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Old 06-13-2003, 12:30 PM   #1
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DonutsNCoffee HB User
Post I think it's better to not get compliments

Receiving compliments is great, but sometimes it's the last thing you NEED. Today two people in my office commented on how much thinner I look. It made me feel good because I don't see the difference in the mirror. So what do I do? I use the compliments as an excuse to go eat more junk. Slimming down is getting so much harder. The smaller my clothes get and the lower my body fat gets and the more compliments I get, the less motivated I become. I'm really frustrated because I want to lose more fat, but I don't feel the pressure anymore. I've gotten way too comfortable.

Does anyone have any advice? All the mental and visual tricks I used in the past are no longer working. It's gotten to the point where the only way I'd want to get serious again about slimming down is if someone paid me. I'm have no health issues so I can't use that excuse. People tell me I look good, so I can't do it to change the way others see me. The worst part is I look in the mirror and am getting comfortable seeing the belly fat and love handles. Somebody has to pay me or threaten to get me going again. I still work out cause but the healthy eating is where I'm failing. I really need help.

 
Old 06-13-2003, 12:54 PM   #2
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libby HB User
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DNC...

I know what you mean. Those who knew us before we lost weight often see any change as a good change, and are satisfied with just that. I don't think they mean to discourage us, or to encouage us to loose more for that matter. They just compare and think what we have done is great.

If I remember right, one of your other postings mentioned your body fat #. AND IT WAS LOW!!!!! Do you really think you need to lose more, or just maintain? Are the belly and love handles you see fat? Or are they loose skin? Wondering.

You have done such a great job, and continue to. I just hope you don't beat yourself up for something that isn't what you might think.

Your thoughts?

 
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Old 06-13-2003, 01:47 PM   #3
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Let me give u a suggestion......

Write down long term goal for 3 months out....

Everyday create 5 goals that will help you achieve your long term goals.....Keep your daily goals on an index card and review them several times a day.

I do this everyday, helps me stay focused.....

try it it works...

 
Old 06-13-2003, 02:07 PM   #4
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libby,

I'm sure that it's fat and not loose skin. I've stared at it and touched it enough to know that it's fat. As for my body fat, I think it's higher than what my scale indicates. I think the real value of the scale is that it's consistent, so at the very least you can see which direction your body fat is headed. But I have a feeling my body fat is more like 16-17%. If I stand up straight and grab the skin on my stomach and squeeze, there's a full 3 inches of flesh between my fingers. If I stand to the side and look at my profile, I see a belly that sticks out far enough to start hanging over my belt. If I face forward again, the love handles also start to hang over my belt. If I look at my face, I see a slight double chin.

Even if my goal were to maintain, I'm doing a poor job of it because I'm slowly regressing back to old habits. I'm probably taking an additional 500 calories and most of it is sugar and fat. I want to get a handle on this before it gets out of control. I'm taking a trip in two weeks and would really like to get back to where I was 2 weeks ago.

 
Old 06-13-2003, 02:37 PM   #5
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Talking

I am looking forward to hearing compliments one day!!
I know exactly how you feel about not seeing it & becoming discourage. Hang in there- u can do it!!
Yesterday, I finally fit into these pants I haven't worn for a few years!! I look better, but nobody notices it.
Hey, you may want to check out this book that I finished reading- it's called "Fattitudes" & it addresses a lot of the "issues" we are goiing through. It's pretty cheap, probably about $6.
It has a little workbook type section to find out about yourself. Pretty interesting reading. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/cool.gif

 
Old 06-13-2003, 07:47 PM   #6
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Mishka....thanks for that title. I will look for it tomorrow!

DNC...you really sound discouraged. You have worked so hard and accomplished so much. DON'T GIVE UP! Regardless of what people say or don't say and regardless of how you feel about you at this moment, you know you are better off in your health and how you think about you than you did a year ago.

I want you to know how much I have enjoyed ready your comments in the different threads. You are very ballanced in your thinking, and you communicate well. Hang tough! DON'T GIVE UP!

