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Old 10-11-2007, 02:05 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: lake charles, louisiana, usa
Posts: 17
vanima84 HB User
confusion

My DH and I had planned on starting to TTC in April. We quit smoking and I have started prenatal vitamins to help get my body the nutrients that it needs.

My father, stepfather, stepmother, and FIL are all excited and want us to get pregnant because they want grand children. (on my wedding night my stepfather said GET PREGO ON YOUR HONEYMOON I WANT A BABY!)

My mother and MIL on the other hand are very nonsupporting. I understand why but do not agree with them. I am in college still and though having a child will make things a bit more difficult, I am not going to drop out. My mother had her first when she was 17 and not married, my sister 18 and not married. My mother keeps comparing me to my sister even though our situations are completely different. I am 23, married to a great man, and am ready for children. My mil has been calling my husband when I am not around and pushing for him to wait. Now he is considering holding off on kids for a while longer. (he has always been under her thumb)

I am very upset about this and am wondering how I could bring it up to my husband without fighting. He mentioned it in a very roundabout way and I just had to walk away before I started crying.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 08:36 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,326
Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: confusion

How about calling your MIL and telling her you are both adults and that you have decided together that now is the time for you and YOUR husband to try for a baby. You can tell her that since you are adults you are both capable of this and dont need her sticking her nose in. Tell her if she has anymore issues with what you and YOUR husband decide to do it is best if she talks to both of you instead of one of you since you area couple. Just remember to be polite to her.
After you have that talk with her. Ask your dh if he will sit down with you after dinner and talk about your baby plans together. Let him know that you and he are the ones that make the choices for your family since you are a family even if you dont have kids yet. That you prefer both your families to stay out of the life choices you are making together. Make sure to mention your family as well so he doesnt think/feel you are against his mother. Guys can be real touchy about their mothers. So let him know you feel that way about yours as well. Let him know how you feel about his roundabout ways of hinting at changing the plans you and he already made. Let him know that he can talk to you about how he feels but it should be how he feels and not how others "may" have influnced that. Remember to stay calm and try not to get weepy or mad. That is a sure fire way to get him ot shut down and not want to talk. Let him know you understand he maybe having second thoughts but that you both arent the people your parents are comparing you too. And that how you feel and that you still want to stick to your original plans with him.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

 
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