This is my first post, but I've been reading for a while. I have a question and would very much appreciate it if you could share your opinion or experience on this. Gist: "TTC for one month: How do you make the topic of babies less delicate/sensitive?"
The long story for those who are interested:
[ DH and I have been married almost a couple of years and about one month ago agreed that it was good time to think of a child. I am all for 'planning the process' and doing the BD with a targeted plan (by charting BBT, Ovul cycles etc.). He, on the other hand, is all for spontaineity and gets terribly turned off by any explicit attempts. This is slowly, but surely, making the topic of babies a delicate one.
I would like to discuss the topic more than we do, but he doesn't want to bring it up and is afraid that we might raise our hopes and expectations too much and end up being disappointed. He insists, "babies take years to make in most houses - most of my friends were married for atleast 5 years before having a baby... surely they must have been trying for at least 2 - 3 years?" and I have no answer. But I would like him to be more optimistic than so coldly objective! He understands my excitement, but is scared that we will be under pressure if things don't pan out fast. ]
I understand that it happens in many households, but how do you women handle it with delicacy and sensitivity? I want to be loving and sensitive and not say anything hurtful - DH is my world. Please help.
p.s. If this topic has already been thrashed out a lot, I am sorry about bringing it up... any link to old threads is appreciated.
When dh and I started trying last year, we just played it by ear. We just tried around that time and hoped for the best. After a couple of months with no luck I got ovulation predictor kits. Again, no help. I had my yearly visit with my gyno and he recommended I start charting. I also bought a saliva ovulation predictor kit.
At first dh and I really didn't talk about it because I did not want to jinx it. When it became obvious we needed to work on it a little more, I explained to him the important of charting and making sure we bd at the right times. I usually do what I can to spice things up so it doesn't seem routine and so obvious. Communication is key. Maybe it would help if he read some of the comments from the rest of us who post. He needs to realize that pregnancy doesn't just happen for most couples, it does take a while, although not necessarily 2-3 years.
I don't think we should ever compare ourselves with other couples we are friends with as all couples are different. Just because other people waited five years to have a baby doesn't mean you have too.
It could be that he is nervous about the process. If he is anything like my dh, who I love greatly but never really lets me know what he is thinking or how he feels, good luck!
You should really get a copy of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" if you haven't yet. Is it very informative.
I agree with mander, get a copy of TCOYF, when dh saw me reading it he asked questions as to what it can really teach me, the last week my temps have been raised and he got really excited about it, now im sure he wouldnt have got excited if i hadnt of told him that it could be because i was pregnant and i would never have known about it if i hadnt got the book!
Af arrived and i told dh that my temps had dropped, he automatically said 'well that means af is on the way then' It has taken him nearly a year to get this involved with it all and it has taken a lot of patience from me and some carefull treading - believe me!!!
All i can say is it is a touchey subject and needs to be approached with some care, tell dh how you feel and how it makes you feel when he doesnt get involved or doesnt want to talk, its alot of pressure for both of you so try and work together.