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Old 02-07-2002, 07:33 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Pittsburgh, PA USA
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Starlet HB User
desperately want children

Hi there, I am in the same situation you are. I desperately want children and my husband doesn't. It is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I cry a lot, I am down a lot, I think of moving on, and then I think why should I settle for (not) having something I want and I KNOW I will be wonderful at because he doesnt want it.. But then, why should he settle for something he doesnt want. It is a really hard SELFISH world out there. I love my husband, but am really having problems. He is scared. He says he wants kids SOMEDAY.. But in my heart, I know he doesn't. I know he is just telling me that.

I just think that you and I could really relate a lot. A

ll you other girls are great too.. You really help people out a lot.. and I would love some more ears to listen or some more fingers to type some advice to me, I will tell more of my story if you anyone is interested, I am a true believer in.. TALKING is very very REALEASING!

 
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Old 02-08-2002, 06:26 PM   #2
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Location: meridian, MS United states
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Purrbaby HB User
re: desperately want children

AWWW Starlet. It must be so hard to have this dream of having babies and not having your hubby support it. The thing that I know must be the hardest is wondering if he would be there to help(if you got preg.) even if he does stick around. I mean..what would he do if you got preg. anyway? I do applaud you for respecting his wishes and not trying to get preg. when he doesn't want it. But maybe moving on to someone who shares your dreams and goals is better. I don't like divorce but only YOU can make yourself happy..not a man and not babies. You have to have a strong foundation to have a baby b/c they are stressful and strain even the best marriages. How old are you and your hubby anyway??

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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
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Old 02-09-2002, 03:18 PM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2001
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re: desperately want children

My husband and I are very close in every other aspect. Husband 27 Me 24 years old. Umm.. I KNOW he would stick by me, cause I had a m/c and he was by my side the whole time before I had the m/c. But it is very hard., and I don't want to leave him EVER, but I do want kids.

I mean I am really struggling with this, but I do love my husband with ALL MY HEART and would Do ANYTHING for him. And I think he would do anything for me. Except that. That kinda hurts! But I am going with my gut and respecting his wishes for now. But someday he would have to respect mine or else we would have some decisions to make.

He says he wants them "someday" but I have a feeling that "day" will never come. I have friends who have kids and don't even take care of them. I mean it isnt fair. But, I know someday I have a lot of love to give to a small life, and someday I will. I PROMISE YOU THAT!

 
Old 02-09-2002, 08:52 PM   #4
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re: desperately want children

Aww Starlet you are only 24!! You have plenty of time to have a baby. I did the craziest thing. I wanted a baby VERY badly right after my hubby and I got married...2 months later I was preg. He wanted it and so did I. But to be honest I wish I had spent several years getting used to married life(if you ever do!!) and having fun as a couple. I think your hubby will be glad to have a baby but maybe he is scared. You know they say guys mature a little slower maybe it will take him a year or so to come around. I think it is great that you are respecting his desire and I think in 6 months to a year he should be willing to give in to your desire. I also have noticed this about many men they don't get all mushy and emotional over babies until AFTER they are born. Maybe he really just needs a little time to get ussed to the whole being a Daddy idea. But men are like mules don't push them or they will NEVER budge. Sounds like you have a great man and a great marriage enjoy it and stregthen it so when the time comes to have a baby ya'll will be prepared!!

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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 02-10-2002, 06:11 PM   #5
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Join Date: Nov 2001
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re: desperately want children

Yeah thank you! I know I am only 24 but we have also been married for 2 1/2 years. BUt I know what you are saying and I greatly appreciate you talking to me. It means a lot taht a complete stranger still cares.

I know he is scared and I do understand.. lol.. You are right they are like mules! I don't bug him about it, actually i never even mention it anymore. I haven't in about 3 months.

We have been enjoying the whole "marriage" deal, but to be quite honest, it gets boring. I mean.. we need something different. It is just the same old thing.