 
Old 06-14-2003, 04:44 AM   #7
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Las70 HB User
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Hey Donuts! Oh how I know what you mean. That little voice in our heads tells us that we deverve a treat for all our hard work. Pretty soon 1 treat turns into 2 treats...etc. And the endless cycle begins again. It is tough. Soon you find you have gained 10 pounds and have no idea what happened? OH! I know! Wear a big sign that says "COMPLIMENTS ARE STRICLY PROHIBITED. VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED!" Ha HA

 
Old 06-14-2003, 08:59 AM   #8
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Scout- HB User
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Ok donuts first things first

what motivates you? what's your reason for getting to the final goal weight?

Vanity, Clothes, Personal Goal, Self Confidence??

Whatever it is you need to manipulate it, question it and where you are right now in comparison to it. The comfort zone is something alot of people experience on a diet path but gradually if you're serious about getting to final goal you will actually get sick of the body that stares at you in the mirror and start slowly rolling back down the path.

A good motivator is to buy clothes for the size you want to be and try them on every 2weeks. When you see you're not fitting into them that can ignite the spark again. you sound comfortable because you're listening to those around you instead of listening to the little diet demon in your head. Flattery is nice but if it's taken to heart you're shooting yourself in the foot, take those compliments, smile and then move on.

I think what happens to most of us is just getting sick of the routine of dieting and the harsh regime of controlled eating and the way it makes you feel alien from normality - I've just gone thru a 5week period of rebellion and thankfully i've gotten myself out of it simply from being bored of eating junk and looking in the mirror with a contradictory thought process of wishing to be thin again whilst not doing anything about it. I'm sure you have your own triggers sounds to me you don't like the fat around your stomach etc. Do something about it with affirmative action.

Alot depends on your personality. Are you the sensitive type or fiery or what? if you are fiery then going to a gym full of in shape women will trigger your competitive streak and fire you up again if you're sensitive think f the emotional benefits of not having sympathy eat etc when you're down....Basically review yourself and what's causing your rebellion you can modify it and move on.

Good Luck :-)

P.S: go read my thread LoL..need your help

Scout

 
Old 06-14-2003, 09:48 AM   #9
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DNC, I do understand your frustration... but let me say that when I initially lost all my weight, I got real comfortable... everyone thought I looked just about perfect, including me... I was happy, but got content and guess what? FATTER! Gained 15 lbs over a year and now I am struggling with that 15 lbs. Had I not gotten slack, I would not have been in this situation! Remember how hard it was to get here and know that you don't want to go through that again... that is the best motivation!!!

Also, don't be hard on yourself!!! You really might have loose skin (it feels and looks like fat, but it really is skin... I had a cosmetic surgeon tell me that what I thought was fat, was really skin... great) but 16-17% body fat is GREAT!!!! Considering that for a woman athlete, the body fat should be 14-20% and that 10-12% is ESSENTIAL fat... you cannot get much lower. I did alot of bodybuilding when I was younger and was married to a bodybuilder... My GOAL was 13-15% body fat.. so please do not be hard on yourself as your percentage is very low. Keep up the great work!

 
Old 06-14-2003, 10:59 AM   #10
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Scout, I'm way ahead of you. I already went out this morning and bought a new pair of jeans one size smaller. I'm wearing them now and they're too tight. But the feeling of discomfort is making me more careful about my eating. So far today, I haven't slipped once. But I think a big reason why is that I'm not at work where I'd be surrounded by junk food.

GoinCruisin, I'm a guy so the body fat percentage figures you gave don't apply to me. My goal is to at least get a flat stomach and ideally get a six-pack someday. For guys, the flat stomach doesn't happen until you get down to 10-12% and the six-pack won't be visible unless you're under 8%. If I can get to 10%, I'll be happy.

 
Old 06-14-2003, 11:02 AM   #11
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DNC, I am SO sorry! I really did not realize you were a man, my mistake! You are right about the body fat percentage for men, you guys do have to go pretty low to get a 6 pack, sucks. You are close though, you can get there!!!! Keep up the good work! Good luck!

 
Old 06-15-2003, 11:47 PM   #12
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If I were you I would use the compliments as a motivatin to loose more weight, because I would be s happy that I lost weight I would want to loose more!
__________________
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Old 06-17-2003, 07:11 AM   #13
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Donuts:

I'll agree that once you start getting compliments that its easy to slip back into old habits simply b/c you are feeling good about yourself and people are complimenting you, and yes, you begin feeling comfortable with yourself, the way you are.

