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Old 05-03-2007, 09:37 PM   #1
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justme231 HB User
Older, scared and TTC

Hi everyone,
Thanks for reading my post. I just had my 1 year anniversary last month. I am 37 and my DH and I have decided to try to get prego. He is 36 and divorced once, but neither of us have children, so this (if we ever do get preg) will be our first. I am very scared that I will not be able to conceive because I am older. I have also read all the info about the risks and am afraid of all that I have read as well. I am looking for advice as well as perhaps some support from others who have had babies later in life. Any info or input would be appreciated. I feel the need to chat about my concerns, and could really use some people to talk with. Thank you.

 
Old 05-03-2007, 10:01 PM   #2
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marinewife12 HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

First of all, welcome!

Secondly...try as much as you can to not listen to all of the negative things that people say. One of my friends who was pregnant had this book that she referred to as "the scary book." It would say things like "if you cough in the second trimester, you probably miscarried." It freaked her out to no end...until one day her husband literally took the book outside and burned it. (Quite symbolic) You just can't think about the "what ifs" when trying to get pregnant or while being pregnant.

Be aware of the odds, and have realistic expectations. (In other words, don't assume something is wrong if you aren't pregnant next week.) Be honest with yourself and don't be afraid to seek out help from medical professionals to speed things up if that's what you want. But definitely don't dwell on the "what ifs" of 30-something women carrying babies. It sometimes leads to self-fulfilling prophecies...women stressing themselves into early labor or high blood pressure.

I've not been pregnant before, nor am I in my 30s (I'm 23) but I understand your fear. After being in birth control since I was 17, and spending the last year of high school and all of college fearing pregnancy, now I only wish I had been so lucky. At least it would have allowed me a child, and now that I have troubles TTC, I look back and say "well, there were 5 good reproductive years I missed."

Too ironic...

 
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Old 05-04-2007, 06:03 AM   #3
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prairie_dawn HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

I would like to welcome you as well. Yes my ID name is right, i have 4 children...I do not type here to mock you but to try to ease your fears a little. I had my first child at that age of 21 I was married right after i turned 19. I left when baby was 7months old and remet a boyfriend that was forbidden when baby was 14 months old(long story). We chose not to get married unless we were going to have kids. We chose to have them so we got married when son was 5 yrs old. I felt off and had not been on birthcontrol for a yr. (history of my birthcontrol was i had unexplained bleeding so they put me on it)( i dont beleive it and it will never use it again). I had been ill with the flu and 3months later found out through blood work that i had hyperthyroidism. Long story short I fixed that and went to an specialist for help....I got pregnant with my 2nd child (his first) and I had one of those books that you read during pregnancy. If you go by what those books say i swear you have every disease and complaint in them....By baby #3 it was worse and well #4 I threw that book out the window and let it rot where it was. I have 4 wonderful kids(ehem depending on the day ) and I still even after knowing what to expect was still sucked into those books untill i finally didnt let them in the house.

I would recomend that you get a good physical and make sure you hormone and THYROID level are fine. I do not remember what hte wait is for someone 37 but i think it is 6months and 12 months for under 35. Make sure you have your entire family history to tell dr.. If you feel off or something is wrong tell your dr. tell your dr your fears as well. If you choose to go the fertility route then listen to your dr's suggestions and as a couple choose what is best for you. Everyone will tell you OH arent you too old? Didnt you wait too long? TEll them what you will that is your choice. My dh was 37 before he had his first child. (we are 8 years apart) He is 41 now and we hope to have #5 but with my disease we have to see then we will be done for sure. I'm 33 right now and I had a dr. tell me dont you have enough. I was appauled at him and never went back after I told him a thing or two.

Pregnancy and trying to get pregnant are scary but the books make it worse and so do people and sometimes family even if they dont mean it. There are many wives tales out there and many things that do work. But its really about timing and having fun. My 2nd and 3rd we had to use drugs(FERTILITY) to help me since my thyroid had made my eggs poor. As dh and I were going to try for #4 and go back to the fertility dr. we woundup pregnant on my own and that was just the best feeling. I swore i wouldnt use the fert drugs again since God had showed me that its not up to me.

