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Old 12-14-2008, 05:47 PM   #1
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Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

Hi - I am new to this site and fairly new to the damage that a thyroid disorder can have on a relationship...I have been with Vikki 3 years now and Vikki started to change after falling pregnant with Darcy-star - I really am at a loss for words when I look back and realise how different my (now) wife is and after researching the internet to find out why my relationship was falling apart...i happened to stumble upon some sites that offered the symptoms related to thyroid disorders....It was the strangest day of my life... to be so filled with joy knowing that there was a reason for the way she was treating me but at the same time I should have been devastated knowing now what Vikki is about to go through. We are at the beginning Vikki is still going through diagnoses so i guess my journey is only just beginning.

I guess this is for those men out there...like myself who need some support and understanding...It is so difficult to watch the persecution complex taking over and seeing how absorbed Vikki becomes with the voices in her head...the over sensitive smell, the ABSOLUTE mistrust in everything I say...and the negativity. That has been hard! One of the hardest things was the fatigue...she would fall asleep whilst I was talking to her (I always remember girls saying how the worst thing was a man who fell asleep on them) It is quite odd to be on the other side of that one.

Now Vikki fell pregnant after 7 weeks in our relationship but i was so happy as I knew this was the girl I wanted to spend my life with and have a child with but after Darcy was born Vikki became depressed really couldn't handle Darcy...I used to come home to her saying we have a nightmare child etc etc i was asked by her to cut my hours back which I did to support her but financially it was not good after a while Vikki said i should stay at home and she would go back to work but that didn't work out because she couldn't handle work and would just not go in because she didn't trust me with our child. She would criticise everything and anything I did and this started to destroy my own confidence...because of this I feel as though I have been denied the chance to bring up my daughter and often wonder how much better things would be if I had had the chance to try the things I felt to be right.....no-one knew what we were going through or even how often I walked out on Vikki. She didn't pay bills and would forget to tell me so many things and when I would say you didn't tell me she would blow up and tell me that I didn't listen.

I found a list of symptoms on the thyroid uk website and she has most of them....too many to go in to detail here - loss of libido, constepation, hair loss, back pain, over sensitivities you name it but the mental problems for me are by far the worst. This is the mother of my child and to sit back and watch this happening to her is just madness Darcy picks up on her stress and I get stressed knowing how stressed Vikki is getting and even more so because she is now stressing about me stressing...a viscious circle, and then when that darkness takes over she will suddenly be so off to me and just not talk to me about anything....lucky for me now life has taken us into Vikki's mothers home and her Mom & Sister have noticed and I finally have a bit of support and through this our closest friends now know which takes a bit of weight off but as I said before - this is only the start of my journey....

The other day I trialled a job....my first day in a year and 3 months...I was called in because it would be a quiet day and it ended up being the heaviest day they had in 3 months....I was knackered and when I got home Vikki was in a very bad place - our cat had done a pee on her sisters bed (she is always smelling cat pee now) and Vikki just broke....her Mom sent her to her bedroom and i had to get Darcy ready for bed and Darcy knew something was wrong...I walked into the kitchen after consoling Vikki in this broken state for a good 25 mins (3rd breakdown in an hour ) and her going to her mom's room for some rest and i just looked at her Mom and managed to get the words out (I'm So Sorry) and I just broke down, the first tears I shed over a women in 8 years...the worst part was my daughter who is only 2 yaers and 4 months walked in a saw and when she walked away she had the strangest look on her face. It was horrible but man did I need the release.

I don't know how many people are going to read this or even if this is going to help anyone but know this...you are not alone! I understand!

I will do my best to keep this going but I find my time is minimal as i am often to worried about putting a foot out of place and having to deal with what can be such an insensitive reaction from Vikki but I have to be strong and do my best to understand what is happening to her. If I love her as much as I know I do...then I will do it. For all of our sakes.

Our journey is just beginning.