I'm glad you bought a pair of jeans one size too small. I did the same thing yesterday, but it was only after reading your post before I went shopping! It made me think ....that I want to be that size so I did it.

I bought a pair of nice dress pants that were way too small; I could not button them and they were REAL TIGHT. But I LOVE them so it is motivation to keep me going. I've got a wedding to go to in Italy in September and these pants will be just right for this trip, so I've got to get into them!

By September if I don't fit into them...something will be terribly wrong...like I've fallen off the wagon and slipped way back into my old eating habits. I spent a little more $$ than I'd normally spend so more motivation. I went shopping out-of-town so this means I'd have to return them if I don't get into them; so that was a little added extra motivation.

I was in awe at your OLD typical meal at McD's! You have come such a LONG way. I'm sure those around you, especially those that need to lose weight, are wishing daily that they looked like you and are very jealous! But that's what happens when you lose weight and start looking GOOD...people notice and also tend to get very jealous. They also offer food and say, "come on, just one bite won't hurt".

I'm sure you won't slip into old habits. You've got new jeans and you are also going on VACATION; more the reason not to slide backwards.

Donuts, you've worked so hard to get where you are today. I dont' know how long it took you to get where you are, but think about what you looked like before you started losing?

I have an idea. You probably have already done this, but do it again. Compare your OLD JEAN size to your NEW JEAN size. Putting them on is the key! Try a pair of your OLD jeans on and hold them out in front of a mirror; then try your NEW ones. That should help keep you on the healthy eating side and trying to maintain! You certainly don't want to fit back into your OLD JEANS! Just remember what you felt like wearing those old jeans and, now, HOW you feel wearing your new ones!

Hope this helps with that mental image. FROM READING YOUR POSTS, YOU'VE COME SUCH A LONG WAY AND YOU HAVE DONE EXTREMELY WELL http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif

 
Old 06-17-2003, 07:27 AM   #14
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Whirl,

Thanks for the encouragement. I think I'm finally back on track. Yesterday I managed to get through an entire workday without cheating once and today I checked my weight and body fat. The body fat is the lowest I've ever had.

One thing I decided to with regards to clothes is get rid of the old ones. As long as they're available, I have a safety net in case I gain weight again. I think having that safety net is holding me back. If I only have one size of jeans and don't have a backup pair for when I gain weight, then I'll be more motivated to keep the weight off. Cause if I gain the weight, I'll have to run to the store to buy new clothes. And then I'll be upset over that so instead of going to the store, I'll just be more anxious to exercise and eat right.

As far as people around me being jealous, I don't think that's the case. Maybe some of them are trying
to lose weight, maybe they're not. I've never asked. Fortunately, none of the people I see are trying to make me eat more. They don't even know I'm trying to lose weight.

These days I just walk around my apartment naked. It sounds silly, but it really works because I'm constantly seeing my problem areas. Wearing clothes just makes me forget about them and more likely to slip up.

 
Old 06-17-2003, 07:45 AM   #15
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Compliments can be a double-edged sword.

A compliment concerning weight-loss is meant to provide support as in "Wow you look great, how much weight have you lost...tell me your secret."

The person who is giving the compliment is sincere. The person getting the compliment has two options receive in in the spirit it is given or try to read something into it that just is not there.

Many of us that have lost weight and changed are appearance yet we still may be over sensitive to the opinions and comments of others. We are defensive because we have had to be in the past.

My personal experience in loosing nearly 200 pounds has given me a unique perspective. After I lost the weight I became angry because virtually everyone I came across on a day-to-day basis was treating me differently...they were treating better!

Because of the dramatic changes most people did not recognize me. I remember a specific incident at the grocery store I had shopped at for 10 years. I was going through the check-out and the guy looked at me ans smiled started a light conversation about my selection of food and offered a coupon deal that I had not known about. Now, I saw this same man once or twice a week for years as 400+ plus guy and now at 215 pounds I received custumer service? I went to my car and got so angry.

Compliments must be accepted and received in the spirit which they are given. Positive reinforcement is always nice to get but, any changes in your life must be motivated by you from within your own thoughts and feelings.

"It is within each of us, this living spirit that is the source of all of our strength." Connect with that unlimited source within and realize your every dream as experience.

 
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