After baby insecurities..all opinions welcome. - Women's Health Message Board

chvy76 · 03-14-2006, 02:34 PM

After having a baby five weeks ago, I still feel very fat and unattractive. I am 5'7" and weigh 157. I weighed 140 before getting pregnant and my goal is to weigh 130. The issue is that when I am feeling down about my appearance I project it onto my husband. I get angry watching t.v. and seeing the beautiful perfect women. They all have perfect bodies, hair, and complexions. I feel so sad and disgusted that my body is "ruined". I feel guilty for feeling that way because I have a beautiful daughter due to being pregnant. I just wish that I could get over this. I give my husband a very hard time whenever I am feeling really down about it. I ask him if he wants me to look like other women, wishes my hair color was different...so on and so forth. I know that he loves me. He tells me I am beautiful all the time too. I don't know what to do. I have began to diet and try to exercise when I can. Right now, I am breast feeding too which makes me feel a little less than sexy. I hate him seeing me naked. I don't think he has ever seen my bottom in the two years we have been together. Anyone have any suggestions?? I'm ready to listen if you're willing to share your ideas. Thank you.

besafe20 · 03-14-2006, 03:07 PM

Hun you just had a baby 5 weeks ago. You have to give it time. Everyone feels somewhat "ruined" after giving birth. I think that someone women even have a hard time losing the weight until they stop nursing! I however was the opposite and gained 5 lb when I quit nursing! But seriously those women on TV are not real. They are covered with makeup and have professional sytlists not to mention dieticians and nutritionists! Those celebs have to work really really hard and eat very strict diets to look like that. We would all look like that if we had the money and the will to go through all that routine to look good!

Belle2003 · 03-14-2006, 03:57 PM

How you are feeling is normal. Sometimes it is a little post partum depression. Thank heavens you have a loving husband who sees your beauty even when you do not. After three weeks of having my second child, my husband asked me if my butt was ever going back to normal!

It just takes time for your body to get back to normal. If you want to speed things up you can go for walks daily with your baby in a stroller. If the weather doesn't permit, hit the mall right when it opens and power walk with the stroller in the mall. I see all sorts of people doing this in the mall early in the morning when it is not crowded.

Or you can do my favorite, while you watch TV lay on the floor and do leg lifts. You can get some low weight dumb bells and do arm lifts too.

Just don't diet because you are breast feeding and you need energy to get you through the day. Being a new mother is not easy.

Listen to Besafe20, those girls on TV are mostly fake, with the implants, make up artists, hair stylists, and fashion consultants. When they catch stars just going to the grocery store, they always look bad. So don't be hard on yourself.

Enjoy your new baby, your terrific loving husband and in the months to come the weight will be almost gone!

sunnydaze1 · 03-14-2006, 04:02 PM

What you're feeling is so very normal like the above poster said. I felt very much the same way when I had my first baby. Nothing fit right and forget about wearing my regular tops...way too tight because I was nursing too. Why not go out and buy some new comfortable tops in the meantime?

Also, I always made sure I showered, did my hair and put on makeup everyday...not for anyone else but me because it made me feel like the way I used to feel before the baby.

Try to get out a bit each day...even if it's just for a brief walk. You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel afterwards.

Please don't beat yourself up like that, though. You are a remarkable woman just for giving birth! Your muscles will tighten up in time because for one thing...you will be on the go once baby gets crawling. You might even join a ladies exercise group (of course, when the doctor gives the okay) where you can socialize a bit and still get a workout.

Congrats on your beautiful baby, you have so much to look forward to!

vongo · 03-17-2006, 08:01 AM

Hi, I have been married for 18yrs. I have a 14 yr old girl and 3 boys age 3,5 and 7. When we married I weighed 118lbs I am also 5'7''. After baby # 4 I weighed 170 lbs. Joined gym got a trainer got down to 130 lbs 95% muscle. I had a flat stomach, biceps, triceps and calves to die for. My husband and I hated each other. I looked better than I have ever looked before but my marriage was crap. My husband wont even look at pictures of me from back then. Then 2 yrs ago we found a mass on my ovary and had to have a hysterectomy. For 2 weeks we thought it was cancer. I was terrified, the thought of leaving my husband and my children was unbearable. The whole experience was so sad and so scary. But I am fine except after my hysterectomy I started gaining weight fast (2lbs a week) doctors couldnt stop it kept changing my hormones. So I blew up to 210lbs. I am bigger than I have ever been but happier than I have ever been. God opened my eyes quickly about what is important and what is not. My babies still have their mom and my husband still has he high school sweetheart

However, I wish I was thinner so I would have more energy to play with my children. I am slowly losing my weight and it is a battle. You just had a baby it took 9 months to look like you do so give yourself 9 months to get back to the old you. Try not to dwell on your weight, you just gave your husband the most precious gift in the world. Let this be the most happiest time in your lives. Each day you cause upset because of how you look is a day lost. Life is to precious and to short. It is not how you look but how you act that will make your husband happy. Hang in there.