Just try to have fun, relax and be honest with eachother. If you ever choose to use those fertility drugs remember that they will cause you to have mood swings.Make sure you knwo what to expect so you can laugh wehn it happens, that really helped us to get through it. LOL

I am sure you will do just fine, 37 is not old no matter what society makes it out to be.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 01:34 PM   #4
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Ol'Line Rebel HB UserOl'Line Rebel HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Wow, hi Just, you and I are alot alike!

I am 37, will be 38 in a month - and also at that time just married 2 years. Never been married before, never pregnant. My husband is 40, though. But he's new to it all, too.

I would've tried TTC a year earlier if it hadn't been for my own health falling apart (since I got married! ) and trying to get past it. Well, looks like I'm going to have to "suffer" and just give up with that, and get to TTC EXACTLY because I'm "old" and any chance will be gone soon! (If I were 27, I'd try several more years to see if I could "get healthy"!)


I try not to worry too much about TTC as an "old woman". My own father was the very last of 8 children, his mother 42 when he was born (and she had all the children in regular intervals, pretty much).

I have twin friends whose dear mother (God rest her sweet soul) must've been about 35 when she had them - her only children.

Then, I just hear about my husband's friend's sister-in-law, who TTC for years then "gave up" - and had a child at 47! (Yes, I wrote "4" - FORTY-SEVEN.) She is my new hero!

Of course, my (half-)sister was very hard TTC a decade ago, having difficulty. Finally after many artificial means, she had the twins at 35. Then, "by accident" as a 38yo or so, she conceived again. (She already had a son when she was about 25; this was for her 2nd husband.)

So, there are some anecdotes to keep you going!

Maybe we can be TTC pals! (I admit, I have only lurked - I'm just starting TTC and really don't want to make it a "huge deal" as implied by all this techno-speak on the board! I really only wish for nature to happen.)

Last edited by Ol'Line Rebel; 05-08-2007 at 01:35 PM.

 
Old 05-09-2007, 06:46 AM   #5
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justme231 HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Hi Ol' Line
Thanks for your response and encouragement. I, too, will be 38 soon and it's scary.

I am also new to this board, and I do understand what you mean about the "techno talk", but I think it is in place to help people ask questions that would otherwise be embarassing. I am trying to get pregnant, but have not gotten to the point of temperature taking and all that, and I have no idea what most of the other stuff discussed here is. I don't have the lingo down either, but people are very responsive no matter what.

I also have friends that had their first kids in their late 30's-early 40's, and my OBGyn is very encouraging as well. I am still scared as I have heard of all the increased genetic risks. We would have tried sooner too, but my husband ruptured two disks back in October and finally had surgery in mid January. If I finaly do get pregnant, I will definitely have all the possible genetic tests done.

Also, the past year my periods have gotten so wierd....really heavy one month then almost nothing the next. I get horrible radiating pain down my left leg prior to the really bad ones. The last terrible one, I thought I had miscarried. That sent me crying to my OB, who assured me it was OK, but wants me to have another ultrasound (I have a small fibroid) on the 15th, then have dye injected into my tubes to check for blockages. I hear that is NO fun.

What health issues have you had recently, if you don't mind my asking?

Thanks

 
Old 05-09-2007, 07:24 AM   #6
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Ol'Line Rebel HB UserOl'Line Rebel HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Check out the ACID REFLUX and DIGESTIVE DISORDERS boards and you'll find out; and even some Ear/Nose/Throat!

Some 3 weeks after I married, I got a horrid pain shooting through my hip. It was the most horrible pain I've ever had to deal with over a "long" time. I soon was waddling to work in baby steps because I could hardly move; I carried ice packs with me all the time and "wore" them sometimes even walking. Finally went to physical therapy only after it was getting gradually better; PT helped much, but should've done it much sooner. In the meantime I took massive dosages of ibuprofen, which I thought led to my next disaster.

Maybe, but not sure, the ibuprofen led to my sudden downfall in the digestive department. OTOH, my gastroenterologist said he suspected my birth-control pills (hormones); I had been on the BCP for exactly a year when it "hit". Maybe it was an evil combination!

The digestive stuff has been nasty, and while my gazillions of blood tests kept coming back negative, I still often suspect something with my liver - too often I have a strange tingling burning sensation all around where the liver should be. I have a "paralyzed stomach", which coupled with a nasty drug, seems to lead to heart palpitations. I stopped that drug very quickly but I still have too many heart palps (but I DID have some BEFORE the drug, AND many right before I had the big digestive disaster).

