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Old 01-04-2007, 01:57 PM   #1
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LittleRed00 HB User
Family and TTC

Hello Ladies!

I was just wondering and needed a little vent-time. Do any of your families know you are TTC? My DH and I have been trying for a year and a half or more, most of our close relatives know because it's become a topic of conversation at several family events. Except, we've never went into too much detail, the inlaws know that I've taken Clomid and my parents, but we didn't want the extended family to know. Over Christmas and the Holidays, the in-laws felt it very neccessary to bring up the TTC, and a few distance relatives were asking " When ya having a little one?" So, the inlaws went in depth! They basically spilled my entire health history related to ttc! I was humiliated!

The in-laws also make little remarks like " Do you need someone to teach you how to BD since you guys don't seem to be getting it right?" And I KNOW they are only kidding or trying to make light of the situation, but for me it's not a situation to be joked about. Every time that I start that AF or get the BFN, I am hard on myself. I don't need someone else reminding me of how much I am failing. My parents and my married-into-parents are all ready for more grandchildren and they're looking at me to hurry up..and in turn, I'm looking at my body and going.." Hellooo? C'mon body, work!"

So basically, this novel (which I am sorry for) is basically to ask, did you tell your family..and do any of your relatives react like mind, if so, how do you handle it without sounding very snotty? Thanks so much!!


Red

 
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Old 01-04-2007, 02:18 PM   #2
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principessa HB User
Re: Family and TTC

Hey Red,

My mum and sister know but thats all - and I think that is bad enough without everyone knowing. You poor girl, it's so awkward when people 'give advice' and make ill-informed jokes. What do you say?

My mum keeps saying it will happen when the time is right - so why is the time not right now? She also says my m/c was caused due to my stressful job - gee thanks mum!

My sis on the otherhand is like your in-laws, she reckons I don't do it right or often enough. Can I just say my sis has had a lot of babies and each one took less than 3 months to concieve.

In reply to these comments (and any others baby questions from friends and colleagues) I smile, roll my eyes and say 'okay change the record' or 'would you like a cup of tea' or 'have you lost weight?' or my personal favourite 'Oh guess who I saw today!'. In short I try to avoid and deflect any interest in my ttc chronicle!! Peoplw get the message pretty quickly!

Sorry for the long message but I totally sympathise with you and hope you get your BFP very soon!! xxx

 
Old 01-04-2007, 02:43 PM   #3
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LittleRed00 HB User
Re: Family and TTC

Thanks for the reply, hopefully we both get our BFP's soon!!

My MIL also says " You're just too worried about it, don't take anything it'll happen." But, she doesn't understand that some women just don't O without some kind of stimulation! I tried the ' just do it' method. I've learned sometimes it's best to just change the subject, as you said. " Oh! How about those Cubs?" We'll get those BFP's soon and then we'll WANT people to ask!! So we can say " Oh, bun's in the oven now." hehe


Red

 
Old 01-04-2007, 07:20 PM   #4
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GoldenMom HB User
Re: Family and TTC

Hi Red!

Sorry everyone has their noses in your business! <<HUGS>>

After trying for over a year we chose to tell our families and we specifically asked them not to inquire about how we were doing. For the first year that we tried family constantly poked their noses into our business. I got tired of people asking so we decided to tell everyone and told them not to ask about it anymore. We were very frank, but it's much easier on us this way.

Good luck!

 
Old 01-04-2007, 07:45 PM   #5
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LittleRed00 HB User
Re: Family and TTC

Thanks for the kind words, ladies.


Red

 
Old 01-04-2007, 07:47 PM   #6
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pinkie1 HB User
Re: Family and TTC

I'm so sorry you're going through this Red. Family can make the harshest comments sometimes without knowing it. I had my FIL constantly asking me (and not DH) when another little one will be on it's way. Even after telling him a few times that we've been trying a couple years he didn't get the clue. Finally I told him and my sister (who was always butting in) "If we get pregnant, don't worry, we'll tell you." They haven't asked since (in over a year! yeah!)

 
Old 01-04-2007, 08:31 PM   #7
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bamagrl HB User
Re: Family and TTC

When we decided to start having children I was really ready but there was still this voice inside my head saying "are you sure you want to?" But I just have to say that giving birth to your baby is the most wonder experience that a women will go through. In my opinion there is nothing better. I've been there twice and I am dying to do it again. I've always said that if you are able, every women needs to experience childbirth!! It is absolutely amazing !! To all of you who got your bfp's, you are in for the best journey your life could take, I wish you the best of luck (i'm a little jealous) I'll be right there with you soon enough!!

 
Old 01-05-2007, 06:40 AM   #8
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Sophie11 HB User
Re: Family and TTC

Red, I don't think it is any better when people don't know you are ttc. People drive me crazy asking when we are going to have another one. I feel like telling them none of your business. I usually just say something like, "One is enought for right now." or , "Someday maybe." Even people I don't know very well ask us stuff like that. I drives me crazy!!

Good luck, I hope you get your BFP really really soon!!!
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Old 01-05-2007, 04:24 PM   #9
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Tigrilla HB User
Re: Family and TTC

When I first started TTC last Jan. I told a few of my close girlfriends at Ladies Night. But DH and I did not tell our parents or anyone in the family. I didn't want my MIL to tell me what I needed to do to the house or my mom worrying about it. When I got preg they were all really surprised and happy. Then I made the mistake of telling others too soon that I was preg. only to have a m/c. So now, I really try to keep things more private, although a couple of people try to pry to get the details. I just love Pinkie's answer! I am going to start using that one. I know people have good intentions when they ask, but it does bother me. I would be very upset if someone else starting telling others about my situation. It is such a sensitive and personal subject. How would they like it if you asked them about their period or sex life - in front of their in laws!!? I really feel for you! Don't be hard on yourself, your doing everything you can, and things will take their course. Hang in there girl, and stay positive!

Last edited by Tigrilla; 01-05-2007 at 05:29 PM.

 
Old 01-05-2007, 05:07 PM   #10
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LittleRed00 HB User
Re: Family and TTC

I'm doing the best I can in regards to hanging in there. And it's hard for me to smile my way through all the questions, now that everyone knows we are ttc! So I feel like I have to explain everything, it's just a lot of stress. I considered telling everyone that we're just taking a break for a while, maybe they'll stop with the questions..of course I have no intent to take a break, I'm intent on getting that BFP!! Thanks girls, for all the kind words and thoughts. It's so nice to have a place to come vent where everyone knows how you feel.

Red

 
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