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Old 07-27-2013, 03:32 AM   #1
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Is this wrong? Super long.

My ex boyfriend, I'll call him T, and I dated for about 3 months. And it was an amazing 3 months. He treated me like a princess, pampered me, and loved me non stop. We were always together, you would see us all the time at school, he took me to lunch with him and his best friend everyday, bought me lunch, we would do homework together even though we only had one class together. We were the best couple your ever meet. We really were in love. I had taken his virginity only a month after we got together. And after that had sex repeatedly. Amazing sex.
T started smoking weed after 2 months of us dating, and I didn't know. I'd never been around weed, or anyone who smoked weed. I didn't know the signs, but I did know that something in him had changed. About a month after he started smoking, he told me, and me being against all drugs and alcohol, I freaked out. I cried and cried and cried, all day long. T was working when he texted me and told me, and avoided talking to me after he did tell me. He had to work the next day too, and again, in the middle of his shift, he told me that he was breaking up with me. I had no idea what to do. And like any teenage girl in love would do, I fought it. I tried everything to get him to not ruin our relationship. I told him that I would change and be okay with him smoking weed. But he knew it was a lie, I would never forgive him for it. We stopped talking for about 2 weeks. The class we had together, was really awkward. He sat in the row beside me, one person back. It was so hard to look at him talking to people, girls happy. We started texting again, and like it had used to be, everything was calm, easy, we got along, we still talked about everything, told each other everything. It was like it had used to be, and at one point I was so close to getting him to take me back.
But then K came in. She and her boyfriend of 4 years had broken up, T and K didn't exactly get together, but they hung out, and almost slept together, they stopped because she was still in love with her ex. They stopped talking.
T and I continued talking, and we continued having sex, we snuck around, had sex in his truck, we would drive to the middle of nowhere to have sex.
T got a girlfriend. I thought it was just to make me jealous, because during our relationship, we had problems because all of my friends are guys, and he got so jealous. I didn't think much if his girlfriend, because I knew they wouldn't last. Well they did. While they dated, we had sex, 3 times, and you know all that lovey dovy, make out stuff. No one else knew but us. We both lied to everyone about what we were doing. Their relationship lasted about 4 months, but he was mostly in it because she was a screamer, I'm not. He dumped his girlfriend about 2 weeks ago, and he didn't tell me until 2 days after.
Me, still a teenager in love, I jumped at the chance to make him happy. So we slept together, I had missed his warm, comfy bed. We had a pregnancy scare. A big one, I was throwing up and my period was late. We were both terrified. We talked about having a baby, we both knew we couldn't keep it, and although I wasn't pregnant, I would have loved to have his baby. He would be an amazing dad.
So here I am today, dealing with my ex boyfriend, the one I'm in love with, the one that parties, drinks, and smokes weed, all things I am against. Its not that bad because I've gotten used to it, and the fact that he smokes weed actually turns me on, a lot. We decided that we would not have any more pregnancy scares, and opt for just oral. I don't care if I don't receive anything, I just need him in my life. I am scared that he will hate me, or refuse to talk to me if we don't continue doing those kinds of things, I really don't have a problem with it, as long as I don't have a baby right now. And I don't want him to not be in my life, he is my life. I need him.
So, to sum it up, I'm having sex with my ex boyfriend, we cheated on his girlfriend, and that ended the relationship. We still do things, but only sexual things. Is this wrong? Should I stop doing things for him? I know he is using me, and I'm okay with it.

Last edited by missminnie; 07-27-2013 at 04:08 AM.

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 05:26 AM   #2
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

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Originally Posted by missminnie View Post
We still do things, but only sexual things. Is this wrong? Should I stop doing things for him? I know he is using me, and I'm okay with it.
oh sweety, this guy doesn't even care enough about you or respect you enough to be your boyfriend, he only comes around for sex. He's a teenage boy who will take what you offer (that's what teenage boys do), but don't allow yourself to be used like some sex toy, you are more than that, you just need to believe in yourself and realize you deserve better. How can you love someone who wouldn't even give you the time of day unless he was getting something sexual out of it? I think you need to ask yourself why you have such a low opinion of yourself that you set your standards so low.

