magster04

so true, so true,

hard to really trust though isn't it? This is what I've been having trouble with lately. yesterday, I had to leave church because a friend who hasn't been able to concieve told me she's a month preggers... I'm SO HAPPY for them!! I was able to give them both hugs and talk for a couple of minutes about her duedate and how she's feeling etc. My DH even said he could tell I was genuinly ecited for them. At the same time, it hit me really REALLY hard. Thank God it didnt hit until I was behind them in church, my DH knew what was wrong and we just left, took a drive, I cried and he held me and we talked. The whole ttc and IF thing leaves me emotionally drained at times.

I know God's timing is perfect. Here's what I'm struggling with: Do I trust God and not do anything to help myself or do I go with the belief he allowed the medication to be created in order to help us? If I don't do anything to make af start, I'll go for months without af. That's not good for my health either. If I do take the prog. and clomid, it's almost impossible to not focus on ttc.

Is there a good answer?? What do you all think?

I also know God may have a child for us through adoption and if that's how we're supposed to build our family then I know God will prepare us for that as well.

The sweetest thing is, another friend at church knew the news would be hard on me and stopped by last night, thenleft a note when we weren't home. I called her and she was so SWEET! She said anytime I needed to talk or cry or just get mad I could feel free to talk to her. She said it's ok to be upset and she knew I was happy for the other couple. To not feel guilty for crying. then she said, when they were ttc and it wasnt' happening she would buy little girls dresses when she was out shopping when she found one she liked. By the time she got pg she had several in the closet of the nursery. She said she thinks God wants to know you really have faith he's going to bless you and by starting to prepare for a baby, it's a faith in action sort of thing. So, she invited me to go shopping sometime for a baby outfit to have in the baby's room. I'm going to take her up on it. I'm also going to go ahead and get the cradle and changing table my DH's mom used with her boys and start getting the nursery ready. We've been re-painting our house lately and have been talking about the baby room, what colors etc. So I think it's time to start putting talk into actions.

So, for now, we're waiting to see if the clomid worked this month and if I'm going to O or not. Then we're going to continue on with our plans of iui this fall if we can't do it on our own. Thanks for being there for each of us when we're going through a rough patch. I know God has our little bundles ready to deliver when it's time. Thanks for reading (and sorry for!!) this incredibly long post. It feels good to have typed it out.

Vi