Re: Opinions Please



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Re: Opinions Please

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Posted by jj on July 14, 2000 at 00:03:12:
In Reply to: Re: Opinions Please posted by Martin, edited on July 10, 2000 at 04:07:38:
: : To all the caregivers out there I would like your opinion on the following:
: : My mother is disabled and she can't get around without assistance. For regular occasions like doctor's visits and such she uses paratransit which is public transportation for the disabled.
: : But there are some occasions when I have to drive her to places. Begrudgingly I have driven her. The part that I'm upset about is when she invites other people to go along with her meaning now that besides having to take her (and pick her up) I have to do the same for the people that she invites. The last time the place that she had to go was so far out that I had to stay for the whole event (because I had never been there before and I was afraid I would get lost in having to pick her up).
: : The thing that bothers me so is that she invites people and doesn't even ask me if I mind - which I do. She says she feels she can invite anyone she wants - which is true - IF SHE WAS DOING THE DRIVING!
: : I welcome all of your opinions on this matter....
:
: Your URL was edited as off-subject material.
: HB Moderator
I just recently saw a psychologist to discuss the matter of the difficulty of dealing with an elderly parent. His words to me were, you can't change them, but you can set limits. For example my elderly mother believes I earn my salary for her, although I have my own expenses and rent to pay.Therefore, I will be setting a limit and she can either accept it or refuse it. I haven't tried it yet (she is not speaking to me, that a whole other story, but when she does I will have no alternative, but to set those limits and acknowledge that I am a good person and doing the best I can).
Let her know you love her, but it is your car and you do not wish to drive others around,and if she insist,then tell her that you will be unable to drive her unless she abides by your wishes.
I hope it works for you. Basically these problems are of our own making, we fail to stand up to them out of guilt.
Good luck.

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Message: (add your reply here)
: : : To all the caregivers out there I would like your opinion on the following: : : : My mother is disabled and she can't get around without assistance. For regular occasions like doctor's visits and such she uses paratransit which is public transportation for the disabled. : : : But there are some occasions when I have to drive her to places. Begrudgingly I have driven her. The part that I'm upset about is when she invites other people to go along with her meaning now that besides having to take her (and pick her up) I have to do the same for the people that she invites. The last time the place that she had to go was so far out that I had to stay for the whole event (because I had never been there before and I was afraid I would get lost in having to pick her up). : : : The thing that bothers me so is that she invites people and doesn't even ask me if I mind - which I do. She says she feels she can invite anyone she wants - which is true - IF SHE WAS DOING THE DRIVING! : : : I welcome all of your opinions on this matter.... : : : : Your URL was edited as off-subject material. : : HB Moderator : I just recently saw a psychologist to discuss the matter of the difficulty of dealing with an elderly parent. His words to me were, you can't change them, but you can set limits. For example my elderly mother believes I earn my salary for her, although I have my own expenses and rent to pay.Therefore, I will be setting a limit and she can either accept it or refuse it. I haven't tried it yet (she is not speaking to me, that a whole other story, but when she does I will have no alternative, but to set those limits and acknowledge that I am a good person and doing the best I can). : Let her know you love her, but it is your car and you do not wish to drive others around,and if she insist,then tell her that you will be unable to drive her unless she abides by your wishes. : I hope it works for you. Basically these problems are of our own making, we fail to stand up to them out of guilt. : Good luck.
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