Bfn.....again - Trying to Conceive (TTC) Message Board

shawnab · 01-20-2006, 09:35 AM

Hi Ladies, af started in earnest today....Im soooo sad. My question is..should I sit my dh down and let him know that if we dont start bd'ing in earnest this next month when my opk says positive then forget it. We wont try. Its so hard knowing that im O'ing and only bd'ing once. I know it can only take once but if we do too early (once on the first day of a positive opk) then we may miss our mark (O'ing can occur 24-48 hrs after a positive). I know sperm can live for 2 days, but........Im just really tired of being disappointed. Do you think im making too much of it and just keep testing, not say anything to dh and just try to make it happen, or should i say something? Thanks ladies

tropbelle28 · 01-20-2006, 09:43 AM

Hi Shawnab

So sorry to hear u know who turned up. I was in exactly your position around 18months ago - dh and I had both decided we wanted to try for a baby, but I don't think dh really got the whole cm/temp/opk stuff - I guess he thought just unprotected sex would do the trick! We randomly tried for a few months but it didn't work and I was getting so frustrated and upset because I knew what we should be doing and when, but it didn't seem to happen and dh didn't understand how important timing is in ttc. So one day, when I had been really upset, we sat down and really talked about it. Although it makes the ttc much less romantic and spontaneous, at least dh knows now why we need to have lots of bd in one particular week!

Not that it has helped me get pg though

but at least I know we are doing all we can and aren't missing any chances.

IT really helped us to talk, I'm sure it will you too!

Take care

TB

Ally803 · 01-20-2006, 09:43 AM

Hi-I am a newbie to posting but I just wanted to reply to you post because I know EXACTLY what you are going through! I have been getting frustrated with my DH because when my OPK says it's time to BD and I let him know that he says it feels weird and akward like I'm scheduling it and it pressures. He told me that he would rather I not even tell him when it's a good time, just keep it to myself!! I just want to let you know that I totally know what you mean by disappointing when he doesn't feel like BD'ing as much as you'd like to, it's like you wait and wait for that moment to try, and then total disappointment!

Best wishes to you and good luck!!

coldrain · 01-20-2006, 10:56 AM

Shawna, I'm so sorry to hear that. And girls, I hear what you say about DHs. I'm facing the same dilemma. My husband knew that I always wanted to have a baby and finally after 4.5 years together he said let's try, even though we're not quite ready financially, but what the heck, may be we'll never be ready, it's not the reason to deprive ourselves of joy of being parents. So, naturally I got so very excited, started reading a lot about the subject, visiting this board and obsessing about the whole deal. Of course I didn't mind to BD on the schedule, as often as it takes. To my big surprise, my husband has completely different attitude. He doesn't want to do it "on schedule", he wants everything natural & spontaneous. Grrrr.... By the way, I don't think they are so funny about the subject because of the pressure to perform. Sometimes I think may be they're just ... capricious?

And definitely men don't share our excitement about pregnancy quite on the same level. Your thoughts, ladies? I dont know how to talk to him without creating even more tension or to talk at all. By the way, today learned that my girlfriend in other country is having her second baby in Feb. I'm very happy for her, but you know how it goes

Baby dust to all of us!

befer70 · 01-20-2006, 11:14 AM

Ladies!
I can somewhat understand what you are going through. DH and I were blessed the first time trying, since we got pregnant right away (I had a feeling I could conceive easily, but that even shocked me!). When we m/c last Nov. we were both surprised, but when I heard what my husband said I knew he was on a different level than me. He said "I just never imagined that we could m/c, it just wasn't an option to me. I just thought 'ok once she's pregnant, that's it' and especially since you conceived right away!" He also said that this time around, he really would like to be there "physically, mentally, AND emotionally" and not take it for granted at all, because things CAN happen.
However, a couple of nights ago when I told him that I was O-ing and that we should BD. We both felt weird and awkward and a little pressured... we just couldn't stop laughing throughout!! It was weird but hey, if I conceive...why not?
What I'm trying to say is, if DH feels weird then maybe just don't tell him when you O, and instead just take matters in your own hands (so to speak). We have our tricks, no? But that of course requires for you to know when you O, so just try and get it as close as possible and BD with D unknowing H a couple of times over a couple of days!

Whatever you decide, I wish you all good luck, and lots of baby dust!