It just seems the digestive problems have been a problem in themselves and have led to other problems. And yet, it still seems it all started with a VERY hurting butt!

Incidentally, I worry about my butt problems (I was so good starting a year ago, but recently had a relapse, but not too severe) because it is a hip/spine joint problem (nerve is what causes the pains). I get concerned either pregnancy and/or birth is going to cause some major break-down in that area!

Aside, don't hurt your butt! There is nothing worse as far as "injury" - you can't rest it, period! Every position, every "rest" is bad!

Have I bored you enough yet with non-TTC stuff?

 
Old 05-09-2007, 10:59 PM   #7
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justme231 HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Ol' Line,

Check out my post regarding heart flutters and indigestion. I have issues there as well. I have looked in to this matter, and heart palps can actually be CAUSED by reflux and indigestion because of the proximity of the esophagus to the heart muscles. I guess when you have reflux and/or indigestion, the vibrations from your esophagus can make your heart flutter (or feel like it is fluttering). My palps seem to increase with stress and/or fatigue but I also take a lot of Motrin (for cramps), which gives me major indigestion. Recently my OB switched me to Naproxen DS (DS= time released) which seems to cause less stomach issues.

Sheese, I also have sciatica issues (pain in the butt....lol) from time to time...perhaps we are twins??

I think I get most freaked about getting pregnant because I am a bit of a hypochondriac already and can only imagine how neurotic I'll be if I am having a baby! Still going to try though....I'll be posting all over the place if and when I do get pregnant. Are you taking a prenatal vitamin? I am, and those mess my tummy all up as well.

 
Old 05-10-2007, 11:29 AM   #8
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Ol'Line Rebel HB UserOl'Line Rebel HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Actually, the vagus nerve controls the heart as well as the digestive system. That is probably why PACs occur with gastroparesis (GP) and GERD (although it is not openly admitted by doctors as yet), if they are really nerve problems. It is well known that the Reglan for helping GP can cause a bunch of nervous-type problems, including heart palpitations. Hence, undoubtedly the nervous system controlling both is affected by the drug and possibly the diseases (or it could be the other way around: bad nerve = bad GI).

No, I'm not taking any pre-natals yet. I guess I'll have to look into them. Only on folic acid. But maybe anything would be good to boost me because I'm old and not perfectly healthy! I really haven't researched much, and I'm not sure I want to, because I've seen what all the panic and concern and obsession did to my sister before she finally had twins. She about went crazy - I mean that, and this is not a woman who is crazy; she's 1 of the most level-headed people there could be. I think I'll appreciate diet suggestions such as vitamins, but not sure I want to go nuts on the "methods" and allegedly precise science of all this! But, I'll probably get sucked in!

 
Old 05-10-2007, 04:33 PM   #9
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lbp35 HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

I got pg with my first at 37, my dh was 44 and he has a 17 year old! It was the best decision for me.This is my second marriage and I am more settled and less selfish than I was at 25. I started taking prenatels as soon as we started trying.It did take a year before I got a bfp but I think that was because I put so much pressure on myself cause of my age. My dd was born when I was 38 and she is just perfect. Women are having babies later in life now and my good friend is 40 and pg with her first! Don't worry! you'll befine!!

 
Old 05-10-2007, 09:14 PM   #10
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justme231 HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

lbp35,

Hi and thanks for the encouragement! I appreciate it. I am a worrier by nature, so obviously pregnancy scares me. I do realize that many women are having children later in life, and I totally agree with you....I am so much more prepared and MUCH less selfish than I was 10 years ago. It's just that so many people are so quick to point out all of the potential complications. I think I may go crazy with worry like Ol' Line said her sister did, and I am so afraid of being in that state of mind for 9 months. I do appreciate chatting with people like you and Ol' Line about this....please let's keep posting to eachother. It really helps ease my mind!

Thanks.

 
Old 05-11-2007, 06:40 AM   #11
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lbp35 HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

I am a worrier too actually so bad I took Zoloft during my pregnancy and still do but now at a higher dose. Things will be fine. Things are so different now and possible problems can be detected so much earlier thses days.Just don't let the doctors scare you. They did this to me when they checked for downs syndrome. Mine blood test numbers were good but because of my age they upped it and scared the crap out of me. I had a level 2 ultrasound that showed the baby to be fine!!! I hope I can help you in your journey and if you have any questions, I'd be glad to help! Also alot of my friends who are now in their second marriages are becoming pg!!! Good luck!

