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Old 05-31-2006, 04:18 PM   #1
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Rebekah Wright HB User
Question My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

My husband went from being the type of person that never got mad to being mad almost every day all day. If he doesn't have anything to get mad at he will make something up or get made about something stupid like using the wrong sponge to clean the b-room and he'll actually be irritated for days.
At first I had no idea what was going on, I thought he was bipolar or even schizaphrenic. We have 2 kids (3 and 5 years old) that are the sweetest kids ever and what upsets me the most is how he treats them and how this might affect them.
He goes through ups and downs, he gets so angry that he yells and screams, punches holes in the walls, talks loud and fast (when is typically soft spoken) he is paranoid thinks I cheat on him when I have never cheated on him before or during our marriage. (We have been together since highschool 13 years) He is a totally different person. He honestly acts like the devil.
I had no choice but to leave because one day he got so mad that he took all of my clothes put them in the tub thru bleach all over them and then dumped bleach on me from head to toe. Broke my windsheild in my car, woke our daughter up at 2am in the morning to tell her how horrible her mother is of course she was so scared she didn't know what to do. He kicked the bedroom door in. Before all of this happened he took my keys so I couldn't leave. This rage lasts a few days and then follows with deppression and threats of suicide. Maybe another week goes by and he will pretend like nothing has happened and try to joke around sexually, its really weird.
I am not living with him but he calls and torments me everyday. He came to the kids soccer game cussed me out in front of all the parents and kids and slashed my tires after I gave him money because I felt bad for him (oh I forgot to mention that he doesn't have a job) He can only be nice for a few days at a time and then he repeats the cycle again. He blames everything on the graves disease but doesn't want to go to the Dr. He had his thyroid killed twice with the radioactive iodine pill (first time it didn't take) I'm not sure if worked this time either because he is still out of control. He says he wants to die and that's why he's not going to the Dr. What should I do.
Can he die from this if he doesn't take synthroid or some sort of thyroid medication? I don't know if I can or should admit him to a mental hospital. Any suggestions would help
Thanks for reading this long story!!

Last edited by Rebekah Wright; 05-31-2006 at 04:21 PM.

 
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:39 PM   #2
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hyperkim HB User
Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Yes, he desperately needs help. With RAI it could take years for the thyroid to die off and become permenantly hypothyroid. From what I have read, until that happens, the thyroid can go through periods of low thyroid production then become overactive again. When in the overactive state the thyroid can dump large amounts of hormone into the system.

What you have described sounds like what I have heard referred to as "graves rage". Basically, EVERYTHING is running at "full speed ahead". He probably hates how he's acting and can't figure out how to stop it. Plus, he probably feels drs can't do anything to help him. After all, he did take their "magic little pill" that should have corrected his problem. Not once, but TWICE. I would be frustrated too. It could be hard for him to beleive that a dr could possibly give him anything to make him feel better.

The truth is that he probably needs anti-thyroid meds (ATDs). They suppress thyroid hormone production. Then when his levels drop to hypo without the ATDs he would need thyroid hormone replacement(to bring his levels up to normal). "Possibly" going back and forth from ATDs to replacements until his thyroid completely dies off. And he is "permenantly" hypothyroid.

Probably not what you wanted to hear. Sorry. Research graves and RAI. Hopefully you will be able to help him through this tough time he is going through.

Kim
__________________
Hyperthyroidism 11/05
Confirmed Graves Dx 1/06
Adrenal fatigue Dx 8/06
Fibromyalgia Dx 1/08
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Dx 1/08

 
Old 05-31-2006, 05:00 PM   #3
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Thanks for the info. He was on the medication to lower the thryoid hormone because he so hyperactive but he refused to take it from the beginning. I have read a lot about Graves and also understand that if you let it go for too long that it can cause mental disorders I just hope this is not permanent. He is to the point where is eyes a bulging quite a bit. His levels are so out of control that they thought he was in a thyroid storm. Before the last pill he was throwing up maybe 4-5 times a day.
His testosterone is 3,500 his tsh is .0001 and I don't remember all the other labs those two stood out because they were way out of the normal range

Last edited by Rebekah Wright; 05-31-2006 at 05:09 PM.

 
Old 05-31-2006, 08:43 PM   #4
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MyBowTie HB User
Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Holy Jeez...testosterone of 3500? Mine was 214 and my doc called me sissy boy but 3500 is way high.....Is it at all possible he's taking steroids? I used to body build and know first hand about "roid rage" and that sounds an awful lot like it, combined with that extremely high testosterone. I think the range only goes to about 900, so he's 4 times the normal upper limit. Im not even sure if that can happen naturally, unless there's some sort of hormone producing tumor.