Thanks for reading this and know that no matter how you are affected by a thyroid disorder....there are some of us out there who are thinking about you all.

Peace & Positivity

 
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Old 12-15-2008, 03:15 AM   #2
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

well - I have a few minutes and thought I would continue from my 2am composition.....it seems to come across as a woe is me story (with a lot of spelling errors )...It's not though...I guess I'm just trying to portray the utter confusion that one feels when dealing with this. I know that this board is probably mainly for people suffering with the actual thyroid disorder but when the statistics show that 1 in 15 women have a thyroid disorder over the 1 in 50 men, It makes you realise there are quite a few of us out there dealing with the problem. Vikki has her first serious appointment in January on her birthday....nice hey. So until then I can't really start to figure out all the medical things that so many other seem to be chatting about... I wish I knew where to start. One of the things I am finding a bit strange at the moment is that Iodine seems to play a big part in this and I am quite allergic to Iodine...there is a chance that Vikki may have to go on Radio Active Iodine? Am I correct here. Someone mentioned that if this is the case I may not be able to sleep in the same bed as Vikki....I am hoping that this is not going to be the case and would appreciate some info if anyone has any, but hey if it is the case then we accept and do what has to be done....

Keep Strong!

 
Old 12-15-2008, 08:13 AM   #3
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

Hi You need to start by asking which tests have been taken and what did the labs say. Sounds like your wife probably has hypothyroidism and needs thyroid supplementation (which usually is levothyroxine) - if she had hypERthyroidism radio active iodine would be an option. Be sure to study this subject so that you will be well informed and can stand up for yourselves - unfortunately we often can't trust health professionals 100 % to automatically give us the best care. When HypoT is concerned the medication is usually for life but one can have a normal life when the medication is adjusted optimally.

Last edited by FinnMaid; 12-15-2008 at 08:18 AM.

 
Old 12-15-2008, 08:26 AM   #4
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

Wow...I have to say if you can get your wife to a psychiatrist you should take her. This is way beyond thyroid problems. You have been tolerating someone that actually could benefit from mental health care and I hope you take her soon...you are allowing her to loose control and not helping her...she appears to have no control over her emotions and sort of bouncing off the walls and not know what to do. She needs help ..she may have a thyroid problem in addition there seems to also be a mental health component to this all. Take her for an evaluation at least. Good luck.

 
Old 12-15-2008, 08:30 AM   #5
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

I don't know if this is a thyroid issue or not, unless tests have shown something in the thyroid?

The falling asleep thing is something my former boss experienced when he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, which has lots of mood swings.

Psychiatrists are familiar with thyroid tests, so I would consider getting referred to a psychiatrist, if your wife is constantly depressed, and getting paranoid, and this is affecting your child, I would get psychiatric advice ASAP because this is dangerous, and the internet is great to educate yourself, but not for diagnosis, and I think your wife needs professional help now.

 
Old 12-15-2008, 10:29 AM   #6
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

The Thyroid Solution addresses mental health issues associated with thyroid problems. You should try to get a copy of this, too. Your wife definitely needs to get help asap. As the others said, a psychiatrist with thyroid knowledge would be ideal. Good luck!

 
Old 12-15-2008, 11:46 AM   #7
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

She has a massive oblong lump on her throat left hand side and has had a biopsy - so it is most definately thyroid and has had a scan that shows about five nodules/lumps that have white centres so I can understand about the Bi-polar thing but there are too many other symptoms that relate to thyroid over Bi-polar. Her doctor has been banging on at her so onward we move - all we can do at present is wait for the specialist on the 13th of January and see what we're told from there....thank you to you all for the advice so far....i am taking it all in....

Keep Strong
Brad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reece View Post
I don't know if this is a thyroid issue or not, unless tests have shown something in the thyroid?

The falling asleep thing is something my former boss experienced when he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, which has lots of mood swings.

