im sorry for posting this as its nothing to do with me TTC physically, but i feel absolutely devastated at the moment and just need to vent.
After around 8 months TTC, my partner has told me this isnt the right time for us to have a baby and wants to wait for about a year before we TTC again.We're engaged at the moment but cant afford to get married yet, and he says we should wait until we're married. We're also renting at the moment and he wants to wait for us to buy a house.Some people might think this sounds sensible, but it will take us years to save up for these things. He does want a baby and i know he will be a great dad as he has two kids from a previous relationship who he is totally dedicated to, but i just feel if we wait for everything to be perfect like he imagines it will be, we will wait forever. The fact that im having problems conceiving just adds to the heartache, ive had 8 months of being heartbroken when AF arrives and was beginning to accept the fact that i was going to have to go on fertility drugs or consider some sort of treatment. But the thought of one day having a beautiful baby kept me fighting.Now i just feel like my whole world has fallen down around me and my dreams have been crushed. If i wait another year before even trying, and then add on all the time it could take me to conceive, it could be years before i become a mum.I know its better for it to happen later than not atall and i dont want it to sound like im being unreasonable or selfish, but this has been my goal for so long now. I have nothing against older mums, but i always personally wanted to have children young, my own mum was in her late 30's before she had me which means she is now 60 and i want her to be able to enjoy her grandchildren. i lost my grandparents, who i was very close to at a young age and i dont want the same thing to happen to my children.
I also now have the added concern of birth control, i dont want to go onto the pill because that could make it even harder for me to conceive when i come off it.
i just dont know which way to turn, i feel like my dreams have been taken away from me
Last edited by fallen_angel; 08-09-2006 at 02:41 PM.
i'm so sorry to hear that! I can see why you feel devastated. maybe you should approach him about maybe not "trying" but not using bc either. i mean, you were already planning on having a child, so it's not like it would be a horrible thing if you got preg! i agree that it's never the right time, we were going to wait for this & that, but decided that there's really nothing that can't be done (now) that we can't do w/ kids. maybe if he agrees to not going on bc, the lower stress would help out. we haven't been trying very long, but i'm convinced in my heart that it will only happen when God wants it to, you know? My thoughts & prayers are with you. (((((Big Hugs)))))
thank you jmd
i feel better already on reading your message. I guess because im having such problems conceiving, it would be unlikely id fall pregnant without BC anyway. I know if i did he would be pleased and be supportive, but i cant live my life by plans as they have a habit of falling down mid flight. I dont want to go on BC anyway and when i suggested us using condoms he looked horrified! so it might be a case of what you suggested anyway.
i totally agree with what you say about things only happen for us when they're meant to. that gives me strength.
thank you for replying and i send you lots of baby dust xx
Last edited by fallen_angel; 08-09-2006 at 03:15 PM.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go on birth control. If you are good at taking your temperature daily, you can use the fertility awareness method. It has the added benefit that when you are ready to TTC again, you will have charts to show your doctor, should you decide to begin fertility treatments right away.
There is a lot of information about the FAM on the internet. If you are interested, you can do a search and find out all about it.
Best wishes. I hope you are able to sort things out soon.
I totally agree with the others who have commented. I would just not get back on the BC pills, and let nature take it course. I hear quite often that it's a lot easier to conceive when your not trying/more relaxed about it. So just have fun, enjoy your man, and whatever happens, happens. If "it" doesn't happen, then you can go to a fertility specialist when you decide to try, and I'm sure they will help you out right away. As far as waiting until you have enough money/space, there's never enough. Or maybe it's just that you'll always think there's never enough, but it always works out - you make it work out in the end. Good luck!
thats so true, theres never an ideal time or situation is there, i guess the most important thing is that i feel ready for this and want to be a mum. And lets be honest, while a fathers role is important, most of the hard work comes down to us! i will see how things go but im not going back on BC, i know that much. thank you to everyone who responded to this and baby dust to you all~
I am so sorry you are going through this. I wonder if there is more going on then dh is saying. Men have emotional responses and then look for logical explanations. Maybe he has some fears that need to be talked about. Men think of themselves as providers and maybe he thinks there will be too much presser on him to work 2 jobs or stay at a job he hates. I hope I am not being too forward I mean to be helpful.
thank you for your reply. i dont think you are being forward atall, i appreciate everyones opinions.
There could well be more to it, one thing ive learnt with him is he has these unrealistic ideas about everything being perfect. His last relationship ended badly- his ex left him for someone else- and even though he gets to see his children i know he doesnt like being a part time dad. I think he is worried about the same thing happening again. He asked me if i was concerned about the two of us having a baby and then breaking up, and i said i wasnt because i know he will always be there for the baby and be a good dad which is the most important thing. I dont think he liked my response and told me he didnt want to be a surrogate dad. I just think its impossible to plan a perfect future as you can be madly in love with someone and then out of nowhere end up splitting up,even the best made plans have a habit of falling down around you.
Anyway, we are still discussing if and what we are going to do about birth control. Hes said if i do get pregnant he wont be angry or anything, so i guess thats one good thing.
Thank you for letting me rant!
Lots of Baby Dust~
I am so please you guys are talking openly. It is very cool that you have a man who can identify his feelings and then communicate them to you. I donít blame him for being concerned. I agree it is hard to know what the future holds; maybe he needs a little reassurance. Maybe he could use some TLC. Can you get him a sentimental card or write a letter or have a nice dinner. I think men want to feel as special as us girls. Show him your commitment.
I hope for you guys to sort this out and have a happy life. I would love to know what happens if you want to keep sharing.