Has he ever had a pituitary MRI? A lot of what you are saying sounds like there might be some sort of pit tumor somewhere secreting extra "juice" into his system causing those violent swings.

 
Old 05-31-2006, 09:07 PM   #5
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Sounds also like he indeed might be having a thyroid storm, hope that isn't the case, but very well could be. If it is he will diffently need help....As bad as you say he is he could also be in need of meds for mental health...you may need to have him committed, because without meds with graves it can cause death if left untreated. Also they will run tests on him for thyroid levels and as well as medicate him if they think that he needs meds for mental issues as well. I would try that it seems to be the best that you could do for yourself and children as well as for him. They check everything, even for illegal drugs so that way they really can help him no matter what the problem. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with these issues. I feel for you and your children, please get him help no matter what it takes, he'll thank you for it later. Just make sure to tell them about the thyroid issues and that he is refusing to take his meds, that way they can get it started for him.

 
Old 05-31-2006, 09:09 PM   #6
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

With that history, the best thing you could do for yourself and the kids would be to write him out of your lives and wish him well.

If you have the power to have him commited, do that first.

Good luck.

 
Old 05-31-2006, 10:32 PM   #7
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Ok, I don't mean to sound harsh or cold, forgive me if this sounds heartless because I know you want to help your husband, but there are two things you need to remember.

1. He's a grown man. The doctor has given him medicine and wants to treat him, but he's refused. It isn't your job to make sure he follows doctors orders when he's so defiant about it and unwilling to help himself. He's making a choice with absolute disregard for the consequences to others and himself.

2. Whatever has him in this rage, he is dangerous! As a former victim of domestic violence believe me when I say he is very dangerous and it can and probably will escalate if you do not protect yourself now. What you have described, what you have experienced so far, until he gets help and gets whatever is causing the rages under control he could do you and your children great physical harm. He's already causing emotional harm.

He has said he wants to die and that's why he's not going to the doctor. What he's probably really saying is he's miserable and scared and he wants everyone else to be miserable and scared too; or he wants attention and these rages are a great way to get attention despite the cost to himself and his family. Either way he's too selfish and childish to recognize and think of what his lack of willingness to accept medical help is doing to his two innocent kids. He knows help is available with medication either to help his thyroid or to knock down his testosterone level, he knows he could feel better if he just followed doctors orders and stuck with treatment, yet he refuses and continues to go on these rages lashing out at you and his children, then trying to make a joke out of it when he calms down. The fact that he tries to make a joke out of it tells me he knows he's out of control and going too far, and yet he's still choosing to do nothing to prevent it from happening again.

Right now your only job is to look out for the safety of yourself and your children. He's a grown man, you aren't responsible for him. It is clear that so far he hasn't listened to your requests for him to get help and take his medication. He's not going to start listening or complying until something drastic happens. You could try to get him committed and force help on him, but I don't know what would be involved. If you can get it done he may be grateful once he's on treatment and the two of you can repair what damage has been done by his actions, but he may also go off his meds as soon as he's out and lash out against you.

If I were you first I'd talk to his doctor. Find out if the doctor can step in. Second I'd talk to a lawyer. Look into a legal separation with full custody of the kids and an order of protection, supervised visits only with the kids, until he is under treatment for his condition and has his moods under control. As much as you love him and want to help, you've tried and he's balked. There comes a time when tough love is the only way to protect yourself and hopefully wake up the other person enough that they do the right thing.

When he calls and is abusive, do not try to talk to him, do not try to reason with him, do not let yourself get sucked into the fight he's looking for. The best tactic would be to say, "[insert his name] I can't talk to you when you are so angry, I'd be happy to discuss [fill in topic] with you once you've calmed down, please do not call me again until you're able to have a conversation without such anger/launguage/attacks/name calling/whatever he does" and hang up. If he calls back, stick to your guns and do not engage in the fight he's looking for, do not let him make you go on the defensive, just repeat what you said before and hang up then turn off your phone. Make it clear to him that his daily abusive calls will no longer be accepted or put up with. If the calls get worse or he makes threats, contact the police. Also, document everything! Every over the top call, write it down. Every threat, write it down. Keep a journal of everything he says and does - leave out emotion, just write down the time, date, and what he said or did. You will need this if you do have to go after custody of the kids, you will need it to show a pattern of abuse if you go to get a protective order and want it to stick, you will need this to show an escalating pattern if you are able to get him committed, and you will need this to show a pattern if God forbid he gets in such a rage he physically hurts you or one of the kids.

