing began. They would argue quite a bit, and It would really scare me. And then, 5 years ago my little sister was born. There was always tension in my house, and my younger sister hadn't really been raised properly. And now, as she is 5, she is spoiled, rude, mean and sometimes violent. Also, the situation with my mom
And stepdad aren't the greatest either. My mom is constantly telling me she wants a divorce and that she doesn't want to be with him anymore, their relationship is falling apart really. Back in 2010 or so, the argument got out of hand and my stepdad ended up kicking our front door in. He would never hurt anyone of course, but he still kicked the door in out of anger. My uncle was also there and he got involved, and I think it really traumatized me. A few days later my mom, sister and I had to stay at a shelter for a night. I think this whole even traumatized my sister and I, and really, I think we're a little messed up now.
So this is where my boyfriend comes in. It was the beginning of grade 8 when we started dating, and it wasn't really that intense. Sort of puppy love. We didn't kiss until around a few months in, and we barely saw each other outside of school. We were on and off a few times, but when summer rolled along that's when our relationship really bloomed. We started hanging out a lot more, and I would go to his house, and he would come to mine. He even slept over once because his parents were going out of town and he was supposed to spend the weekend with me at my trailer. We spent the whole weekend together and I loved it. I'm even close with his family now. I joke around with them, and I'm always there. Their family is really tight knit, and not as disfunctional as my own. I know I love my boyfriend, but why am I having these thoughts about not loving him? Sometimes I even feel attracted to other guys, and it makes me feel guilty.
I'm writing this during our winter break, and I'm also nervous to go back to school. I don't want to, it scares me. The anxiety eased off during Christmas but now I feel it coming back. And I don't want to put my supportive boyfriend through that again. I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor yet, but I'm almost positive I have general anxiety disorder or something along those lines. Thank you for reading and I hope to get some answers soon.
I think first you need to identify what exactly makes you stressed? when is it worse? is there things that happen to make it better or worse? You say it may your relationship, however it may be something else. To identify the root cause I would suggest thinking exactly what makes you stressed and why, lay it all out and evaluate it. Do you feel anxious about anything else? family? school? work? If so, think why they make you anxious and that can be helped. And with your boyfriend, as you said he is really supportive which is what you need, allow him to help you, but don't rely on him too much, as you have to find a way to battle the anxiety alone. Just reassure him how thankful you are that he supports you, and try to take some time out for the both of you and do something fun/nice together, I'm sure when you relax and release the anxiety, you'll realise that you do love him, and you don't need to worry. After that, you can evaluate the rest of your life and try to do the same.
Just remember, calm down and break it down into manageable parts, deal with it piece by piece, you have plenty of time.