first and formost, you are blessed to have such a caring husband and (sounds like a great) son. there's really no set path to deal with what you've been through. i dealt with the death of my godson (who was 7 months old) very harshly, i just went inwards. it wasn't healthy for me, and thank god for my dh who eventually snapped me out of it.
if it's all coming to the point where you, and others, notice you are depressed, there is no shame in going to see a professional. the father of my godson went to talk to somebody, and i believe he still is (2 years later, but now for other reasons.) the mother ended up not going, and she has yet to grieve over her loss.
you never really get over a loss of anyone, be it a parent, child, or friend. it sounds to me like you are still grieving, not to mention frustrated at the failure of ttc again. do yourself a favor and maybe go for a consultation with a phsyciatrist (not a counselor) who deals with death of children. unfortunately with phsyciatrists and counselors, it does take quite a bit of time for them to get to know you and understand truely what your going through. how long did you see your counselors?
i wish you nothing but the best of luck in the near future, and i hope you can cope with all that you've been dealt. i must say, you sound like a stronger person then i could ever be..