You can't change what he's doing, but you can change how you react and the limits you set. Trying to defend yourself or have a calm, rational conversation with someone in a rage is similar to trying to talk reason to a drunk. People in an irrational state cannot be rational no matter how much you hope and try to get through to them.

Do not give him money. Do not feel bad for him. As I said, he's a grown man and he's responsible for his actions and choices. Right now he's choosing to not take medication he needs and get treatment, he's choosing to continue to go into these rages by not following treatment, and by doing so he's choosing to come to your kids' soccer game and make a scene in front of you kids which could do them long term emotional harm. If he shows up to another soccer game in such a state, the minute he gets out of control, say nothing to him and dial 911 - or ask one of the other soccer moms to please call if she sees him starting with you - on the 911 call request immediate help as your husband who you are not living with is there making a scene and threatening you.

Protect yourself and your babies. Hopefully by doing so it will wake him up enough that he stops making excuses and gets the help he needs so one day you can have your family back... but be prepared he may get worse, he may choose to not get help, he may choose to do something drastic and stupid... I hope he doesn't, I hope he gets on medicine and gets himself healthy so he can be a good husband and father, but if he chooses to do something stupid out of rage or insanity, do not for a minute blame yourself for doing what you needed to do for your children and taking the steps you needed to insure your own safety...

Keep us posted.

 
Old 06-01-2006, 01:06 AM   #8
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lookin4aclue
Sounds also like he indeed might be having a thyroid storm, hope that isn't the case, but very well could be. If it is he will diffently need help....As bad as you say he is he could also be in need of meds for mental health...you may need to have him committed, because without meds with graves it can cause death if left untreated. Also they will run tests on him for thyroid levels and as well as medicate him if they think that he needs meds for mental issues as well. I would try that it seems to be the best that you could do for yourself and children as well as for him. They check everything, even for illegal drugs so that way they really can help him no matter what the problem. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with these issues. I feel for you and your children, please get him help no matter what it takes, he'll thank you for it later. Just make sure to tell them about the thyroid issues and that he is refusing to take his meds, that way they can get it started for him.
oh man! he sounds scarey! just saying hello , and that you cant be expected to live like that! and also you could get hurt and your kids , i think you should take that advice in the above posts and he might have to be forced into treatment , did you say you were married to him? if you are then if it carries on its going to ruin your relashionship and you will end up resenting him ,
my sister had graves without meds for a while she had those buldging eyes there quite scarey arent they!!!!
she was quite a handfull!!! but it was sorted with drugs phew!!! he might have that other thing going on also with that testosterone levels being so high its strange the doc didnt act on it , dont tell me youre from england !!!!! lol thats what its like here! i hope you manage to keep out of his way till he is properly medicated you must have had a rough time and no one should have to put up withit especially if hes not willing to help himself.
you take care and good luck lots of love from katpurs i.s.h.t.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ex husband was also violent but due to drug addiction i got me and the kids out , and i wont be taking it off anyother man!!

Last edited by katpurs; 06-01-2006 at 01:09 AM.

 
Old 06-01-2006, 07:04 AM   #9
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Hello-

This is Graves Rage and your husband has really no control over his actions. My best advice would be to try to find a professional counsler familiar to this and get all the outside support you can. There are pages on the internet for family and friends of graves patients.

When someone has graves disease the emotions are in overdrive so they very easily act mentally unstable up and down. I know this is hard to understand but the person with the disease does these things really uncontrollibly. I have graves and my rages have put my husband over the edge more than once. He is now open to learning about my disease and understanding that alot of the anger is out of my control. I also had to come to terms that the way I have acted is not fair to my family. When I feel it coming on I give him a heads up and go for a ride or out in my garden.

The most devistating thing for me when was my husband said he was ready to seperate. He took vows with me saying "in sickness and in health" and breaking that almost put me over the edge. Your husband needs you more than ever. It will NOT be an easy road for you guys but if you can find proffesional help you can get through this.

Nikki
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:33 AM   #10
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illmakeit HB User
Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

I agree with SPf:

Right now your only job is to look out for the safety of yourself and your children.

I understand you feel responsible for him. Talk to the "safe home" people - I am sure they have dealt with situations like this before. They can get you and your children mental help - usually free. We have a facility where you can live with your children, have protection, get mental help for all of you AND get help in dealing with your husbands problems.

