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Old 08-24-2005, 07:58 PM   #1
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Mediation

Hey,

How are you? Is everything still set for October 12th? Have you talked to Dave or Eric yet? How are you holding up? Are you geting excited at all? Hang in there you do not have much longer to go. I am pulling for you as I know other are also.

Shirlett

 
Old 08-25-2005, 03:54 PM   #2
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Re: Mediation

Shirlett,

Hi. Haven't been around internet lately. Just trying to stay low....know that sounds terrible. Haven't really responded to posts lately. As far as I know, the surgery is still set for Oct. 12...what a wonderful birthday that would be for me, of course if it works. I am crossing my fingers.

My 'skull' has made it to Gainesville. It looks like it is still a go. I can say this, there have been moments. I am not too happy with the ins. department there. People just do not seem to get it. I realize I am not their only patient. But, I am their patient. I shouldn't be jumping through hoops. But, at this point, as long as it is done on Oct. 12, I do not care what I have to do.

To be honest, I am absolutely terrified. I have had multiple procedures done on my jaw...as a teen. I know what happens. How I'll feel. What could go wrong. I am trying to relax as much as possible. But, I am already having nightmares I know it'll be ok. I just am scared, thats all.

My family will be nonexistent. Well, my mom says she wants to be there. To drive me up there. For me to stay with her. Yah, that is not a possibility. My family hasn't been there for the last year and a half. I know this may sound horrible, but, I don't mind if she is there. But, I do not want her to take care of me. She has always used it as a means of control. As a way to hold something over me. I can not take it anymore.

Friends will be there, which is fine with me. I just am trying to cut out the drama from my life. And, if someone hasn't been there from the start of this, because they chose not to be, well, I don't want them around me.

We all know how this pain is. What it does. And, I have made a decision. Certain things can not continue, for my health.

This surgery is a huge gamble, that I do know. I don't know if it will work. I don't know if it will make me worse. I just know I have to take the risk. I want to be the person I was before this, and any risk is worth it....or, so I hope

I am close. Thank God. I couldn't imagine not doing anything for too much longer. I start teaching my last class on Monday. I'll be off work for 3 months...at least. Certain people at my job are not happy. My students will be placed in gen eds for three months. They are okay with it; but, others are not. I hope to have my job next year. But, at this point, I really do not care.

I just want to feel better, even if it is just a little. So, here we go...the countdown is on Finally.

Shirlett, thank you for your concern. I really appreciate it. I apologize for not being on the board more. I am just trying to compose myself for this procedure. I am trying to emotional prepare myself. I am trying to get my stuff together...so, that this surgery works.

I will try to keep in contact....I will definitely let people know how it goes.

Talk with you soon.
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Old 09-05-2005, 08:42 AM   #3
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Re: Mediation

Just hang in there, October 12th will be here soon than you think. You said Gainesville? Are you going to Shands to have the surgery? I had my implants put in at Shands by Dr. Dolwick. I am thinking of you and sending you LOTS of POSITIVE thoughts and energy! How did you fare down there from Katrina? We ended up having to board up AGAIN and got 100 mph winds and what Ivan damaged and Dennis did not finish off the winds from Katrina got. I give up. We are going to leave the boards up until Nonember 2nd and I AM NOT cleaning my yard nor planting ANYTHING until November 2.
Please stay in touch and let me know how you ae doing.
Shirlett

 
Old 09-06-2005, 03:31 PM   #4
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Re: Mediation

Hi, Shirlett.

One month and counting . Yeah. Yes, Dr. Dolwick will be my surgeon. The titanium implants are being made as we speak. So, it looks like I will be having surgery on my birthday.

Thankfully (I know that sounds selfish, and I apologize), where I live didn't get any effects of Katrina. I am thankful, but, also mindful of what people are enduring at this moment. So, the 'land of the mouse' is okay.
Waiting for hurricane season to end....hoping one won't hit close to surgery...do not want it cancelled.

I am hanging in. The pain is unrelenting, as usual. I am having problems with hearing out of my right ear, my right side of my face feels heavy (yet numb), and there is severe pain radiating in my jaw bones.

Every day I teach, I see something noticeable that happens, and I get upset. I've been crying each day. Yet, I know I am close. And, I only have 7 more classes to teach...so, I'll just hang in there.

How are you feeling these days? I know what you are saying about leaving the boards up. Many people in my area have left their's up since last year. What's the point of taking them down if you have to put them up, again and again. I hope you and yours are safe and doing well.

Take care,
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Old 09-10-2005, 06:48 PM   #5
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Re: Mediation

Mediation,
I feel so much better knowing Dr. Dowlick is your surgeon. HONEST! I would not be alive today if it were not for him. When I GAVE UP he refused to give up on me and I am so grateful. For I would not be in the position I am today and maybe not even alive if not for him. You know you will be in my thoughts and I KNOW you are in GOOD and SAFE hands. It will be here sooner than you think. With me, I think the closer I got to my surgery date the worse my pain and symptoms got and I think it was due to I was able to let my guard down and I allowed myself to feel more since I was so focused on my implant surgery being positive and just the exciting HOPE/THOUGHT of maybe just maybe being pain free. I am not 100% pain free but my pain is sooooooooooo minimal NOW I will deal with what I have NOW conpared to the poain I was in BEFORE the implants were put in. AND YES, I have had problems but I know my cyst "issue" has been the cause of my problems since the implants were put in and I REALLY beleive that if I did not have the cyst "issue" I woudl not have lost my left side implant and my pain just might be less than it is now. I use to pray, beg, pled with Great Spirit to just let me have one day a month without ANY pain at all and now I average one "bad day" a month. So I am NOT complaining and have just learned to deal with the "bad day" I just stay in bed and pamper myself. I cry if I want to, I stay in my PJ's and really just have a Pitty me party and when the sun comes up the next morning I am over it and ready to go on reclaiming my life. So HANG IN THERE!!!!!! Cry if you want to, pamper yourself but just remember you will get thru this and what ever support you need it is right here for you. I am thinking of you!
Shirlett

