Hi. Thank you for your kind words.
I've been having a rough week...the last few days have been horrible...you, know. Pain.
Medication doesn't seem to help. Relaxation doesn't seem to help. So, I am trying to remain strong.....but, it is getting more difficult.
I can not afford to pay my apartment, or most everyday bills. I know most have issues with this. But, being the crazed perfectionist that I am, it is making me miserable. I never really thought of how truly expensive this disorder is.
My ins. company is still postponing the inevitable...that I am in need of the surgery. I've faxed them the material, myself, numerous times...now, they state to me they have 15 days to make a decision....ya, I am crossing my fingers on this one
People around me just don't get it. They see a woman who works and must, then, be ok. I work to keep my health ins..so that I can have surgery. The fact that the pain has totally exhausted me is noticed by no one.
I am staying with someone right now. He has company coming in..and, as it goes..I will have to go back to my little humble abode. When he told me, he asked me...well, I was having a migrane that day (still with me) and I went outside to smoke a cig. The next day he asked me why I didn't talk to him. A part of me felt like saying, "Because I feel like such a burden. Because I am going to lose my apartment. Because I can not afford treatment any longer. Because I am exhausted. Because no one notices just how much pain I am in. Because the pain makes me cry every day. Because."
We are going to talk later today, and I am a little nervous. Because, this is my problem....My entire family said "NO" to a loan. I didn't ask for a gift. I just needed help. So, a part of me feels like if I ask him for help, I'll get a big fat "NO" like I did from my family.
EH, it's the same old story in TMJ land, these days. I am having a hard time getting going today...and, its' 5pm. I just can't move. The pain just has me totally numb and still.
I am just praying for the surgery to be approved...soon. I talked to a someone who had gone to my doctor and had the same procedure.She said it took a year to get it approved and in the meantime, she said her eardrums collapsed...she couldn't hear.
God, what I wouldn't give up to just have surgery, this moment, this second, this instant....
Sorry for the long ramblings from a crazed TMJ'r.
Take care,
johnna