Psychiatrists are familiar with thyroid tests, so I would consider getting referred to a psychiatrist, if your wife is constantly depressed, and getting paranoid, and this is affecting your child, I would get psychiatric advice ASAP because this is dangerous, and the internet is great to educate yourself, but not for diagnosis, and I think your wife needs professional help now.

 
Old 12-15-2008, 04:38 PM   #8
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnD View Post
Wow...I have to say if you can get your wife to a psychiatrist you should take her. This is way beyond thyroid problems. You have been tolerating someone that actually could benefit from mental health care and I hope you take her soon...you are allowing her to loose control and not helping her...she appears to have no control over her emotions and sort of bouncing off the walls and not know what to do. She needs help ..she may have a thyroid problem in addition there seems to also be a mental health component to this all. Take her for an evaluation at least. Good luck.
Vikki has been working with mental care and advanced special needs for more than ten years now so I guess it's sort of ironic that this suggestion would pop up....the other funny thing is that for the past ten years her doctor has been worried about her thyroid but over the years she just put it off - something to do with not wanting to accept something was wrong when she is such a health fanatic...it was just a concern then but since the pregnancy the swelling in her throat has increased ten fold and it has became a major concern in the past year...I personally think that the way it is affecting her is really extreme but mostly she is really level headed and a pretty determined girl....I think we are lucky enough to have forced action on this problem when we have and I am pretty certain Vikki will not go off the rails with this, so hopefully that sort of help may be avoided, though saying that I will be constantly aware of anything that would suggest that therapy would be in order.
I don't think though that I have allowed her to loose control...remember we have been married 4 months...been together just over 3 years and she fell pregnant 7 weeks into our relationship. So for me i met this girl and in 10 months she suddenly changed...coming from South Africa and having to work for 8 years to be able to get my right of abode I am suddenly faced with the fact that my partner(now wife) in this state could tell me to take a hike and I lose out on bringing my child up...I did take a lot more than I usually would have in a normal relationship and also bear in mind that I had no idea until a year ago that there was a problem. So I now with the support of her mother and sister have demanded that something be done because of the effects it is having on our family life...no-one else realised what was happening until about 3 months ago. It has been a pretty dark time for me and I thank the powers that be that at least I can take action now. I appreciate the advise and it is taken on board most definately. Though I think I would prefer at this time to watch a bit more as we get more diagnoses and see what is offered as a solution and research that and then watch even more to see if it is benefiting Vikki... it's the right thing to do.

Sincerely
Brad

 
Old 12-15-2008, 04:51 PM   #9
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

Hey thanks so much for that - I will check it out as I think from my side and the rest of the family it is the mental side that affects us most greatly and hopefully it will help me to help Vikki...I obviously want to hold back on the psychiatrist thing for the moment, but will be more than ready to make action on it should it be required and it is always a hard thing find that your wife may need this sort of treatment... i just wished I had done the research on it when the issue was raised by here doctor a year ago...she sat in front of the computer and researched it and made out like it wasn't that bad...truthfully though I am horrified at how serious this can be, I don't know if thats because of how it's affecting my family/relationship or if it's because thyroid issues can be that bad.

I just have to hold Hope!!!
Will search for your suggestion now
Keep Strong
Brad

Quote:
Originally Posted by lynnybug55 View Post
The Thyroid Solution addresses mental health issues associated with thyroid problems. You should try to get a copy of this, too. Your wife definitely needs to get help asap. As the others said, a psychiatrist with thyroid knowledge would be ideal. Good luck!

 
Old 12-15-2008, 05:39 PM   #10
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

If you can get a copy of her lab work and tell us what kind of Doctor she is seeing we can start there.........

Is she willing to post on the board here...? This is good place for her to post.

Oleander

 
Old 12-15-2008, 07:25 PM   #11
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

I have had a rough time with the psychiatric symptoms associated with my hypothyroid disorder. I had an uintreated disorder for nearly ten years, and during that time, had no idea that the anxiety and depression were related.