 
Old 09-12-2005, 07:57 PM   #6
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Re: Mediation

Shirlett,
Hello. I am hoping he is good. I have had prior surgeries as a teen. I went to 'world' renowed tmj surgeons. Their surgeries obviously failed. Six weeks after each of their surgeries, my symptoms increased two fold. And, I am pray Dr. Dolwick is someone who can help me. He is very nice. His 'residents' are a little crazed, though. One said to me, "are you sure you want to do this, you are very young. if i were you, i would reconsider".
I wanted to shoot him. Ah. I don't want to undergo a bilateral total joint replacement at 30...opps 31. But, who does. Think about it. What choice do we have? A year and a half of intense non invasive procedures. A half a year of duregisic pain patches..the extreme nausea, lack of sleep..and, let's not even discuss the severe, unrelenting pain.
I am optimistic, yet terrified.
I think you are correct. About my symptoms getting worse. My guard is relaxing a bit. And, I am feeling things that are absolutely horrific. But, as you said....faith and hope.

I called TMJ concepts today. My completed implants are being mailed to Gainesville early next week . So, its' still on. October 12 I am definitely looking forward to this birthday.

As you know, the fear is growing like ivy over an old building. I worry about the anesthesia. I have always had severe reactions to it. I worry about the immediate post op. time. Will I be ok? Will I be in severe pain? Will I feel that weight lift my body? Will I have a long recovery? Will I still have the job I love? Will I ever be me, again?


All the wonderful 'what if' scenarios are racing through my head. I know that as it gets even closer, I will become more silent. I just get quiet. Its' already started, yet it really hasn't. I am trying to prepare myself for this...and, I cry. I have even made myself sick from it---spent all night Saturday in the bathroom. Wonderful nerves, huh?

I have stopped trying to get those around me to understand what I am going through because they just will never understand. I can't really blame them. Nor, do I want anyone of them to feel the slightest bit of pain. I just want them to be there for me, in the way they can. I want to be comforted. Yet, I want some space to just be. To not think. To not feel anxious. To try to be the young woman who built a life for herself, yet always spent time just being...

So, I am hanging in. I have 5 more days teaching. My students are absolutely wonderful. They are going to miss me, they say. They want to throw a party for me. And, they want to be at the hospital. I have told them how nice that is; yet, to focus on them and their studies..plus, I do not want too many people seeing me after surgery...yes, a little vain....

I too want to reclaim my life. I want to be the warrior I used to be. I want to go back to school and get my PhD. I want to eventually have a family, someday. I am in no rush. Yet, I feel like I have so much to do...to accomplish. And, it is time for this whole mess to go away.

Take caref of you, I am thinking of you tonite.
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Old 09-13-2005, 04:49 PM   #7
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Re: Mediation

Mediation.

I am there with you. I was 32 when I had my implants put in. And I too whent through the "what If's" but after ALL that has happened SINCE the implants were put in I have decided that had I NOT gone through with it then I would be in extreme uncontrolable pain and would be sitting here wondering what if I had had the implants put in. I FEEL I MADE the right decision and I trust Dr. Dolwick with my entire being. I freaked out about two hours BEFORE we left to go to Gainesville and unpacked my bag..told my husband to call Dr. Dolwick and cancel the surgery...I was not going through with it..ect...but when the clock hit 1:00 a.m. my butt was in the car. So I would say to you...ALLOW yourself to go through all of these emotions. Allow yourself to have fear but in the end YOU have to take control and KNOW that all will be well and that you are in EXCELLANT hands.

It is VERY hard for us to explain to the ones around us JUST WHAT WE Go through. The Pain is undescribale and the feelings that come along with it..how to you put that in words so that someone can really feel what you feel? I told my sister once that if she could just imagine being stabbed in the jaw over and over with an ice pick AND staying conscious during it she might understance a little. To me, the pain that goes along with TMJ is unconceivable to most human minds.

As far as the pain afterwards goes.....I personally felt it was unlike anything I have ever felt. BUT THAT WAS ME and everyone is differant. Just prepare yourself mentaly to accept that you are having a VERY strenious procedure and you expect to feel some pain when you wake up. My biggest issue was feeling like I had a face lift. Since I had NO joint on the left and very little on the right, when I was stitched up my skin had to be pulled over the implants so my face was VERY tight and it felt like someone had taken me by the back of the head and pulled up. I now have NO wrinkles ANYWHERE on my face but to me the "pain" I was in was from that. I will NEVER have a face lift. I told my husband if I EVER, EVER bring it up just remind me of the surgery on September 17, 2003!!!! BUT TO ME it has all been worth it and yes I would do it all again if I had to.

I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I hope SOMEDAY someone explains my life to me!! Hang in there. You will need your mental and physical strength for recovery. Stay positive. I know how hard it is but the more you believe in your self and your strength the faster recovery you will have. I am pulling for you!!!!

Another thing with Dr. Dolwick...ASK QUESTIONS!!! I feel I have NEVER asked him a dumb or stupid question. If I had a question about something he has tried to answer it no matter if it was simple or not. Tell him how you feel and tell him your fears. He will listen!!! One of my only complaints after the implants were put in was that I could not drive myself for three weeks!!! I cheated and drove after 14 days...I HAD to go to the grocery store!!!

Less than a month to go. Just think in two months ALL of this will be behind you and you will be into your recovery!!!

PLEASE let me know if I can do anything to help you through this.
Take Care!
Shirlett


Last edited by Shirlett; 09-13-2005 at 05:01 PM.

 
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