I have to rant and rave. I am so unbelievably frustrated with myself I can't stand it.
4 years ago I was a college runner and now I am overweight, miserable, and refusing to help myself. I KNOW all of the things I should be doing. I worked out with professional athletes back in school and I knew what my body needed and wanted.
NOW...I sit at a desk all day at a job I HATE and I try SO hard to get up and do my workouts in the morning...but the thought of even getting out of bed makes me tired. I have to drive 1.25 hours to work every morning, fight traffic, etc, etc. I try to get up to work out, but I usually just snooz. I also TRY to stay on my diet I made, but by the end of the day I am so frustrated that I usually just go out to dinner with friends after work and eat junk. I feel like if I could just do my "plan" I made for ONE day, I could stick with it.
Anyway, I am just really mad at myself and I wanted to get it off my chest. I feel like there's no hope because I can't even get started.
Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. Feel free to criticize...I deserve it.
Okay, first... sit back, take a deep breath and RELAX. You are being so hard on yourself sweetie! You can do it, I can tell from your post that you are at the breaking point... that is usually when it happens! We are all here for you!!!!!!! I know you can do this, but it takes one day at a time. Okay, so... today is out the window right? Go out to dinner with your friends tonight and have a great time. Know that when you wake up tomorrow, it will be a new day and you are going to start fresh! Secondly, look for a new job! You have got to find something that makes you happy!!! It is not healthy to be stuck with something you hate!!! If possible, seek something else. I know sometimes that is way easier said than done, I don't know your situation, so I am not "preaching"... I just hope you find some happiness Feel free to rant anytime doll!!
[This message has been edited by GoinCruisin (edited 06-05-2003).]
Swat...i think being critical of you is probably the last thing you need right now. I know the feeling of being trapped in a job and rut and the self loathing it causes. DON'T let your job control you. Driving almost and hour and a half to work is a bummer, but maybe you could make it work for you. There are some awesome tapes out there that you could listen to while you are on the road. Not talking about music now....tho music is good :-)...but some motivational stuff. It can really help.
And....you have come to a site where people are so very encourageing.
First off, try not to be so hard on yourself! You won't get any criticism from me. I've been in the same rut before. Strange thing is, I've found that no matter how badly I want to lose weight, I just have to wait until I'm in the right frame of mind. I can bust my butt trying to diet & exercise, but if I don't have the right mindset, I just won't stick to it. I don't really understand it, but something in my mind eventually changes - like a switch has been thrown - and I'm able to stick to a routine with ease. Maybe this is happening to you too? I know this sounds really weird, and I'm probably not explaining it well. But honestly, something in me just finally snaps into place & *BINGO* I'm on my way to thinner days.
Sounds like a lot of the problem is the fact that you hate your job so much...? Would it be possible for you to get another type of job? I know sometimes that just isn't an option, but it's something to think about.
As for getting up early, I'm right there with you. I get up at 5 AM as it is, so there's no way I can drag my butt outta bed another hour earlier to work out. I like to do my workout either as soon as I'm home from work (that gives me the rest of the evening to feel like I'm slacking off) or right before bed (makes me sleep better). Maybe you could get into one of those routines?
What kind of eating plan are you trying to do? If you want to try something easier, you could do the "eat half" thing. That way you can still have everything you want, just half of it. Or work your way up to that - start off by leaving just a little on your plate, then a little more, until you're leaving half.
Also, are you drinking lots of water? It really will help fill you up, and if you keep a bottle nearby it gives your hands something to do other than reaching into a candy dish.
I don't know if any of these suggestions will help, but I hope so. I really can sympathize with you. You can overcome this, you just have to find a plan you can stick to. Visit this board as often as possible for motivation & suggestions, it's a huge help. Good luck!!!
"If there are no [mastiffs] in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
I can definitely relate. I was a runner too, back in high school. But once I got to college I stopped running, started eating junk, and got fat. I've lost most of the weight but it's a daily struggle to lose those last 10 pounds and keep it off. And like you, I also have a desk job, although I don't hate mine. But I do hate the fact that it's such an unhealthy lifestyle. Sitting all day is bad enough, but to be surrounded by so many temptations makes it worse. There are snacks everywhere, coworkers love going out to lunch, and it's hard not to eat when you hear the guy in the next cubicle eating.
I'm sure you've heard all the reasons why working out in the morning is good for you. I agree with what GoinCruisin said. Your main problem is the job. As long as you hate going to work, you'll hate waking up. And if you hate waking up, then you'll hate getting up even earlier. Normally, I'd tell you to find another job, one that you can look forward to and one that's closer to home. But in this job market, that's asking for a lot. Try to find another outlet for your frustrations besides food. Before, if I was having a bad day, I'd eat. Now I workout instead. It's a great way of dealing with stress and the best part is, you don't feel guilty afterwards. Tell your friends that you don't like to go out to eat during the week. I made that clear to my friends, which has made it easier for me to stick to my diet and then on the weekend, I can reward myself. As far as getting through the workday, I think you need to find something to look forward to after work, but it can't be food. I find that if I have something to look forward to at the end of the day, it's easier to get through the workday. If I have nothing to look forward to, then all that's on my mind is work which makes it easier to fall into a bad mood and eventually run to food for comfort. These days the thing I look forward to is getting home and working out, if for no other reason than to make up for the slipups I made during the day in my diet.
Houdini made an excellent point. When you sit at a desk, you'll always want to reach for something. It's hard to break that habit which is why water is the best thing to have at your desk. I have to reach for something every few minutes. At least with water, I don't have to worry about having too much.
[This message has been edited by DonutsNCoffee (edited 06-05-2003).]
Don't be so hard on yourself. Take time and relax(forget about the job, the traffic, the commute etc..)
Find you some "ME TIME". Even if it is 10 minutes during your lunch hour or even at work.
Just close your eyes and think about evert thing that you have accomplished in life. Not what you used to be but how far you have come in life. Although you are not happy with your job....you are not jobless.
Be proud of who you are and set your goals and plans into perspective.