We have a great marriage, we don't fight (we get along quite well)The good thing is.. My husband is an awesome person. To tell you some more, My husband is a good person.. He has never said one mean or nasty word to me, and when I ask him why we never argue, he said "because I don't want to say anything to hurt you , or anything I will regret, because I love you". Isnt that sweet. I guess the point of that was to tell you a little how good he is to me. And that is why I am being patient! I think a good guy is VERY hard to come by. I have had my share in an abusive relationship myself. And I am gonna hang on to this one>!

But I guess I will hang in there. Thanks a lot.!

 
Old 02-10-2002, 08:07 PM   #6
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Purrbaby HB User
re: desperately want children

Aww he is soo sweet. I understand your desire to have a baby. I wanted my son soo badly that no one could stand between me and my goal. I kinda wish my hubby had!! LOL!! I'm almost 20..in March...I was married when I was 18. Yeah..I know that is young..trust me I've heard it all!! But I think you will make a great mom and maybe he'll see things your way soon!! At least I hope he does!!

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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 02-11-2002, 10:09 AM   #7
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Starlet HB User
I have an update

Well.. Last night my husband and I had a talk. And here he told me that he didn't want to start trying yet, cause he wanted to make it special. We have never gone on a honeymoon and it is planned for May. He told me he wanted to start trying then, (but he didn't want to tell me). He said he wanted to make it special! He is so sweet. I had no idea! Just an update. Looks like he was going to break after all!

 
Old 02-12-2002, 12:20 AM   #8
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re: I have an update

YEAH!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!! He gave in!! :blob: That is soooo sweet!! Just be careful; and don't do what I did with my first I had sex EVERYDAY trying for a baby. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif"> Unfortunately,(as I now know) You have to let his sperm rest so it will be strong enough to make it on it's long journey. I also didn't worry too much about timing or my temp. I just enjoyed being with my hubby. Don't make it the sole purpose to make love to such a great guy. So many women make this mistake and then stop once the baby is here. Don't get caught in that trap!! Keep me updated!! Also don't forget everytime a sperm gets to an egg it has a 25% chance of making you preg. Give it time and don't freak! You'll be preg. before you know it!! You must be soo excited!! Congrats!!


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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 02-12-2002, 06:33 PM   #9
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Starlet HB User
re: I have an update

YES I AM SO THRILLED! No I will enjoy it. I love sex anyway. But I know what you mean about it. I will do my best to make it fun and Romantic.. and perfect. thanks. Iwill keep you updated

 
Old 02-14-2002, 12:35 PM   #10
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Starlet HB User
I am impatient

I cant seem to wait. I am so excited and I am like. I want to start trying now. ACHHHHH! I hate being like this. I guess I am just anxious. But then on the other hand I am afraid he won't do it when the time comes. He has NEVER let me down before or said he was gonna do something and then not do it. But I am still scared.

 
Old 02-15-2002, 05:41 PM   #11
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: meridian, MS United states
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Purrbaby HB User
re: I am impatient

Ugg!! I HATE waiting for anything!! You must be out of your mind. Is he afraid you will become preg. before May?? Are you on birth control??

------------------
Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 02-17-2002, 09:08 AM   #12
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Starlet HB User
re: I am impatient

No I am not. I am allergic to the pills, and heard horrible things about the shot. So, No I am not. I dont know what his deal is. ha. But I know that when we do it with condoms, it REALLY REALLY hurts. For like and hour afterwards

 
Old 02-17-2002, 07:06 PM   #13
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Join Date: Nov 2001
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Purrbaby HB User
re: I am impatient

Ugg Starlet!! You poor thing. I found out when I was 4 1/2 months preg. that I was allergic to latex!! Sounds like though your hubby needs some lubricant or something. The reason I was asking about birth control is if you are on it you could go ahead and quit. Try telling your hubby that when you two get the sperm to the egg it has only a 25% chance of making a baby. Basically, it will take a while and you don't know why 2 months would make that much difference to him since the chances of you getting preg. are slim...but it could happen!!

------------------
Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 02-17-2002, 07:15 PM   #14
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Join Date: Nov 2001
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Starlet HB User
re: I am impatient

Yeah that is cool. I will try that and let you know.. lol, hey thanks for being a good friend! I will try that, and I wonder if I am allergic to latex. We tried a lot of lubricant. but I will try him out. lol. thanks

 
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