Help Ladies, I know I must be in the wrong forum

[FlorenceC]

Hi ... i have 2 words . . . biological clock . . . 2 more words . . . immature boyfriend . . . i'm already 27--28 in Sept. and I'm not even engaged, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and it seems as though he thinks we have forever to start a family and I'm feeling very impatient. I don't completely share ALL of my feelings but he has a good idea as to what I feel. I'm starting to wonder if he is holding me back from my chance to ever be a mother. I have had 2 miscarriages and a preterm (22 weeks) due to an incompetent cervix (with my ex--last pregnancy ended 8/20/2000) So it's been a long time, and I can't help but feel that my time is running out. Even if I can still conceive and manage to carry the pregnancy, I DON'T want to be 35 with a 1 year old. No offense to you ladies who wait, but I don't want to and I'm already very high risk. I'm not sure what to do. I'm thinking that maybe I should find a man that is on the same page as me in life, who wants the same things I want . . . and even in the same decade. I love him but not enough to be a lonely old spinster with 29 cats. When I was little, I never realized exactly how much the clock TICKS . . . TICK TICK TICK . . . I just don't want to be sitting 10 years from now alone and passing by my "ex" (current) with his wife and family because we broke up and my time passed . . . . Not that I think he would ever leave me, but in the end, it could happen, through me resenting him. I know, I know . . . I just wrote a book . . . but I know one of you is reading this and completely feeling EVERYTHING that I've just said. We haven't even talked about marriage . . . I should probably get rid of him and find someone who has these same things running through his mind before it's too late right??? . . . Advice anyone, please?

[teacherintexas]

Personal advice-I married my first husband at 27 due to the loud ticking of my biological clock. That was, without a doubt, the biggest mistake of my life. Marry for the right reasons- you can't imagine your life without him, want to grow old with him and you even love silly things that would drive you crazy from anyone else. I can't imagine not having married my (second) husband.

Professional advice- Don't have children with a man who doesn't want them. Kids who don't have a stable home life have so much extra baggage and it hurts their educational and emotional growth. It's so painful to see kids hurt.

[lilh]

My DH is 33, I'm 30. We started TTC in August (although he wouldn't admit it - I told him birth control was his department from that point on - he stopped using any). He only admitted we were trying after we had a miscarriage in March. Men are funny like that. He needed to be in control of the situation. I've always tried not to pressure him, but it took me putting it in his hands before we started trying to get pregnant. Now we're trying again and he will say it out loud, but if I try to initiate sex he's not in the mood. I think he feels like all I want are his spermies.

Talk with your BF and see if you can find out what he's feeling (I know, easier said than done) without pressuring him. He may be worried about supporting a family, raising his kids right, etc. Or he may just be too immature and really not ready. Whatever the case may be, be respectful of his wishes and be patient with him. You have a lot of child bearing years ahead of you.

I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

PS - DH and I dated for 5 1/2 years before we got married and waited 7 years after that to TTC - I picked a slow mover too, but he's worth the wait!

[FlorenceC]

Well thanks for your advice ladies. I do love him, and trust me ... I tolerate some things from him that from anyone else would've already made me CRAZY by now. He says he wants children but he says "What's the rush?" And we've never talked about marriage ... that was my whole question . . . maybe i'm wasting my time with him and I should start looking for someone who is at the same point in life as me . . . otherwise I could end up wasting years with him while missing the person and the life I could have . . . I don't know . . I hate not having any stability or promise from him . . . there's no real commitment even . . . nope, just my "boyfriend" . . . I feel like I'm still in high school

[JellyB_3]

wow. that sounds lke my life 8 years ago.
I was 27 and desperate to get married and start a family. I loved him but had some of the same feelings you have.,he also said "What's the rush" and all that nonsense. Well, he finally gave in to me at age 28 (we were 21 when we started dating) We got married, had a very rocky marrige, because he just was not "ready" and wound up divorced at age 30.
I'm now 32 remarried and had a m/c in Dec. My clock is def. TICK, TICK, TICK!!!
I'm pg again, 5 weeks, but all I could think about is if I have another m/c It'll just set me back further! I'll already by 33 if this baby goes to term...
So, the moral of my story is, think long and hard, weigh your pros and cons, make sure your relationship is stable before commiting. I lost a lot of years because I made the wrong choice.
Good Luck. It'll happen when the time (and the person) is right.