So sorry to hear about your experience with the extraction and all the problems you've had since. I appreciate your post - my own experience is similar to yours in some ways.
I had issues with headaches only for some time. Then I had a root canal (botched), infection and then a second root canal on the same tooth. The first canal was incredibly long and painful. Not long after this work, a pretty full-blown, severe TMJ picture emerged. No one knew what to diagnose me with so i spent over a year in crazy pain, not getting out of bed very often. I finally found my way to a NM dentist whose protocol was expensive and didn't do anything for me. In fact, he made me wear a night guard that made things worse. Finally found my way to a great NM dentist who put me in a functional splint and now braces. About 4 months into my splint treatment, the pain started to subside and by one year mark I was pretty close to pain free.
What I wonder is how much that dental work affected my getting the full blown TMJ picture. I know I have a misaligned bite (bottom jaw too low and too far back), but did the treatment push me over the edge? I have read that it's often not the dental work but having your jaw pried open for extended amounts of time that causes TMJ post dental work. i have also heard lots of stories on this site about others who have got TMJ after tooth extractions.
My guess is that if you have issues in your mouth or jaw, even mild ones, you are at risk for getting TMJ and dental work seems to be the trigger for manageable issues to become more serious.
I'm curious to hear other people's thoughts on this issue.
Enigmapaul, have you seen a great modern NM dentist? If you haven't, it's really worth travelling to see the best in your area. It seems that the longer issues are left, the worse they become and the harder they are to treat.
Hope things improve for you soon