Nikki is correct - he has really no control over his actions. SHE realized that and wanted help. He doesn't. Hopefully you can get him some, while keeping you and your children safe.
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:01 PM   #11
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

It's possible that in addition to the Graves disease, your husband suffers from bipolar disorder, or psychosis, or some physical malady that is causing that testosterone to flare.

I agree with much of what has been said. It's well past time to act to ensure safety for yourself & your kids. IMO, it may be possible to extract yourselves from immediate danger, while still expressing care & trying to influence your husband to seek care.

I don't think that counselling is the main thing needed for your husband right now. Things are at/have passed crisis intervention stage. Counselling will be of benefit to him when thyroid & other physical things are taken care of.

Your husband may need both psych meds & care, as well as inpatient care for his thyroid problem. Even if his thyroid problem is the only causative factor here, he may still need psych meds to ride this out.

Hopefully your husband will agree to see a psychiatrist or mental health intervention team, on a voluntary basis. That would make things easier for all concerned, in the long run.

If he refuses, your options are: 1) Let him be, to self-destruct 2) Try to get others to influence him -- his parents/sibs/friends 3) Report past abuses 4) Contact mental health services locally & see what they recommend.

Depending on how things play out, you may need at some point to seek a restraining order.

Please let us know how things work out. Thinking of & praying for you all ...

 
Old 06-01-2006, 06:40 PM   #12
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

I worked with domestic violence and you must use all legal means to keep you and children safe. A female friend of mine was like this with graves she had thyroid removed surgically its common to do that here in the uk and now her med levels are right she is herself again, but you cannot make him consult a doctor and get help so tell a lawyer everything and keep safe. Rozzi

 
Old 06-02-2006, 08:50 AM   #13
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Graves disease can cause full-blown psychosis in some. Please look into how you could get him temporarily committed on a psychiatric basis. The laws differ in different states - I know here in California it's called a 5150, an emergency psych hold, allows them to keep them for 48 hours, with a pretty easy 14 day hold after that. Maybe if you speak to his doctor he will know how this works in your state? Consult an attorney too.

Your H desperately needs your help, this is a real illness that is affecting his mind, he will likely be okay after he is treated. Stay safe but do try to get him the treatment he needs.

Ellie

 
Old 06-02-2006, 07:20 PM   #14
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Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

One thing I didn't mention before is that in a mental hospital, they will medicate him, and he won't be able to leave, as long as he's a threat to you or your children or himself. That right there would be well worth the try, just to see if it is indeed the thyroid or something else...he'll be away from you and your children, and ya'll will be safe. Best Wishes, and good luck.

 
Old 06-03-2006, 09:40 PM   #15
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Question Re: My husband has Graves Disease and is out of control mentally, help!

Hi Everyone,
Thanks so much for all of your advise I really appreciate it!!
I may have came across as weak to some of you for allowing him to affect me like he is. I did leave him I just haven't got a divorce for a lot of reasons. None of which are because I am in love with him because I am not. Well I shouldn't say I am not but if I am I don't realize it because he stresses me out so much!! I am not attracted to him what so ever and I definetly don't miss him, actually I try to avoid him. I think it's normal to feel this way despite his sickness since my life has been hell with him for the past 2 years. Before this my little sister was in a horrible accident and in a coma and in the hospital for 4 months. She is doing well the docs said she was brain dead so she is a miracle from God. that's another story you wouldn't believe it she is amazing!! So my hearts been broken twice in the past 5 years which I'm sure affects my ability to make good decisions or have as much toleration for him.
I do however care about him because he has been in my life for 13 years and I know that this is not his personality. He is family now and family is there for you no matter what. I just can't allow him to abuse me & the kids emotional. I really believe that he can not control himself and is very sick. I did leave my house because the kids are the most important thing and they have to come first. I couldn't expose them to his outbursts everyday. he doesn't really want to spend time with the kids which is really sad but it makes it easier because it is better for them. Another reason I have to make sure he gets better is because I feel that in his condition he won't ever accept loosing me from the way he talks and I won't ever be able to get him out of my life completly. I am afraid that he will eventually hurt my family (he already tried to fight my dad) the kids, himself or maybe me its just a matter of time. He has come to my work and I can't just quite my job and move all of my family into hiding. If I get him help and he gets better then we can decide if we want to get divorced or if the damage he has caused can be fixed. I think he will handle the situation better if he is chemically balanced. Telling your spouse you want a divorce can make a sane person do crazy things. I think it could be dangerous for everyone so I just want to be careful.

Thanks for listening to everything!!!!!

Last edited by Rebekah Wright; 06-03-2006 at 10:01 PM.

 
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