dont know what to do - Trying to Conceive (TTC) Message Board

fallen_angel · 08-09-2006, 03:40 PM

im sorry for posting this as its nothing to do with me TTC physically, but i feel absolutely devastated at the moment and just need to vent.
After around 8 months TTC, my partner has told me this isnt the right time for us to have a baby and wants to wait for about a year before we TTC again.We're engaged at the moment but cant afford to get married yet, and he says we should wait until we're married. We're also renting at the moment and he wants to wait for us to buy a house.Some people might think this sounds sensible, but it will take us years to save up for these things. He does want a baby and i know he will be a great dad as he has two kids from a previous relationship who he is totally dedicated to, but i just feel if we wait for everything to be perfect like he imagines it will be, we will wait forever. The fact that im having problems conceiving just adds to the heartache, ive had 8 months of being heartbroken when AF arrives and was beginning to accept the fact that i was going to have to go on fertility drugs or consider some sort of treatment. But the thought of one day having a beautiful baby kept me fighting.Now i just feel like my whole world has fallen down around me and my dreams have been crushed. If i wait another year before even trying, and then add on all the time it could take me to conceive, it could be years before i become a mum.I know its better for it to happen later than not atall and i dont want it to sound like im being unreasonable or selfish, but this has been my goal for so long now. I have nothing against older mums, but i always personally wanted to have children young, my own mum was in her late 30's before she had me which means she is now 60 and i want her to be able to enjoy her grandchildren. i lost my grandparents, who i was very close to at a young age and i dont want the same thing to happen to my children.
I also now have the added concern of birth control, i dont want to go onto the pill because that could make it even harder for me to conceive when i come off it.
i just dont know which way to turn, i feel like my dreams have been taken away from me

jmd324 · 08-09-2006, 03:52 PM

i'm so sorry to hear that! I can see why you feel devastated. maybe you should approach him about maybe not "trying" but not using bc either. i mean, you were already planning on having a child, so it's not like it would be a horrible thing if you got preg! i agree that it's never the right time, we were going to wait for this & that, but decided that there's really nothing that can't be done (now) that we can't do w/ kids. maybe if he agrees to not going on bc, the lower stress would help out. we haven't been trying very long, but i'm convinced in my heart that it will only happen when God wants it to, you know? My thoughts & prayers are with you. (((((Big Hugs)))))

fallen_angel · 08-09-2006, 04:13 PM

thank you jmd
i feel better already on reading your message. I guess because im having such problems conceiving, it would be unlikely id fall pregnant without BC anyway. I know if i did he would be pleased and be supportive, but i cant live my life by plans as they have a habit of falling down mid flight. I dont want to go on BC anyway and when i suggested us using condoms he looked horrified! so it might be a case of what you suggested anyway.
i totally agree with what you say about things only happen for us when they're meant to. that gives me strength.
thank you for replying and i send you lots of baby dust xx

GoldenMom · 08-09-2006, 04:15 PM

So sorry to read this news, Fallen <<Hugs>>

I don't blame you for not wanting to go on birth control. If you are good at taking your temperature daily, you can use the fertility awareness method. It has the added benefit that when you are ready to TTC again, you will have charts to show your doctor, should you decide to begin fertility treatments right away.

There is a lot of information about the FAM on the internet. If you are interested, you can do a search and find out all about it.

Best wishes. I hope you are able to sort things out soon.

fallen_angel · 08-09-2006, 04:17 PM

Thank you also Goldenmom, i will definitely look into it. you are always so supportive, i dont know what id do without this board