I don't know what to do. I am close to ovulation, have told dh and when we have tried to BD he loses his erection because he says he feels pressure. I know that it is stressful and all bec without his sperm there is no baby, but how is this supposed to help out when I am ovulating? I am so irritated with myself.. almost feels like I am the whole problem. We've only just begun ttc and I am wondering if its always going to be like this. It was his idea that he know when I am close to ovulation so that we can get started.. and when I do he can't. I am so frustrated. Why does this have to be so stressful? I want a baby so bad, I think perhaps I have lost sight why we make love in the first place. Has anyone experienced anything like this? I am just at my wits end and I do not know what to do. Instead of bd'ing we've spent the last 4 hours arguing( more stress). Sorry for the vent.. I just needed somewhere I could speak without feeling guilty.
fea, don't feel bad. a lot of men feel that way. my dh jokes that he feels pressured sometimes but i know there is truth behind every joke. and we know other couples who are ttc and the man sometimes can't perform due to pressure.
maybe it would help if you and your dh took a couple of days off to relax and just be together. you have to always remember that men can be very sensitive too. they are just not as good at expressing it.
we have been ttc for about 4 months and it becomes very mechanical sometimes. it's like " you have to make a deposit in the sperm bank right now!!""
take a couple days just for yourselves and remind your dh that you love him for him... not because he's a sperm donor!! i know that makes my hubby feel better.
and u don't have to apologize for venting here. that's what we're here for.
if you have no luck this month....next month...dont tell him when the "best time" is....just dress extremely sexy...to get his "attention".....that way...he wont be focused on anything but YOU!! and he will have no idea that the timing for BD'g is perfect.
lady bug is right. my husband wants a baby but when the time hit he was nervous. So he had no choice. he showers after work every night so i just dresses all sexy and acted out some of the things im normally just to lazy to do. did not tell him what we were doing it for just tell him your horny! my husband never hears me say that and when i do he seems to jump right on me. (usually i say i feel tired!LOL) good luck
I have been crying all day long.. we were able to manage for him to have a small one last night, however it is the same situation today. I know that he wants a baby, I just hate having that extra pressure. I've tried almost everything today and he can get an erection, he just can't have an orgasm and its extremely upsetting. He says that he can tell when I am stressing out, and its hard for him to perform, bec sub-consciously he is afraid to fail. I know there is always next month, but if we are having this much trouble now... how are we ever going to manage for the months to come.
Thank you all so much for gathering in to help me. Geez, here I go crying again... I hope that dh and I are able to get through this again so that there is an opportunity to have it be this month. I'll try all of the advice that I was given.. its well worth the shot.
dont put too much pressure on either of you. maybe just done mention trying to have a baby too much. i know it is hard but try to think of it as if it happens it happens. it is tough. just talk to him and make sure he knows that nothing he can do will change the outcome. there is nothing to worry about. just one night make him feel like its about him, not baby making. tell him how much you love him and just do some things that normally get him turned on. just dont bring up the fact that your trying. that just gets him thinking about what if.. good luck and hang in there
try the suggestion that i gave in an earlier post..do not tell him when its a good time to BD--just dress sexily...do things that turn him on............
and another slight suggestion here...reverse psychology......tell him that it seems to be too much pressure on both of you, so you feel its best that neither of you focus on ttc at this moment. let him think that its no big deal, that you feel that both of you need to toss the idea aside for a bit, that if it happens, it does, if it doesnt, it just doesnt, that you dont want yourselves getting so caught up in ttc, that you lose sight of the pleasure of being together as husband and wife. then, when ONLY YOU know that its the best timing....dress in a way that will knock him for a loop...and do whatever you know turns him on...get him going real good, to where he has no time to think about the possibility of making a baby. do not let him know or think in any way that you are aiming to get pg. do not show any emotions in front of him.....you have to make him think that it isnt upsetting you and that you are serious about not wanting to focus on it anymore.....as that is adding to him feeling the pressure. you have us to lean on for the support and to cry to...but do not let him see you. do whatever you can think of to ease his mind..and ease the pressure that he is feeling. good luck.
We've got the same problem except that work seems to call him just when I'm about to O. Makes you want to chuck that pager out like they did in "The Terminal"! I don't know what you have for a house but if you can get him into the tub for a little rub-a dub-dub you could make it a golden night for both of you! I don't tell him when I am about to O, I just set the mood and wait PATIENTLY! And remember that you have almost three days to get it right, sometimes longer! ANd if you have no objections try some help like Cialis of something! ANd if you get desperate my sister got pregnant on vacation. Plan it out and make it a quite weekend for two. Just keep the dancing out of the water for the finally- won't help your chances if te swimmers are too warm or diluted! Good luck dear and if you need more help check out the web for sights that have all the info structured so you can understand and they give you all the sides so you don't have a biased perspective!
I am hugging each one of you right now.. thank you so much for this support. We had a talk tonight and I feel even more guilty, not because he blamed me.. but bec of me adding more stress on him. He says that he feels kind of like a sperm donor( one of you mentioned this), that its not fun when its merely the act. He feels like its not lovemaking, and that I have lost interest in gaining pleasure from sex( I admit I haven't been exactly " into" it like I should be. My only focus has been on having a baby since we decided to TTC. I think we both have become obsessed with this( so does he).
rayray.. you are so right about the pressure, I need to ease up. thanks for your advice.
ladybug... I will dress sexy and do whatever it takes to turn him on. The hard part for me to do is keep my darn emotions out of it. He seems to know when I am upset. I have no other choice but to do this, I don't want this to get worse.
skl.. thanks for your suggestion, I wish we had a tub, but its my hopes a warm shower will do the trick
Thanks again for all the priceless words of wisdom and encouragement. I'll post more tommorow
Hope you are feeling better today, chin up My dh feels like this aswell, he feels that we only make love to make a baby and nothing is happening and that is adding pressure to him, so i told him we would have a break and in his mind we are, its not every night now so he feels its a break!!!
Good luck, hun...we are rooting for you!!! Try to remember to ease up...and get back into wanting to to be intimate...for the RIGHT reasons! Its hard...trust me...I know...been there, done that...so it is truly hard when you know that your main goal is to ttc....but try to relax and get that off your mind...it will be hard, but you can do it!!! Keep us posted!!
Whew... a big sigh of relief. I thought for sure dh and and I might have missed my fertile time this month. Shortly after I posted I went to the bathroom and behold was the most thickest mucus I had ever seen ( sorry tmi ). I knew that it wasn't too late but also remembered all of the trouble we had earlier. Dh and I went to bed and I noticed that when we started to be intimate he acted stressed before he started. We took time out and I told him that I wasn't even pushing it.. if he could not have an orgasm that was ok and that he was not failing if he didn't. I wasn't expecting anything to be honest, but ........................................ ............. it HAPPENED!!!!! yes I am screaming. lol. I know that this is not going to be easy, and all of you were correct, if he knows that the pressure is off then he can enjoy himself. I still worry, but I know now that I am not helping the situation any. Thank you all so much for your advice.. I know this is not the end of our stress but its a step forward.
HUGS... You are all so wonderful