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Posted by Kim on September 10, 2000 at 01:57:18:

In Reply to: Handling Loved One's Wishes posted by SheKei on September 09, 2000 at 13:15:26:

: We just found out Thursday that my Mom has cancer. Her doctors strongly suspected cancer we just did not expect the prognosis. My Mom started complaining 6 weeks ago about a mild back pain. Thursday they opened her up with the hopes of being able to remove the tumor but they bought us the news that the cancer was everywhere; pancreas, spleen, stomach, small intestines, and intertwined with major blood vessels and such. They really suspect it is an agressive cancer. They closed her back up. I'm just thankful that my Mom is not in a lot of pain (of course, now whe will have pain from healing from the surgery.) They are great about making sure she does not have any. My Mom does not want to have to fly/drive all over the place to get a second opinion. Her doctors say that chemo and radiation are of no use now. My Mom wants to spend her remaining time surrounded by her kids and doing as much as possible. I want to honor my Mom's wishes but I also know that my other siblings want to do whatever it takes to get her healthy again, if possible. My Mom feels that if the doctors could have done anything they would have. She says that we can do a second opinion but only with the paperwork from her doctors. She does not want to go in for tests and such or any kind of surgery. She wants to live what life she she has left with family and friends being as vital as she can and not in a hospital room. She has a Peace about the matter and is more concerned for us kids and how we are holding up. What do you do in this situation? I feel what my Mom wants should come first. It's hard to believe that her back pain just started about six weeks ago. My Mom has never been sick, she's 64 and all she has been taking is blood pressure meds. It's hard to believe that a woman who never, drank, smoke, etc can end up with something like this. It seems to have appeared out of thin air.

SheKei~

We just found out 8/30 that my mom, 63, has stage IV ovarian cancer that has metastisized to her liver. She too, like your mom, has always been the picture of health....never smoked, drank occasionally on a social basis, walked a mile or two a day, her diet consisted of all the right foods. Her symptoms (mild) began around the end of June....some abdominal bloating, some "tired all day" days, a little shortness of breath. About mid-August the bloating became so severe she looked like she was about 6 months pregnant, her legs, ankles, and feet became swollen, the tiredness and shortness of breath became more than just occasional. So I can relate to your shock over the rapid onset of symptoms in your mom. Your mom has only had a couple of days to let this all sink in so possibly given a little more time she will rethink the second opinion. Ultimately, I would have to say that she has the final say in what route to take. Just try to help her make informed decisions if and when she is ready and be there for her. Follow your instincts and your heart and help her do the same. At least you know she has a peace and comfortability within herself about leaving this world behind. Be thankful for that. My mom is afraid of dying and I agonize over thinking about it coming to that without her coming to terms with it. I am afraid we both have rough waters ahead, SheKei. I will keep your family in my thoughts and wish for you the best that can be.

Kim

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