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Old 11-17-2005, 03:38 PM   #1
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mrjoe76 HB User
Gaining Wife

Hello All,

My name is Joe and I'm a 29 year old male in the USA. I married my wonderful wife Becky 3 years ago. Becky, 27, was never a "petite girl," and was 5'7 and 175 pounds when we met over 5 years ago. By the time we got married she was up to 205. After the wedding she ballooned and is currently up to 285 pounds.

While she does complain every now and then, for the most part she's extremely confident and seems very happy. She enjoys destroying me at Scrabble on a regular basis! So... I guess while I'm glad she's happy, I'm wondering if there's anything I can do? I have been supportive in the past when shes tried a few diets but has always "fallen off the horse" and gained it back plus more. I really love Becky, and I guess ultimately it's up to her if she really wants it?

Any suggestions?? I definitely don't want to push her too hard. So far the best I've done is buying her "light ice cream" instead of the regular
thanks for any advice ~J

 
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Old 11-17-2005, 04:01 PM   #2
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lucky7 HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Has she gained all this weight in a short amount of time? Has she seen a dr and had blood work done to see if she may have an underactive thyroid or other medical condition?
I am 5'7" and I weight 170lbs right now. About 5.5 yrs ago I was weighing 127lbs. My thyroid freaked out on me after having our second child. I know weight is a sensitive subject for many of us. I know I need to lose weight and I am doing everything possible to do it right now. But if my husband asked me about me weight it would offend me even though I knew he was right. I personally am not happy with my weight.
Have you tried suggesting to her that you two could work out together? Can you make small changes in your diets so that you can gradually get used to eating healthier foods?
I do 20 min of weight training 3x a week and 18-30 minutes of cardio (Walk Away the Pounds video) everyday. I feel great and I am hoping to increase my time as soon and my body gets used to this workout. I haven't lost any weight but I can feel my muscles getting tighter. My clothes are a little loose in certain areas. It is a slow process if you want to do it right and be able to keep it off.
Right now my husband and I have a little contest going. Whoever can lose the most weight and inches altogether will get to go on a shopping spree. I definately do not want to lose.

 
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Old 11-17-2005, 04:26 PM   #3
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Hi, MrJoe

I don't know if this would work for you guys, but I can tell you what my hubby & I did. No one's offended, that I know of at least.

First, let me say hubby & I married in '98 and have since put on a lot of weight, both of us. We just got lazy, bought easy fattening foods, lots of takeout and watched TV all the time, never exercised except to get up and get the remote control. I had some routine blood work done that scared me enough to realize I needed to get on track with my health. It sounds like at least one of you is ready to do something. IMO, that's enough.

I started buying all the food, only healthy foods. No more deli fried chicken, ice cream, chips, beer, frozen pizzas. It's time consuming and hard because we both work, but it's worth it, right? I bought some new healthy cookbooks, go to the market all the time, bought a food scale, the whole nine yards. I sorta took the bull by the horns. You may need to do this. Get all the junk out of your house and cook healthy light meals yourself for both of you. You may find you're eating a little later than usual, but that's okay. You also may find you're spending a lot of "off time" preparing and freezing meals for hectic times. It's work...it really is, but to learn about proper nutrition and how to really make wonderful, healthy meals is an enlightening experience.

Next for exercise. I just set the alarm an hour earlier in the mornings, it goes off, I say, "C'mon, honey, we're walking." It's a bit colder now, so walking might not work the best for you two, but you may need to just take charge. Tell her you want to get healthy, and she's coming, too. This is absolutely a team effort. It takes a lot to get up off the couch and get moving...namely somebody pulling your arm and getting you up, lol.

