my dear life
Hello. I should start by saying my name is Mortisha and I am a teen. For starters, I feel like this should count as a vital piece of information, I created this account because I feel like I have no one else to turn to. I live with my mother and my step-father whom my mother has been with for just about 7 years. He was an immigrant from Mexico and just recently became a citizen thanks to marrying my mother. The first moment I laid eyes on him, I knew I didn't like him. I suppose any 8 year old wouldn't like to see their mother with anyone other than their father. And well, the last time I saw my father was in 4th grade. He dropped me off at school and then he got deported. Didn't say a word to me about it, just left me to be with my aunt in Texas, while my mother lived in Florida. I soon went back to live with my mom. I'm a freshman now and me and my father have lost whatever relationship we had over ********. (I know that probably sounds ridiculous). Anyways, I'm here to talk the mental and emotional pain that my mom is suffering from and has been affecting me for the longest. My mother is a very hard working woman. She works 7 days a week and maintains a 2 bedroom apartment, I sleep in the living room, my 2 brothers who are 17 and 21 share a room and my stepfather who is 28 (my mother is 10 years older than him), of course sleeps with my mom. My stepfather, at this point I'm disgusted by calling him my stepfather repeatedly so I'll just call him Jon. Jon has no job. He "works" at a car wash, or so my mother says. I usually come home to find that he is in their room, laying down like the dead beat he is, watching a soap opera (if that's how you spell it haha). The house is always a mess. It just bothers me that he spends the whole day here and doesn't bother to help out and pick up. On some days I end up picking up because I feel sorry for my mother. He argues with her very often, not as often as most disturbed couples would. I guess I should think it's normal because arguing is what couples do, right? Especially older ones. Well, I just feel strongly that Jon takes advantage of my mom in every way possible. I mean, she provides food, shelter, pays most if not all of the bills, cleans, and pretty much babies him. I've tried to talk to her about her deserving better a numerous amount of times but she always gets really defensive. It's like there's no way of getting through to her. She knows she deserves better but she thinks that there isn't any better out there. And I doubt that she's willing to look for any. Actually, I'm positive because she told me. Oh, I also forgot to mention that my brothers are both drop outs and they works at fast food places. The younger one is moving out sometime this week, but not even they do much around here either. Obviously, they don't treat her as bad as Jon does, or so I don't think. But they smoke a lot of weed. My mother has clearly stated to them for years now that them smoking upsets her deeply and they continue to use. Honestly, I don't really care that they use, I just wish they were more discrete about it. She recently found out that I myself have been smoking for just about a year now and since I have quit for the sake of my mom's emotional state. I also recently got suspended from school for calling one of my teachers an *******. I know it was such a stupid decision on my part, and I have no one to blame but myself. But really it was an impulse decision. That hurt my mom. I try do what I can to make her happy because I know she's missing out on life's joy but I can't really blame her. She works so much for us and she's trying to buy a house. Oh also, I keep forgetting to mention, my mom is also sick. She has been bleeding from her uterus for a month now and she went to the doctors 2 times. The first time they told her that she would need to seek professional help and that they would check for cancer cells. When she told me that, my heart broke. The second time they told her that since she wasn't experiencing any pain the chances of cancer were slim and when she told me that a rush of euphoria rushed through my body. It was the most joyful news I had heard in months. So it's safe to say that she has a lot of problems and a lot of stress. I just feel like everything is going wrong for her and she just has so many problems. I wish there was something I could do to help her. I just feel so lonely. I don't do much myself. I stay home and listen to music and watch TV sometimes. I can't even lie, I'm so consumed in social networking also. I feel like I'm not even a person anymore. I don't do any physical activity because I am the queen of procrastination and laziness. I know I have a few friends who I can trust to tell my problems too but I don't dare tell them about what hurts the most. Which is this. Family issues. Issues with myself. I don't know what to do with my life. I've considered joining a club or doing something I enjoy or am talented at to take my mind of off these things. But there's not much I enjoy and I don't exactly have a talent. So yeah, I'm pretty much lost and confused and hurt and lonely. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm trying not to lose hope because I know that there are many things to be hopeful for.
Anyways, sorry this had to be so long. I just had to get that off my chest. And if you've actually took the time to read this far than thank you. Any kind of feedback that you have to offer is greatly appreciated. Thanks again.
Last edited by mod85; 04-17-2013 at 06:50 PM.