jessilynn68

Hi Stephie -

I am quoting this so I can see everything you posted as I reply.

I think everyone has a "friend" like this at one point in our lives, and it doesn't get any less hurtful as you get older.

First- she has told people things you don't want her to. This tells you right away she can't be trusted. There is no rule that says you can't be friendly with someone without revealing your innermost secrets. You can be civil, etc., and not get too deep, which brings me to my next point.

It seems as if you know a lot about her, and that's ok, if you are comfortable with that. It seems as though you aren't, though. The next time she tells you something you are sure you won't want to hear, simply say, "I am uncomfortable knowing that." Then change the subject. If she persists, tell her you feel uncomfortable knowing certain things about her, and ask her to refrain from the free-for-all of her life. If she still persists, simply walk away from it. Its hard, I know, but you need to put yourself first here. If she persists that much, clearly she isn't concerned about your feelings as much as you are about hers.

I would forget about any polite thank yous from her for the party you threw her. She doesn't sound as if she is the type for that. You can't change anyone else, you can only change how you react to them, and what you do for them. I certainly hope this was the last party you throw in her honor, at least until she grows up some and will appreciate it.

That said, I am suggesting taking a non-confrontational approach as she is family. If this were a regular friend from school or work or whatever, I would advise going with a more direct approach.

Also, you will start to realize as you get older that doing something for someone is jsut a nice thing to do, and if you do it because of what you get in return, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. She isn't likely to throw you any parties lately, or loan you clothes, or lend you money, etc. She doesn't sound like that kind of person.

It will take some time before you are totally comfortable with doing this, but it will come. And remember - if you act confident, soon you will feel confident. It becomes the norm.

A couple of last things - if you feel comfortable, just tell her how you feel. Don't accuse - just say "I felt hurt when I took the time to plan such a nice party for you and you didn't thank me." Stuff like that - "It makes me uncomfortable to hear about your bf, your grades, whatever." She may have no idea.

You posted that she told people you had sex with your bf when you "didn't want to." I am thinking this might be a typo, and you didn't mean that you had sex with bf and didn't really want to. Did you mean instead that she told people about it and you didn't really want her to? Ihope its the latter, and that you haven't ever had sex with anyone when you didn't want to.

Good luck.