I mean, it depends on your relationship, I suppose. I'm an outspoken Italian; he's a shy, quiet artist. This is what worked for us. Hubby has lost all of his weight he put on, feels great, is getting to know his way more around the kitchen with our "new way of eating" and actually looks forward to exercise sessions. He told his mother on the phone the other night how cooking and enjoying a glass of wine has become "our" hobby and he's now interested in taking a cooking course offered by one of our local upscale restaurants. Try not to look at this as a diet she must go on, because you're probably gonna be on it, too. Look at it as a learning experience you both will share for many years to come. It's a very romantic one, too...the two of you in the kitchen preparing your dinner, a little music in the background, a nice glass of wine, set a nice table (because it really feels weird eating such nice, homeade dinners anywhere other than a nicely made table), a candle...you get the idea

Lysne

 
Old 11-17-2005, 06:42 PM   #4
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beachgirl01 HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Hi there,
There are things that you can do. I mean first and foremost is her health. 275 pounds is quite a bit over weight. That can cause some serious health problems. The question to is why all the weight so quickly? You should sit down with her and tell her you are concerned about her health. You guys could set up a schedule to workout together 4-5 times a week. A good way to do that so that you are sure to stick with it, is to sit down on a Sunday night and make your schedule for the week. Pick which days you are going to workout together. Another good idea is to have a menu for the week. Know what your meals are going to be. Do all your shopping for the week on the weekend. This way you should avoid any binge eating. If you know what you're having for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you tend to just go into the kitchen, check the menu and make it with out thinking. You can even pick some healthy snacks to have between meals. Everything is in moderation. It's tough to get in to but it's so worth it and once you start and stick with the schedule and menu, you'll wonder how you managed without it. Anyhow. Take care, good luck. Let us know how things work out. Kristy

 
Old 11-22-2005, 12:01 PM   #5
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mrjoe76 HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Hey all,
thanks for your replies. I've tried to get her into the gym with me and it really hasn't worked. She wears her workout stretch pants but never works out, rather watches tv and sends me to the store for deli fried chicken, frozen pizzas etc... like stenolady said!
In the future I will start buying healthier foods and if she says anything I'll put it on me and tell her I'm just trying to eat healthier. I guess at this point thats all I can do! I hope she doesn't react badly.
Going on walks she has done in the past, but yes its getting cold right now with winter approaching so that's kinda out too.
I love my wife but I really feel like I had no idea what was coming. When she began gaining weight a long time ago I didnt know it was going to get to this. We went clothes shopping for her and she got a wardrobe of stretch pants, maybe that should have been warning sign for me. I dont know, but she just has gotten bigger and bigger.
Her little sister is 23 and is a recent college graduate and shes started gaining quite a bit I can tell. Her mother is a very big (probably over 300) so maybe she just has big genes.

 
Old 11-23-2005, 09:12 AM   #6
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ImTheLucky1 HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrjoe76
My name is Joe and I'm a 29 year old male in the USA. I married my wonderful wife Becky 3 years ago. Becky, 27, was never a "petite girl," and was 5'7 and 175 pounds when we met over 5 years ago. By the time we got married she was up to 205. After the wedding she ballooned and is currently up to 285 pounds.

So your wife has gained an average of 37 #'s a yr. since you've met?
That's quite a bit in a small amount of time. You really should consider her health. If I were in the same situation with my husband I would definatley say something. I know it would be hard but when you're looking at heart health, diabetes, thyroid- this is a major concern. Additionally, there is the chance that if Becky knew that the weight gain wasn't her "fault" and it's a health issue, she might be more motivated to do something about it.

 
Old 11-23-2005, 03:18 PM   #7
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mrjoe76 HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Hi there Lucky,
Ummm I reviewed your calculations and I did find some errors! 110/5.5 = 20 lbs per year. lol. regardless, your correct in that it is alot of weight.
she carries it very well, but it is alot of weight. With the holidays coming I can only hope she doesnt gain more...
Maybe I can make up a new year's resolution for us to be healthier!

 
Old 11-23-2005, 06:14 PM   #8
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KittyLove HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Mr. Joe,

It's obvious Becky's weight gain is a source of discomfort for you, otherwise you wouldn't be looking for advice on how to help her trim down. I applaud your concern and support, but if she doesn't feel that she has a problem...then you do. I've seen this scenerio before: people gaining weight after getting married or drinking more after they get married, etc...it's as if the "problem" was kept at bay, and then once married, the person felt safe, free to be themselves... in their "comfort zone". I have noticed this a lot with an overweight wife and a heavy-drinking husband...just my observation.

I foresee problems ahead if she doesn't or can't lose weight...you'll find yourself watching what she's eating, making suggestions probably to her annoyance, feeling disappointed, and ultimately building a wedge between you.

