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Old 08-31-2006, 03:32 PM   #1
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chevyman HB User
sometimes I wonder?

Hi Everyone!!!\I was not going to post this, it probably don't belong in here? but I feel all you guys are my friends.
sometimes I wonder if being over weight makes a person more happy?
I couldn't wait to get my weight off but its just seem to cause me and my g/f to fight about it? she was proud of me for loseing and help me along the way at first gave me a big party the whole nine yards. ect,,,ect,,
but I think she is having a probelm with it now?? I fit into my favorite nice super slim wrangler jeans and the ''girls'' seem to like it or I am getting looks from other women(which I love) when before I wouldn't....not bragging or anything like that..but my g/f third degrees me if another woman even talks to me now? wonder whats up with her??
jealous I guess? but I never gave her a reason to be jealous?
but I'm still staying at a decent weight come hell or high water..never agian I want to be like I was before even if I have to end this realtionship?

 
Old 08-31-2006, 04:01 PM   #2
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Re: sometimes I wonder?

Remember, weight loss in many cases not only improves the way you present yourself physically but also has the tendacy to improve self confidence (which women like by the way) but also improves your overall quality of life and general health. You need to reiterate your commitement to your girlfriend and in a very civil manner, explain how the weight loss can help the relationship as well as explain how the original weight might have been detrimental to your relationship and long term health.

I think that this will be a testement of your relationship. Sometimes, it's changes like these that bring out the best, or the worst in people and we can truly discover true compatibility. I don't think anyone here should advise you on how your should handle your relationship but I do believe that if you knew you were overweight and weight loss occured, then I think you did the right thing irrespective of the indirect consequences.

Last edited by Dave440; 08-31-2006 at 04:04 PM.

 
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Old 09-01-2006, 07:19 AM   #3
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Re: sometimes I wonder?

I think you've got something there, chevy. The psychological aspect of weight and weight loss is much overlooked, IMHO.

In my case, I was heavy growing up. Living in the predominantly WASP suburbs of New York City, I definitely did not measure up to the ideal in terms of weight. I would often pine that if only I lost some weight, I would be more attractive to boys, and it would be easier to find a boyfriend, and life would be so much better. I didn't really yo-yo diet, but several times I succeeded in taking off a considerable amount of weight . . . for a while. Still, I stayed about the same weight from my teens up until my early 30s.

At that time, I moved into New York City where I was living and working in a much more culturally diverse environment. Suddenly, I was getting lots of attention from men who did not view my degree of chubbiness as a negative thing. Guess what happened now that I actually did find myself more attractive to some very nice men? Within the first couple of years in NYC, despite the fact that I was walking much more, I put on 40 more pounds! Interesting.

But, I digress. My first job was working for a counselling group who did mostly marriage counselling. There were a couple of cases of tensions/jealousies starting up after a spouse lost weight. One case was really interesting. It was the woman who was overweight. Her husband would even berate her at times to do something about it. They had been married about 10 years and, finally, the woman lost over 100 pounds. She went from Mama Cass to Paris Hilton. I mean she was hot! The husband went absolutely nuts!

Hopefully, your situation will not get to that kind of extreme. I can't improve on Dave's recommendations. Your girlfriend has been supportive through a major change. It's an adjustment for everyone. Reassure her, and see how it goes.

 
Old 09-01-2006, 09:02 AM   #4
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Re: sometimes I wonder?

Chevyman - I think the problem is your GF's attitude, not your weight. I don't know her, but it sounds like she's insecure about her own appearance. I think she needs to do some hard thinking about why she gets jealous.

My brother and I BOTH found that we were a lot happier being heavier. I have two ideas about that:

First, I think being nervous or angry burns a lot of energy, so when you're happy you burn less. It's not the weight that makes you happy, it's being happy that makes you gain weight. Of course I'm talking about just gaining a little weight, not becoming morbidly obese.

Second, my weight gain is mostly due to antidepressants, and naturally I'm a lot happer taking those.

I'd like to be thin AND happy, but if I had to choose I'd rather be fat & happy than thin & depressed.
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Old 09-02-2006, 05:03 AM   #5
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Re: sometimes I wonder?

Yeah I understand what you guys are saying. (Thanks)
With my g/f I don't know?
she got really really ****** yesterday at me because a ''female friend of mine gave me a hug at the mall and she was(my g/f meeting me for lunch
(salads) a very special thing with her.
well my friend gave me a congrautlation hug for all my hard work (weight loss) she said I looked real good, that was bout the time she (my g/f) seen my friend hug me...got mad left....I slept on the couch tonight and never really went to sleep it's 6:00am right now.
I think she thinks I lost my weight for me to see how many girls I can get...ect,,,ect,,
maybe she is insucure? but right now all I'm thinking bout is foood.
I hope I can have a change of mind...I hope my g/f has a change of mind or heart?
I never once gave this kind of thing a thought! that this would happen as to my weight loss?
we been togather almost 10 years.
sorry just had to vent.

 
Old 09-02-2006, 06:26 AM   #6
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Re: sometimes I wonder?

Change is scary.

Last edited by Frozen; 09-03-2006 at 05:32 PM.

 
Old 09-02-2006, 07:35 AM   #7
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Re: sometimes I wonder?

Often a significant other relates to a person on one basis...change the basis and it can cause attitude changes, sometimes positive sometimes negative.

Tell your girl friend about it and ask her if she is really happpier with you overweight?
If she says yes, then ask if she can adjust because you like where you're at.
Just tell her that you notice she is reacting to you differently and to think about it and let you know why she thinks that is.

Then the ball is in HER court.

If she says she cannot adjust to your weight loss...then the relationship might have insurmountable problems.

 
Old 09-02-2006, 07:16 PM   #8
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Re: sometimes I wonder?

Thanks guys,
I'll get over it I'm sure...just sux when you have no trust anymore.
I'm sticking to my healthy eating dieting or whatever...I choose that, I don't want to be fat anymore...period.

 
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