People can have profound mental symptoms. There is a lot of literature on the subject available on the internet from specialty journals - ranging from endocrinoolgy to psychiatric journals.

I think I am allowed to give you a reference to a US gov link to PubMed, where you can find either abstract or articles in their entirety on the subject.

[url]http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/[/url]

I experienced a great improvement of my anxiety and depression on thyroid treatment, especially when T3 was addded into my treatment.

Unfortunately, I had some difficulty with tolerating thyroid meds after some year and a half, and had to stop treatment, and the symptoms reemerged.

So, I can tell you from first hand experience how real this all is.

I hope it works out for you. My family has been very supportive, tho they have no real understandig of what I live with. I commend you for taking an interest and trying to learn about what effect endocrine disease can have on a person.


 
Old 12-16-2008, 01:14 AM   #12
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

I am hoping that once the ball is rolling she will get involved in the board, at the moment it is hard to say though. she is finding it pretty difficult to accept. In the past she has got pretty involved in boards discussing children etc etc so the chances are pretty good....just have to choose the right time to tell her!

 
Old 12-16-2008, 01:32 AM   #13
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

Thank you so much for the link and I am so sorry to hear that the meds aren't working for you....have you stopped them completely or are you trying something else because I am sure it must be pretty frustrating knowing that there is a way to balance yourself out but you can't use it.

I hoped that I would find a spark of hope by posting on the boards but have to honestly say I am 50/50 after the different responses...it is pretty scary because it seems as though the journey is going to be long and hard. Do you feel as though maybe the fact that it took nearly 10 years to discover has made it worse/harder to overcome because that would cause me to be even more concerned for Vikki.

Anyway I have to run....Darcy-star needs me.
Have a lovely day.
Peace & Positivity
Brad
Quote:
Originally Posted by sparkles916 View Post
I have had a rough time with the psychiatric symptoms associated with my hypothyroid disorder. I had an uintreated disorder for nearly ten years, and during that time, had no idea that the anxiety and depression were related.

People can have profound mental symptoms. There is a lot of literature on the subject available on the internet from specialty journals - ranging from endocrinoolgy to psychiatric journals.

I think I am allowed to give you a reference to a US gov link to PubMed, where you can find either abstract or articles in their entirety on the subject.

[url]http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/[/url]

I experienced a great improvement of my anxiety and depression on thyroid treatment, especially when T3 was addded into my treatment.

Unfortunately, I had some difficulty with tolerating thyroid meds after some year and a half, and had to stop treatment, and the symptoms reemerged.

So, I can tell you from first hand experience how real this all is.

I hope it works out for you. My family has been very supportive, tho they have no real understandig of what I live with. I commend you for taking an interest and trying to learn about what effect endocrine disease can have on a person.


 
Old 12-16-2008, 02:47 AM   #14
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

Well what a fantastic post. Honestly I'm seriously considering printing it out for my husband to read as he has had to deal with pretty much the same situation you have. I absolutely crumbled at the beginning of this journey and was given anti-depressants at the first sign of anxiety...BIG BIG mistake! That just totally agitated the situation for me and after just 2 tablets things just got worse - which to me proved that it wasnt anti depressants I needed!!

It turns out that I had a massive multi nodular goiter and hashimotos...my labs would always come back 'normal' but I felt far from it.

I had my thyroid removed 2 years ago and am still trying to get stabilised on medication. I have recently found out that I have adrenal fatigue (research this because if your wife has been hypo for a long period there is a good chance she could be affected too) and an RT3 issue (which basically means any FT3 in my system is being blocked from entering the cells) so I have now changed medication. I know this all doesnt mean much to you right now but the more you read on this board the more sense it will make.