All I can suggest is to set an example by eating healthier yourself and trying not to make negative comments because IT WILL cause resentment...most people aren't motivated by constant prodding by others to lose weight, the motivation and determination comes from within and ONLY when that person is ready. Overeating is similiar to alcoholism...the first step is realizing you have a problem...until then, everyone around you will be effected. Just beware of becoming a co-dependent...someone who picks up the slack for someone else's "problem", someone who becomes obsessed with monitoring and then ultimately "trying" to control someone else's behavior, someone who's moods and happiness depends on the other person's daily "success" or "failure". I say this because I've been there, only difference is he was an alcoholic...his progress and downfalls ruled my life. I spent eight years COMPLETELY focused on him. Looking back, I regret trying to help him because he never really wanted to help himself or couldn't (it gets confusing...feeling sorry for them and their upbringing takes you over)...there is only so much you can give of yourself without LOSING yourself!! In hindsight though, I've discovered I had my own unresolved issues in staying in that relationship...and I've learned a great deal about myself from it.

I'm sorry if I seem so serious and glum about your dilemma, but I find this subject to be much more involved than you hopeing and wishing your wife could lose weight...in the long run you will find that this issue is much, much, deeper than that. There are reasons why she turns to food for comfort, and there are reasons why you're with her. Co-dependent personalities are subconsciously drawn to people with addictive problems.

I also wanted to suggest getting tested for allergies. I dealt with weight problems for years, and then I found out I was allergic to yeast. It turns out what you're allergic to, you crave. I was downing bread, pizza, and wine (all yeast filled!) and this causes weight gain. Since cutting back on those products, I've lost 20 pounds, and have kept it off almost effortlessly because I've adjusted and changed my eating habits. It could be Becky's allergic to some food she's eating and causing weight gain, but again, she has to WANT to find out the cause of her problem.

Last edited by KittyLove; 11-23-2005 at 07:20 PM.

 
Old 11-24-2005, 09:13 PM   #9
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ImTheLucky1 HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Sorry Mrjoe! I missed when you said you met. I was going by how may years since you married. Still, I hope things work out for the best and good luck!

 
Old 11-27-2005, 12:27 PM   #10
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SusanGene HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

joe, this is similar to drug addiction: the person has to WANT the change for herself/himself or it just won't work. I am trying to lose some weight now.
My husband is almost an impossibility because , unlike myself, he does not like veggies, fruits, low fat foods. Therefore, he won't eat low fat foods. So we have separate meals, often. He will eat his cheese and cokes and I'll have my cabbage and salads. I am joining a health spa, he would never do that.
I like to lift weights; he won't. Therefore, he has diabetes and the beginnings of a cataract and my vision has improved, my knees don't ache anymore (I believe from taking 3 coral calciums each morning for 2 weeks) , etc. All of this makes me sad, not happy.
We have old friends in another state. They've been married for 42 years.
He has been nagging, insulting, begging, lecturing and even humiliating his wife for most of those years to lose weight. I just found out that she had to have knee replacement surgery then broke her leg a couple years later. I remember she told me, "when he nags me about what I eat I just want to eat more." So now she's just as overweight and he had prostate cancer.
**There are things in life we can change and things we cannot. WE have to learn the difference, joe.**
Good Luck to Both of You .
__________________
Susan Gene

 
Old 11-27-2005, 12:39 PM   #11
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justanothagirl HB User
Re: Gaining Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyLove
All I can suggest is to set an example by eating healthier yourself and trying not to make negative comments because IT WILL cause resentment...most people aren't motivated by constant prodding by others to lose weight, the motivation and determination comes from within and ONLY when that person is ready.
Such a good idea. Maybe you can turn it around and make it about you? Start eating like super healthy, lifting weights, etc. just like your average bodybuilder. Cos what I notice, is when I start getting really motivated to getting to the gym and I eat lots of healthy foods my friends around me who have little weight problems suddenly start looking at themselves and after hearing me speak about myself they're like yeah I'm gonna do the same thing.. then they start like running everyday and limiting their calories. So this might be how people work... you know what I mean? Just a suggestion though, I mean, what have ya got to lose, right?

 
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