So Frustrated!!!! - Trying to Conceive (TTC) Message Board

jayla31 · 11-02-2007, 08:32 PM

Is there anyone here that can help me or give me any advise or help me understand what is happening to me right now!!?

My DH & myself have been trying this cycle to finally get our BFP and we made a pact that we would pull out all the stops and do everything possible to make it happen if it were in our power. So, I have been doing my BBT daily, even using an alarm clock to wake up & to take it the same time daily! We have also been using OPK's, checking my cervix, and CF.

On CD14 we finally get a Pos on the OPK, get watery CF, My cervix is High, Soft, & Open and we BD that Morning, then CD15, we get still a strong POS on the OPK, with my Cervix in the same position but now we have EWCM, with a BBT DIP, we try to BD 3or4 times that day but he was unable to ejactulate! He said he just couldn't no matter how hard he tried! Now today CD16 I have a NEG OPK, Cervix is Medium & soft, with slightly watery/cremey CF and a major increase in BBT. He was still unable to ejaculate!

I am so frustrated that I can't see striaght! He says he's trying but can't & I truly don't understand why not! He has never had a problem ejaculating before and we had his sperm tested and my RE said he has a strong high count, he's 23. I'm trying to be there for him but it's hard because I feel like we haver missed our window all because he couldn't ejaculate!

Does anyone have any suggestions? Can anyone tell me if we have a chance since he did ejaculate on the day we got the first POS OPK, my cervix being high soft and open, and watery CF? IS there anyway I can help him relax and ejaculate?

If we weren't TTC, I wouldn't be complaining but now isn't the time for stamina, and he got offended when I made that point.

Someone please help me! This has us doing the SILENT thing today and I don't want this to put a wedge between us but I'm crying and yelling inside at the same time!!!

Blastoff9600 · 11-03-2007, 06:43 AM

You arent going to like this but back off him and do so now. You are only adding to the "problem" by saying stuff like that to him and by showing your frustration like you are. Trust me on this he knows how you are feeling and is feeling just as frustrated and upset as you are. But it is effecting him in a physical way in that he cant ejaculate. Also you both put all this pressure on yourselves by setting this cycle up the way you did. So that can and does effect a guy.It happens and if you keep this kind of pressure up chances are it will happen again and you will only drive an even bigger wedge between you. If you havent already read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If I remember correctly the author talks about stuff like this in her book. So I say again back off and just relax. You got a chance form the day before and it is a pretty good chance. I know you dont want to hear stuff like relax but really you need to if not for yourself for your DH.
I suggest from now on dont let your DH know when your fertile time is dont focus so much on it when he is around. Dont let him see your charts or the opks or anything else related to ttc. Bring the fun sex back for him. Even though you are doing the silent thing go to him and hug him. Cuddle with him and let the issue drop this time.
My dh was starting to feel the effects of ttc with our second son. Thankfully I was aware that it could be an issue and when we had a problem like yours it wasnt during my fertile period. I had already shut him out on seeing my charts and such so I knew it was ok. And told him not to worry and that we just needed to enjoy ourselves. That did the trick and when it was actually my fertile period he didnt know and so no pressure on him. We enjoyed ourselves. Granted that cycle it didnt equal into a + but the next cycle did.

jayla31 · 11-03-2007, 09:32 AM

Thank you sooooo much for your words. Because I had no clue and now I feel horrible. I haven't read tht book but I have noticed others making reference to it but now I will run out and get it and read it.

I never thought to keep the ttc stuff to myself. I was trying to make it a PEOJECT for the both of us. Now I know. And if we don't get a BFP this cycle, I know how to better handle the next

I am happy I decided to become apart of this Message Board, bc it's so much more comforting to kw that there are real ppl out there that have and are experiencing the same or many other issues.

Well, I have some apologizing to do and learn to be more patient!
Thank you for the support!
Jayla

Blastoff9600 · 11-03-2007, 04:28 PM

Oh dont feel bad most of of us have been in your shoes at least once and had to learn the hard way. Though I do agree with the apologizing and have done it myself. That book is well worth reading. TTC is one of the most stressful things one can go through especially when you start getting into the end of the first year and into the second and third years. So dont beat yourself up. Just remember to keep it fun. He can still be a part of it just let him have the fun part of not worrying over when you are fertile or not.
Dh has been very open about our years of failure. Granted it took time to get him to open up about it. But he does talk about it. He hates when each cycle comes to an end and it is a failure. He has even been reading up on ways to increase his fertility. Shock of shocks and has gone out of his way to improve what he eats and is taking vitamins. Even though we have unexplained infertility he wants to feel like he is doing something besides just having sex. But I still wont let him know what my charts show when I do chart.

jayla31 · 11-03-2007, 07:16 PM

Thank you! You really made my day much easier to get through! I did get the book this afternoon and I started reading it. It's actually pretty informative. I am re-learing things I thought I knew.

I honestly am looking forward to this cycle ending and the next to start. My frustration is pretty quickly turning to Optimism!

Your kind words and insight have helped me more then I can explain!