Need some advice-ttc - Trying to Conceive (TTC) Message Board

hopefull2007 · 02-21-2007, 12:13 PM

This is my 1st posting. I am 28 years old and my husband and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. We found out we were pregnant about a month after we got back from our honeymoon a year ago. I took birthcontrol until we went on our honeymoon and decided to start trying. I thought it would take a couple of years so when I found out a month later I was pregnant, we were exstatic. I had my first doctors appointment in May and everything seemed fine. When we went to our first ultrasound on May 10, they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was 8 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were devastated. We just held each other and cried when we found out. I kept hoping this was a bad dream and I was going to wake up any moment. I had a d/c performed a week later and my doctor told us to wait 3 months before trying again. Those seemed to be the longest 3 months of my life. My hcg levels were dropping really slow. When it was almost time to try, my doctor wanted us to wait another 6 months before trying again because she was worried because it took so long for my levels to drop below 2.9 (which is considered negative) that I might have had a partial molar pregnancy. I had to have my blood drawn every month for 6 months. We were just given the ok to start trying again. I am a very anxious person, so I bought a fertility monitor so I would know when I was ovulating. The problem I am dealing with right now is that when I am at peak fertility, my husband gets so stressed about it, that he is unable to finish (or in other words, provide the needed ingredient to fertilize the egg). I am so desperate to get pregant so I can have back that happiness that I had when I was pregnant before. This was going to be my first baby. My husband has a daughter who is 5 and lives with us. I love her with all my heart. I have been raising her since she was 16 months old. When he is unable to finish, I get very emotional and depressed. I love my husband so much. (we have been together for almost 5 years) Does anyone have any advice on what we should do. I am afraid this will continue to happen everytime I ovulate. Has anyone had a similar situation. Sorry this is so long, just thought hearing a little of my background would help!

alamaz · 02-21-2007, 12:39 PM

Hi hopefull-
i'm so sorry you had a m/c. i had one in january so i know how painful it is.
what your husband is experiencing is not uncommon. it happens to a lot of guys when they feel pressured to perform. are you telling him about it being time because you are ovulating? try not telling him and see what happens. BD more than that one time of the month when you know you're fertile so he doesn't feel like all you are using him for is sprem. my husband and i have been trying for awhile and we both get burned out on BD'ing all the time just for one that reason. we realized we had to also make the BD'ing about us too and making ourselves and our relationship feel good!

amy

bricely · 02-21-2007, 12:59 PM

i agree with alama, in fact thats what i've done i didn't tell my DH that i was ready, in fact when he asked i said no hunny dont' worry that next week when i O so he performed well without having so much pressure so i'm hoping it worked but i have to wait until my af is due in March 6 so i'm crossing my fingers i get a BFP next month sending lots of sticky dust to everyone

Amy 333 · 02-21-2007, 01:07 PM

Alamaz and Hopefull2007 I am sorry about the m/c i have been through it too last August and sometimes i don t feel i am completely over it. . .. but life goes on and there s nothing much we can do about it.

Hopefull2007 I totally agree with Alamaz. Do not specify your ovulation day to your DH. Don t just BD, make love to so that he won t be able to distinguish which are the BD days.
My husband had the same prob .I actually used to end up angry with dissappointment. This is a problem which i think we probably impose on them ourselves. Since they sense that we want to conceive so badly and they feel pressured.

So now it is my homework to time stuff and i don t tell him all the details.

Good luck

Sticky baby dust
AMy

hopefull2007 · 02-21-2007, 01:26 PM

Alamaz and Amy, I am sorry to hear about your m/c too. We were just given the ok to start trying again in the beginning of February, and when I started showing high fertility, I was so excited, I told my husband. I've been told that seeing the monitor and the urine sticks laying around probably don't help either, so I have hidden all of that. I think I might do what Bricely did, and try my hardest not to give any indication when I am O'ing. I really appreciate your advice and I wish you all the best of luck.

Lots of "sticky" baby dust to all of you
Hopefull 2007