Shirlett, Thank you - TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint Message Board

meditation · 07-02-2005, 03:09 PM

Hi. Thank you for your kind words.
I've been having a rough week...the last few days have been horrible...you, know. Pain.

Medication doesn't seem to help. Relaxation doesn't seem to help. So, I am trying to remain strong.....but, it is getting more difficult.

I can not afford to pay my apartment, or most everyday bills. I know most have issues with this. But, being the crazed perfectionist that I am, it is making me miserable. I never really thought of how truly expensive this disorder is.

My ins. company is still postponing the inevitable...that I am in need of the surgery. I've faxed them the material, myself, numerous times...now, they state to me they have 15 days to make a decision....ya, I am crossing my fingers on this one

People around me just don't get it. They see a woman who works and must, then, be ok. I work to keep my health ins..so that I can have surgery. The fact that the pain has totally exhausted me is noticed by no one.

I am staying with someone right now. He has company coming in..and, as it goes..I will have to go back to my little humble abode. When he told me, he asked me...well, I was having a migrane that day (still with me) and I went outside to smoke a cig. The next day he asked me why I didn't talk to him. A part of me felt like saying, "Because I feel like such a burden. Because I am going to lose my apartment. Because I can not afford treatment any longer. Because I am exhausted. Because no one notices just how much pain I am in. Because the pain makes me cry every day. Because."

We are going to talk later today, and I am a little nervous. Because, this is my problem....My entire family said "NO" to a loan. I didn't ask for a gift. I just needed help. So, a part of me feels like if I ask him for help, I'll get a big fat "NO" like I did from my family.

EH, it's the same old story in TMJ land, these days. I am having a hard time getting going today...and, its' 5pm. I just can't move. The pain just has me totally numb and still.

I am just praying for the surgery to be approved...soon. I talked to a someone who had gone to my doctor and had the same procedure.She said it took a year to get it approved and in the meantime, she said her eardrums collapsed...she couldn't hear.

God, what I wouldn't give up to just have surgery, this moment, this second, this instant....

Sorry for the long ramblings from a crazed TMJ'r.

Take care,
johnna

Shirlett · 07-04-2005, 08:35 AM

Johnna,

Do not ever be "sorry"! I know I joined this group to get the understanding and support that I needed and with the Hope that I might be able to do the sane in return. Since you are still working steady I take it you have not applied for SSD or SSI? I am not sure what state you are in but does your state have a temp. disability? I am in Florida and Florida does not have a temp. you are or you are not. I know it is hard to stay positive especially when you are in PAIN and it is really hard to loose what you have worked for. We had to sell our house BEFORE they foreclosed on it(four years ago) and I loved that house but with me not working we could no longer afford to live there so we had to move into a house my husbands great grandfather built in 1920, it is ALL wood and the plumbing and electric were installed in 1967! So I have delt with with and now, FINALLY our finances are staring to get better. We have bought 25 acres of land and are building the house that we WANT. And you are right is is HARD..I really thought for the last four years I would be stuck inthis house FOR EVER (it is 512 sq feet and I have three teenagars, myself and my husband all iving in this house!!! one bathroom!) and when hurricane Ivan hit us I prayed it would just get blown away and fall down, since it is all wood, and then we could collect the ins money and get our house built. Yeah..did not happen. Still standing. And what little construction that had started on our new home, well, lets put it this way, we had to start all over again. The hurricane did more damage to our soon to be new home than the one we are in so we STILL are not in our new home. I know I should not gripe there ae still about 16,000 families that are living in FEMA trailers that have no home. I had to cash in my retirement and my second IRA just so we could continue to pay the bills when I stopped working. I still have my enough is enough days and why me. What did I do? Things can only get better. I try to remind myself that four years ago, five years ago I was in so much pain I could not function and now I have been able to return to work part time with out the fear that I am going to mess something up really bad in the office. I am a Paralegal and work for a wonderful attorney who tries to understand and so far has been really good to me. It just seems that it takes a long time for things to get better. Not great, but better. Hang in there and try to stay positive for your on mental health and please keep me posted. I will be thinking oabout you and I really hope your ins. company gets off thier butts and approves you.
Shirlett