how do i do this again next month? - Trying to Conceive (TTC) Message Board

eurokelly · 10-31-2006, 01:26 PM

I am feeling very low about the whole thing.....got AF today and feel depressed. 1/2 of me is scared to be pregnant in case I lose it again but the other 1/2 of me is desperate that i will never even have the chance. How long do we go through this, counting the days out in AF, O, 2WW and AF due without going crazy? I just want a family of my own so much. I know there are not any actual answers to these questions, I just don't know what to do next. I am so used to being in control of my life, and yet this one thing, the thing I want most in the world, is out of my control. I have so much else, a great relationship, a job I love, an amazing family and I am truly grateful for all that....and yet....I just don't feel complete. So, how do I do this again next month????

ksf74 · 10-31-2006, 01:40 PM

Oh EuroKelly... my heart goes out to you... I read your post and I completely feel the same way. I have not posted lately since getting my BFN/AF last week. I was really down in a slump but my DH kept saying "babe, it's not our month" and "It will happen when God wants it to happen". I keep saying to myself that I have to believe him but it does not take away the feelings of hopelessness. I too have to always be in control and it is not a great feeling when you aren't. I always wanted 2 kids by the time I was 30 and I am not 32 and have not had any success in conceiving one.

Let's both try to stay positive and focus on next month. At least we are both alive and have great husbands and are healthy enough to keep trying....

I will keep you in my prayers...

-Kelly (USA Kelly!)

alamaz · 10-31-2006, 01:52 PM

i totally know where you are coming from. some days are a lot harder than others. and i don't know if it's me or what but after AF showed up Sunday morning the whole rest of the day everytime i turned around everything was about babies and ttc (on tv, in the newspaper, at the grocery store). it seems i get so senstive right after AF shows up. the feelings of not being able to control the process and desperately wanting something for the past 15 or so odd years i've shunned are overwhelming.
as kelly said the only thing you can really do is focus on what you DO have and appreciate those things for being in your life and for making you happy.
so far i've tried to keep myself busy with new things. i've offered to volunteer at a local animal shelter just to keep me busy on those days when all that seems to consume my mind is ttc. sometimes mixing things up a bit are just what a girl needs to feel better.
prayers and lotsa supa sticky baby dust

cat1317 · 10-31-2006, 02:08 PM

Hi eurokelly,
I know exactly how you feel. AF arrived this morning (right on time). I feel so down, that I really don't know what to do next. DH and I have been ttc for a while and this time around for some reason has really got me down. I'm so sad that at this point I am clueless what else I can do. Sorry to vent so much, I'm just having a very down day!

megss · 10-31-2006, 02:23 PM

I too, know how you feel. It is so emotionally exhausting. Especially when everyone around you is turning up pregnant by accident or your best friend gets it on her first try. And what makes it frusterating is that not many people truely understand how you feel, even DH's! It truly does consume your life...because you have to act as if you are pregnant all the time: no drinking, no medicine, exc..... And the worst is every single month when you experience a new symptom(s) and just swear you are pregnant, only to recieve AF later. Its heart breaking! And confusing! Suddenly you realize you know nothing about your body, and understand exactly how jealous of a person you can be!
Sorry I vented a little, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings!!!!
I did take a break for a few months from ttc, and I do feel better after that, but I am terrified to test this time because I don't want another BFN. I will feel awful if that happens. I guess I keep going because I want it so badly. I pray every night to be blessed with a child, and I guess I really believe that it will eventually happen, even if its with medical assistance!
Just don't give up hope! Christmas time is right around the corner! That should take your mind off things for awhile!

Best Wishes
Megan