I suspect I may be having a brain hemorrhage right now(seriously, I'm not joking) but am presently trying to look at all the possibilities before I seek medical attention.

My delimma is that I'm in the military and have been "self-medicating" in an attempt to treat my alcoholism and "self-medication" is not allowed. The begining of my "solo" efforts to treat my disease came as a result of repeated failures of my recovery in spite of all efforts made with the resources in the "proper channels". (The Military has "their way" of prescribed treatment and anything else is not allowed)

Some time ago I had considered the possibility that some type of medicinal therapy targeted at affecting my brain chemistry might provide some relief/improvement in my condition. My research led me in the realm of SSRI's and MAOI's.

For my particular "chemical make-up" I found what I'd have to desicribe as a "Miracle Drug" in dextromethorphan (specifically in hydrobromide powder form administerd orally via gelcap). While I will concede that my application/administration of this supplement (ok, drug) is "non-conventional" (to say the least, considering what's it's been used for over the last 30 years) but what I can tell you unequivocally is that the effects for me have been dramatic relief from depression, reduced (pratically eliminated) craving for alcohol, better concentration and improved sense of well being (to name just a few).

The dosage and frequency of administration that I've been doing over the last few months has been approximately 500mg dextromethorphan hydrobromide administered orally once a day.

I have read a theroy about something called "Olneys Lesions" (that could be misspelled) that could result but I've continued my course anyway, just with much caution and constant monitoring of my health (although I'll admit it's kind of hard to be objective when you are your own lab rat - ha).

But where I'm at right now is this: I'm feeling a strong pressure in my head and I feel "faint" like whenever I give blood (which starts me considering if my brain is bleeding right now).

I would tell anyone who reads this a couple of other things about myself: I'm NOT a hypochondriac and I have had a "Near Death Experience" before - and I feel that "feeling" comming over me (I know, that "sounds" like a hypochondriac) and it's causing me intense concern at this very moment.

WHAT I NEED TO KNOW IS THIS: Is there anyone who can provide me with some rather expedient information regarding Olneys lesions or brain hemorrages as far as what to look for, what to do, anything, anything, anything!! Is there anything I can do? My dilemma is that I'm so close to retirement and they could kick me out for this whole "self medication" thing. If I knew for a fact I was going to die (or was at REAL risk) then, of course I would seek medical attention immediately but the risk is that if I'm WRONG: then I could get kicked out (hey, I've got a wife and kids) and what a shame it would be if I've really got nothing to worry about healthwise and reported myself to them for nothing.

My plans at this time are to stop my present course of treatment I only hope it's not too late.

PLEASE RESPOND VIA E-MAIL OR THIS POST...OR FORWARD THIS TO SOMEONE WHO MAY BE ABLE TO PROVIDE SOME INFORMATION.

Thanks in advance,

Paul