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 07:27 AM   #3
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Hi missminnie,

Just read the last line of your message!!...
Stop looking at this guy through Rose Coloured Spectacles. He's not worth your time.
If you tell him it's over and (mean it), I could almost bet he wont bat an eyelid. He is the type who will just move on to the next one and do just the same with her.
There is someone out there who will be a proper boyfiend and show you some respect but first you must learn to respect yourself.
Good Luck,

Solofelix.

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 09:17 AM   #4
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Hi Minnie, if you are happy the way things are then just go with it.. He treats you OK and does not abuse you so be happy and enjoy your life. There will always be a special place in his heart for you because you were his first real love and he will never forget you. Take care.....

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 11:16 AM   #5
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Above all, it does sound to me a bit ... how shall I put it? ... crazy or maybe even unhealthy rather than really wrong. Although it looks like you guys cheated on his girlfriend deliberately, and that sounds unfair. Deliberate cheating is much worse than acidental impulsive cheating. Why do you say he is using you? Maybe he is, but don't get me wrong: you are also using him in a way. You say you are ok with it, but I don't know how long this situation will last. I think this is, if anything, a "relationship" to be enjoyed for the "fun" (?) of it, not for the long term, unless you guys decide to "grow up" together. That said, I don't think you should bring a baby into this picture.

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 11:23 AM   #6
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Missminnie

It is clear how much you love this guy, and how strong yout feelings for each other were first, but I am going to speak to you: firstly forget the teenage excuse for a second. You have made a choice and you need to consider it: this guy is trying to change you when he himself might grow up and change, and he is putting you through the stress of competing with other girls, even referred to one of them as his 'girlfriend' while still dating you...how on earth is he going to make a good dad when he can't be responsible for you and your feelings?
I just want to say that you are young and you have the world ahead of you, don't change who you are for anybody no matter how you love them cause the guy who loved you will accept whoever you are - and one compromise lead to another.
My advice is enjoy your life, hang out with friends, you never know you might change your mind about him yourself..you are too young to settle and commit yourself to someone like him.....Give yourself a chance. you deserve better

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 12:54 PM   #7
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

All of your comments made me cry. I don't know what do do. He seriously means the world to me, I would hate myself if I lost him because I said no to him. I know I can do better then him, and I am looking for someone else. I don't really have any friends, we moved here in October, and I'm very very shy at school. So I depend on my boyfriend, I feel lonely when u don't have anyine to text or talk to at night. And sometimes T is there for me, but he's mostly not because he likes to party and smoke weed with his best friend. (Who is VERY good looking.) I'm trying to not reserve myself for T because I know he's not the one for me. But I don't want to put up with another heartbreak. It was horrible the first time, and if I do tell him no more sex or anything, he'll stop talking to me.

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 01:12 PM   #8
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Hi, so what's the deal?.......you said in your last post you just moved and had no friends and your original post you said your boyfriend got jealous because you had a lot of male friends......which one is the truth?

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 05:47 PM   #9
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

May I ask how you get along with your Mom and Dad? The reason I ask is that your opinion of yourself is so low that you must have learned this from either or both of your parents.

You don't need any man. Needing and wanting are two separate issues. You need to learn how to like yourself for who you are and that starts with first accepting yourself and facing all your problems. Have you considered therapy to learn how to build up your self-esteem?

I feel so sorry for you, I really do...

Sunny

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 09:53 PM   #10
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenvegas View Post
Hi, so what's the deal?.......you said in your last post you just moved and had no friends and your original post you said your boyfriend got jealous because you had a lot of male friends......which one is the truth?
We just moved here. And I'm not good at making friends but the friends I do have are guys, guys that were in some of my classes. And what I meant by no friends is I never have anyone to hang out with. Like yeah I hang out with ONE of them every few weeks but not very much. Life have friends to text, but not friends to hang out with and go and do things with.

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 09:59 PM   #11
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyrise View Post
May I ask how you get along with your Mom and Dad? The reason I ask is that your opinion of yourself is so low that you must have learned this from either or both of your parents.

You don't need any man. Needing and wanting are two separate issues. You need to learn how to like yourself for who you are and that starts with first accepting yourself and facing all your problems. Have you considered therapy to learn how to build up your self-esteem?

I feel so sorry for you, I really do...