 
Old 05-11-2007, 11:40 AM   #12
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Ol'Line Rebel HB UserOl'Line Rebel HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Quote:
Originally Posted by lbp35 View Post
They did this to me when they checked for downs syndrome. Mine blood test numbers were good but because of my age they upped it and scared the crap out of me. I had a level 2 ultrasound that showed the baby to be fine!!!

Hi lbp!

I have to ask what is meant here.

Do you mean because you were "old", they widened the range of "acceptable" numbers in the blood test from the average "normal" numbers?

(I know nothing about this, so please bear with me.)

e.g., let's say the "normal" range in bloodwork is 1-5, and if the baby is outside 5, they fear it might have Downs.

But if you're "old", they widen the range of "normal" baby to something like 1-10. Now, if you read an 8, your baby is feared to have Downs?


Thanks for chiming in with us!

 
Old 05-11-2007, 11:10 PM   #13
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justme231 HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Hi Gals!

My OBGyn has been very encouraging, though she is honest about the risks. She is constantly reassuring me about women that she treats that are having kids in their 40's. I really like and trust her a lot. She assured me that there are very specific tests for me to have to determine if my baby may be at risk for genetic defects. I guess that it may increase my risk of miscarrying though.

I have no idea what you are refering to in regard to the "numbers", but I guess I'll look into that. I have some friends that have gotten the crap scared out of them based on tests during pregnancy. One of my close friends has twins, and when she was pg, her tests indicated that one of the babies might have Downs (I don't get how it could be specific to only one of the babies). Well, what the heck was she supposed to do at that point? Some people might terminate if presented with the risk of Downs, but with twins....and for whatever reason only one at risk? FYI both kids, now almost 5 years old are fine... and neither has DS. That's what freaks me out. If they tell me my baby may have downs, or something worse....who's to say that they are right? On the flip side, if they say all is well, how can I trust that either? I just wonder how accurate the tests are. I don't know what I would do if there was an issue, but I'd just like to know the accuracy of the tests. Sometimes I feel really selfish for even considering the risks, and guilty that it may make me consider the pregnancy. How do you gals feel about this? I realize that this is a touchy subject, so if it makes you uncomfortable to answer just say so.

Last edited by justme231; 05-11-2007 at 11:13 PM.

 
Old 05-15-2007, 08:59 AM   #14
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Ol'Line Rebel HB UserOl'Line Rebel HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Hello justme.

I know about those risks, but I figure whatever happens is what God wants. If I have a DS (or anything else) baby, God wants me to take care of him!

Yes, I get scared about that.

I also get scared about getting diabetes from this, or other problems I have getting worse.


But I try to temper it all with the statistics, just like for my acid-reflux. There's a small chance you will have a problem.

 
Old 05-03-2008, 09:10 AM   #15
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Katanya HB User
Re: Older, scared and TTC

Hi! I see you are in Michigan too! What part? I am 44 years old, and ttc. I misscarried at 41, so I know I can conceive. Do you know of any Reproductive Endrocrinologists that treat advanced Maternal age related fertilty issues in your area? What about acupuncturists that treat older patients? I have always had pretty low fsh numbers sometimes as low as 2.5, until recently. I have been doing everything to get healthy for six months now, acupuncture, some herbs, eating better, lost weight, but yet now I missed a cycle and I am getting night sweats. Has this ever happened to you? It is really nice to find someone in the area ttc. I would appreciate any help you can give me and what you are doing as far as ttc. Also if anyone else here can help I would appreciate it. All my hormone tests have come out normal although I still suspect thyroid, I just had it retested. I have never had any children, just got married at 41. Surely there must be a doc or acupuncturist in Michigan that can help.

Susanne

Quote:
Originally Posted by justme231 View Post
Hi everyone,
Thanks for reading my post. I just had my 1 year anniversary last month. I am 37 and my DH and I have decided to try to get prego. He is 36 and divorced once, but neither of us have children, so this (if we ever do get preg) will be our first. I am very scared that I will not be able to conceive because I am older. I have also read all the info about the risks and am afraid of all that I have read as well. I am looking for advice as well as perhaps some support from others who have had babies later in life. Any info or input would be appreciated. I feel the need to chat about my concerns, and could really use some people to talk with. Thank you.

 
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