So I live in a town, that has 39,994 people in it, roughly, and all my friends, and girls I know of the ages, 18-20 are popping out babies left and right. None of them are married, and none have had long commited relationships, But eventually do try working it out with the dad., and most if not all dont live in their own house, or end up living in a average $60,000 dollar home after the baby is born.
My thing is, I have been with my boyfriend since I was fifteen besides a 9 month break up in our 5th year of dating, I am now almost 21, and I feel like maternal instincts are kicking in to try and conceive. Being around my friends and their kids, and hearing about girls having babies bugs me, I feel like I am running out of time almost.
I recently just changed my college major to pre-veterinary. While veterinary school takes a whole lot to just get into, that will put me into four years of veterinary school, and I havent even finished ten courses for the under graduate course work.
I really want to accomplish something in my life that I am passionate about, I love animals, and I love finding ways to keep them healthy, and find cures, and solve health issues so that an animal can continue to live a happy and long life.
Although my want to have a baby is very strong now, I hear that having a child willl put a woman out of the "working" or "schooling" mode, without a sitter, which can be expensive.
Can someone please give me some advice, and what I can do about my feelings?
I want my life to be that family is more important, than money, but I don't want to struggle for money either with my future family.
My boyfriend is not enrolled in college, but is working, only getting paid like 9.50 an hour though, and I dont work at all, because I am in school.
I just feel like being almost 30 years old is too old to have a baby, will someone please help me out?? I think my emotions are a spiraling mess.
In my experience, the maternal instinct comes and goes with most women, and being around a lot of other people who are having babies definitely stimulates it. When one of my best friends got pregnant at 19 two years ago, I remember telling her mother at the hospital during the birth, "I'm going to start trying just as soon as my wedding is over!". I was 20. Now I am 22 and have been married a year, and when I look back at that, I think "Oh my God, was I freaking crazy?". I am so FAR from being ready to have a kid.
But when that urge does creep in, I just have to ride it out. We all do. To help assauge the mommy desire, I borrow one of my friend's babies for a day, or my godson/nephew. And trust me, nothing makes the reality of having a child set in more than actually being around one.
Just because you FEEL ready doesn't mean you ARE ready. If you're anything like me, your emotions can work overtime and pull more weight than your logic. But that doesn't mean you have to make decisions based on them. My therapist always says this:
Live by your choices, and your emotions will get in line. But live by your emotions and you'll never get to make choices.
Definately go to school and get all that over with before considering a child. Like you said you don't work, so would the father be willing to pay for everything? I don't think so. Get your education first!! Do you want to be going to school when your 40? Nope! (Not that there's anything wrong with going to school at the age of 40) But if you can get it over with now then do it. THEN think about having a baby. Let those other girls do their things with their babies and you do yours. Don't you want to own a house before you have a baby? You don't want to have the baby living with you and both of parents do you? Think about it first! You'll be glad you did.
Sorry if this seemed a little harsh, but you should know the truth. Good luck girl!!
So you are almost 21 and you are starting a new school program for four years. You'll be 25 when your done. Far from old my dear! Four years from now you will have a degree, a way to support yourself and your future children. Do you know what your friends will have? Bags under their eyes from their lack of sleep. Toddlers that throw tantrums when they don't get their way. Stained clothing from spitup and other food. Most of all, your friends are going to be incredibly envious of the freedom you have because you waited to have your children.
I'm not trying to sound at all mean here. All I'm saying is if you let the opportunity of furthering your education slip by you you will regret it one day. When you have children it is harder to get back into school and work because of the whole cost of child care. Let me tell you it is VERY expensive. That is why I'm home now. My working just didn't make sense. I was basicly working to have someone else raise my child.
When the urge kicks in to have a baby I suggest taking one of your friend's children for the day or overnight. I know it's not the same as having your own, but you will fulfill that need you have to nurture and such. Plus, when the crying and whining kick in you will get to give the child back. Not an option you have with your own children. The other suggestion I have is since you love animals why not get a pet? I have so many friends who did this for the same reason. They had the motherly instinct but knew they had other goals to accomplish first.
BTW, I am almost 30 and I don't consider myself old at all. When I was 21 I thought 30 was a death sentence. The older you get you will realize you life is really only starting. What a world of difference between 21 and 30. I wouldn't go back for anything.
Oh sweetie, you have PLENTY of time for babies! I got married and pregnant at 19.....Now, at age 39, I'm heading back to school to be a nurse and I wish I had gotten my degree while younger! Having kids is wonderful ( I have 5 myself) but, it is a JOB!!!!!! You must be ready for it, because once you have one, it's for life and it's a constant, never ending job! Take your time and wait until you are absolutely ready. You have a LONG time to have children!
Hi and thanks for all the replies! It really helps a lot . . . a few months back me and my boyfriend, tried to have kids for three months, and it didn't work, so I guess it wasn't meant to be right now either, after "trying" and giving up, I didnt even feel like I wanted kids for another few months, until more of my girlfriends got pregnant, they brag how great it is to be a mother, and how it is so fun . . . no offense to apt. dwellers, but none of them have really nice lives and get support from the state. and live in subdivised apts, and I can see that in the future to provide for their child, with the latest fashion in clothes, and all the other wants, that they will probably struggle, but they always have their parents, it seems, that help buy everything, for the 'oh so cute baby'.
I know I would get that same support, that they would help buy stuff, but I know they arent going to buy me a house.
Another view on having kids is that I thought having a child would make me settle down, I cant go out and party anymore, or go mingle with people, I get in too much trouble, and the party life brought me down a lot (took me into depression, me and my bf split because of my bad habits, I didnt go to school), and now I am trying to get my life back on track, which is working good, since I got back with my boyfriend now.
I spend most of my days either at school or at home on the computer, or with my three dogs that I have.
Again, thanks for the replies, sometimes my urge for children stops when I get a chance to sleep in and I hear my dogs whining to go outside, and I have to get up and go take care of them, sometimes I think about, what if this was a baby, I wouldnt be able to go back to sleep, but maybe becuase it is a baby, that I would want to be up with it when it cries??