Sunny
My mom and dad treat me like crap. They don't abuse me, but they make fun of me a lot, and just earlier I got yelled at for NOTHING. I didn't do one thing wrong.
My dad didn't like T because he's Mexican and my dad is super racist. He was fine with T when we were dating but after we broke up that's all my dad did, is criticize T. And T is very well mannered around parents.
And no. I haven't considered therapy. We can't afford it. We can hardly afford anything. I'm an only child, but my dad loves to spend money. If he wants something, he's getting it.doesn't matter if we're supposed to be saving, or if a bill isn't paid. He will get what he wants, just like everything has to be the way he wants it to be.
I'm just bringing up a bunch of crap so I'm sorry if none of that made sense.

 
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Old 07-28-2013, 05:53 AM   #12
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Are you currently living with this guy? If that's the case then you seriously need to get out of there immediately. It's an extremely unhealthy environment for you to be in because he is a toxic presence in your life that is bringing you down. You need to find some friends ASAP and start spending time with them instead of wasting your life on this loser. He is pretty worthless and it's very clear that the only reason he keeps you around is for the sex part. You deserve a lot better than to be someone's toy. I wish you would respect yourself more and see that too. But unfortunately the longer you allow him to keep using you like this, the more your self esteem will continue to spiral downward and you won't be able to crawl your way back out without some counseling of some sort.

Get involved in some extra curricular activities in school and meet some new friends. At your age it's so easy to make new friends. The more time you spend with other people and not with him, the less you will care what he is doing. And please find a new place to live if you're still living together! That's such an unhealthy situation! If you were my friend I would have smacked you upside the head by now to get out of there and get this loser out of your life for good. Nothing good can happen for you by clinging to this guy. You're already exhibiting many signs of low self esteem and it's only going to get worse the longer you keep him in your life.

 
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Old 07-28-2013, 06:46 AM   #13
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

Hi Minnie,

I agree with Kszan that learning how to respect yourself is really important yet that comes with just living life and experiencing life situations.

When I was about your age I had a rough time as my Mom was very critical of me and kicked me out of the house all the time (this was when I was still in high school). One of her reasons was she didn't want me dating a guy I had met (even though I was not having sex with him). My Dad was rarely home so he didn't know what was really going on. I was also very shy and was not good at making friends. Other students in school extended their friendships to me and that's how I made friends.

I think you have some really good morals as far as being against smoking weed and alcohol. You should be really proud of yourself for that as most young girls your age are already smoking weed and drinking themselves.

Anyway, I can see why you feel that you need this guy so much, he is giving something to you that your parents are not which is attention. I think it's normal for you to think that this is love but you will find out later on in life that it's not really love and that you really don't need T. I think people get confused about sex and love. They think sex is a form of love but in your situation it's just sex.

You made this guy T the center of your world and I'm afraid you will just keep on hurting. If you want to continue to have sex with T, just know that it will go nowhere. T will find other girls to have sex with and either you will agree to be part of this or you will find the strength to say no to him. Who knows? You may even be proud of yourself for saying no...

You deserve so much better but I can say that because I lived those young years already and with age I became wiser about guys, life, love, etc.

If I knew you in real life I would urge you to stick to your studies, forget about dating right now as that will come later, and try to make some friends that are more stable, have a more healthy family life. Again, when I was about your age I "adopted" my friend's families because those families were more healthy compared to my own.

I hope this helps a little bit,
Sunny

 
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Old 07-28-2013, 06:16 PM   #14
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

I agree with everything everyone has said. You say if you cut off the physical part of the relationship he would be gone.....that tells you right there that he is using you! You deserve better than this! Don't settle!

 
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:54 PM   #15
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Re: Is this wrong? Super long.

You would not have posted this if you did not know in your heart and gut that this is not OK. The others are right about your low self esteem, but it is what do do about it that is hard. You have more to give than being a booty call for this boy, and he is just not interested in you as a person. He knows what you like to hear so you think he is loving, but actions speak louder than words. His actions are not acceptable, but it is you who are allowing this. You are selling yourself cheaply because you have a low value on yourself. Of course he will snap up this bargain! No relationship work, no commitment, other girls whenever he like etcetc, and then sex on demand if he can't score. You are a person, not a Kleenex! Only you can stop this, so forget all your excuses, none of them justify this situation. Sera

 
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