Re: end stage COPD
So sorry to hear about your husband. I just went through this with my mom. She was told she was end stage COPD in February and I lost her at the end of April. Try to get the booklet from Hospice called, "Gone from my Sight." It really does answer most of your concerns you addressed in your post. What I found out is this, that they are not trying to be "rude." Unconsciously the dying are turning inward to sort out their own end of life issues. We lived with my mom and really the last 6-8 months of her life she spent in her bedroom. Occassionally (maybe once a week) she'd eat dinner with us at the table which was not like her because "dinner was taken at the table," even if it was McDonalds. Her depression deepened and her moods were a roller coaster, but mostly irritable. My mom also went through the different stages of grieving as well. She was grieving her own upcoming death and had to work through all of that as well. I was truly grateful to get my hands on the booklet because it helped me understand that they too have a process to go through. As hard as it is on us, knowing that they will be leaving, they don't really want to go either; not until they make peace with it. I was lucky to have mom completely mobile until the last 4 days of her life. She was on oxygen 24/7 but what was killing her was the right sided heart failure associated w/COPD. Her heart was working so hard to push the O2 through her blood that it was giving out. Perhaps Hospice may be of help to you? It's odd but with a diagnosis of COPD they come in a lot sooner for longer than the typical 6 months beforehand. Because it is such a crazy and terminal diagnosis they can be very useful to the caregivers. I think I really relied upon them more than my mom.
Keep posting here. I found out that writing about what I was going through here to total strangers really did help. I have family and friends yes, but complaining to them made me feel guilty. We do not judge, we all just listen and give advise where we think appropriate.
Good luck to you. May you find peace enough to get through this.