I can categorically state that mental health is/can be impaired by thyroid disease and can be improved with correct treatment. Obviously having a positive outlook (very very difficult when you're trying to pull yourself out of that dark dark place) is paramount. She needs to keep telling herself that the reason she feels this way is because shes not well right now and that things WILL improve as she begins to accept her illness for what it is. When she is getting those horrible thoughts in her head try to get her to smile through them...accept that they are only thoughts and that they're whizzing around and around just because her mind is fatigued at the moment. As she starts to accept them as being 'just thoughts' they will begin to scare her less and so have less importance...as we give them less importance we slowly start to release them and break the cycle. They will come back again and again but they will leave quicker and easier each time.

I'm sure you've already found this out but it is very common to find Hashimotos has kick started after the birth of a child. My mum (whom has also had her thyroid removed) noticed my goiter when my daughter was 18 months old, even before I noticed it myself! When I look back I had the symptoms way, way before then. I just wish I'd done something about it. As it was I left it another 3 years before investigating it through a doctor...which obviously meant more damage was being done to both my thryoid, my mental health and my adrenals.

Thanks very much for taking the time to post - it certainly gave me food for thought thats for sure.

Good luck to you, Vikki & Darcy...you'll all be fine I'm sure
__________________
Rach xxxx

Total Thyroidectomy Oct 06 due to Massive Multi Nodular Goiter and Hashi
Adrenal Fatigue
180mg NTH
28mg HC
2 x Caltrate

Rach xxxx

Last edited by tygwyn; 12-16-2008 at 02:56 AM.

 
Old 12-16-2008, 11:19 AM   #15
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Re: Relationship affected by wife's thyroid disorder

I hope you find something useful in the literature, it may be scary, but understadning it really does help. And it is so great you are there for your wife.

I would like to give you some hope as well....

You must keep in mind that many people here on these boards are still suffering from their disease state for any number of reasons, there are surely lots of people out there in the world who have been treated for a thyroid disorder and are, for the most part, well. So, it is not all doom and gloom.

My two cousins have hypoT and have had none of the same symptoms as myself (that is anxeity, etc.) they are well and taking their thyroid meds with no problem.

Incidentally, a portion thyroid patients have mild or no psych symptoms, just physical.

And, I did feel ALOt better on thyroid meds....

As far as the consequences of going untreated for so long, I am sure they exist, but I don't think it is necesarily deterministic. Everyone's body is different and have different adaptive capabiltieis and ways of healing.

I can say, that in terms of alternative medical literature, there is the belief that untreated hypoT can impair adrenal function and complicate matters.

Unfortunately for my case, I was treated with psychiatric drugs prior to my diagnosis with hypo. Once I found out was hpyo, I ordered all my old medical records and there it was in black and white that I had been hypo since 1995. Interestingly, it corresponded with the year I experiecned the onset of panic attacks.

I don't know why I became unable to tolerate the thyroid meds. Drs have thus far had no answers. It could be due to impaired adrenal function, it could be some interaction with my psych meds. I just don't know.

When I was on the thyroid meds, I tapered down to a very low level of psych meds, over the course of a year, since I felt so much better. But, I was still stuck on a low dose of psych meds, since I was afraid to stop completely.

I might add that my psych meds themselves have strong effects on the endocrine system. It is a very complicated mess.

In the end it may be that the solution is retrying thyroid meds and trying really low doses of some other anti anxiety med.

But, I must repeat that my life improved immensely becasue of thyroid treatment.

Best wishes!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreadlocked View Post
Thank you so much for the link and I am so sorry to hear that the meds aren't working for you....have you stopped them completely or are you trying something else because I am sure it must be pretty frustrating knowing that there is a way to balance yourself out but you can't use it.

I hoped that I would find a spark of hope by posting on the boards but have to honestly say I am 50/50 after the different responses...it is pretty scary because it seems as though the journey is going to be long and hard. Do you feel as though maybe the fact that it took nearly 10 years to discover has made it worse/harder to overcome because that would cause me to be even more concerned for Vikki.

Anyway I have to run....Darcy-star needs me.
Have a lovely day.
Peace & Positivity
Brad

Last edited by sparkles916; 12-16-2008 at 11:23 AM.

 
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