A question about comfort? - Trying to Conceive (TTC) Message Board

kenna_lane · 08-21-2005, 08:43 PM

I am not sure if this is really appropriate, but I think you ladies could give me the best advice. First of all I would like to apologize to anyone if I hurt or offend them, I really don't mean to. My question is how to break to my best friend that I am pregnant w/ baby #3. She has been trying for quite a while now, and miscarried twins the week before I had my second baby. That was almost a year ago, and she is still very upset about it. I tried to be supportive, but it was no use considering that I was days away from having my second. And still now I don't know what to say to her to make things any better. She does not get a lot of support from anyone else around her, so I really want to be there for her. What could someone say to anyone of you to make you feel any better? I love her to death and want to help, but I don't know how. If anyone has any suggestions, or things that have made this any easier for them please let me know. I don't want to be one of the people who talk and talk and never say anything that matters. Good luck to all of you, I will keep you in my prayers.

Jenni

Marie M · 08-21-2005, 08:50 PM

well, I don't really have any suggestions about how to break the news to her, other than to be as gentle as possible and avoid talking eccesivly about it around her once she does know. I do want to reccomend to GET HER ON THIS BOARD! I too don't have anyone around to support me in trying...and failing....and trying some more, and this board had been an HUGE help!!!! I don't want to tell anyone I'm TTC, so I have no advice from family or friends, but there is a world of advice, suggestions, and help, as well as people to talk to and bounce questions off of on here, so get her on board!

FairyMagick · 08-21-2005, 11:02 PM

Hi
I think its great your care so much about your friends feelings, but I don't think you should worry to much about walking on eggshells around her. You deserve to be happy about having a new baby, and it isn't your fault you don't have any fertility problem and she does. I would just let her know. If she seems to resent you for it then I don't think the friendship is on the best of terms or her emotional state. I think it is sad when woman ttc start to resent pregnant woman or people they see with children. If she lost her twins I'm sure she is heart broken and you just being there as a good friend probably helped a lot. Unless she starts to be negative around you I would just keep the line of commutation and support open. Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot someone can do when someone is grieving expect let the person grieve.
Hope I don't sound cold, that isn't what I'm trying to come across as. I just know when I was in my teens my Mother had a friend that was ttc and her attitude was very nasty and bitter. She took her infertility out on the world. And a friendship can only go so far under that type of stain. I also agree with Marie that she should come this board it could be a great help for her.

sammieP · 08-22-2005, 04:29 AM

Fairymagik - its not that people TTC resent pregnant women its just that they see something they so desperately want and sometimes get upset, one day it may come to us all.

Jenni - Being as i am dealing with infertility myself i have experienced friends telling me they are pregnant, one this week told me she was 5 weeks pregnant and to be honest i was hurt but also happy for her, it did make me cry because i thought that she was so lucky and i wished it was me but as i said to Fairymagik - it will come to us all one day. If she is a good friend she will be happy for you, tell her in the gentlist way and ask her not to get upset and tell her you are all ways there for her, that would help me

I did have a friend who hid her pregnancy from me because she thought id hate her but i would never be like that, she hurt me more by hiding it and lying to me (i asked her to come to new years eve party and she said she had plans, then she had to tell me because another of our friends went round to see her)

Either way i think she will respect you more for telling her and i bet she will be so pleased for you, just tread gently and good luck

FairyMagick · 08-22-2005, 10:59 PM

Sammie,
I'm not sure I understand why you are saying "it will come to us all one day" ?
I feel the pain of any woman ttc that can't get pregnant, but I still believe some woman go to far and they do take out there feelings on woman who don't have a problem conceiving. Certainly I did not mean all woman struggling with infertility do, because most do not.
For you to say what I think you were implying isn't very nice. I'm assuming your saying all woman will struggle with infertility? Maybe I am miss understanding you.
I wish you luck and I'm hoping you didn't misundertand what I was trying to explain.
FairyMagick