Re: Time to Make Some Decisions

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[ Home ] [ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followups ] [ FAQ ] [ Back to Messages ] Message Posted by Marcia on August 09, 2000 at 21:21:29: In Reply to: Re: Time to Make Some Decisions posted by Betty D. on August 09, 2000 at 12:13:37: : Marcia,you not only have one problem, you have two,big problems. It is always so sad when this time comes for this type of decision. We went thru this three years ago. My mom stayed in her house until she was 89. My sister couldn't take her due to severe heart condition, I couldn't take her as my husband has Parkinson's and Dementia, my brother and wife taught school and no one was at home. His bedrooms are upstairs,also. : We decided that assisted living was the answer for the time being. She never wanted to go into a N.H. Of course, there is always a waiting list at all of them. My brother checked out the homes in his area, put her name on a new one, and when it was completed, we moved her, along with her special pieces of furniture, pictures, lamps, etc. : She was ambulatory at that time, but later she was wheelchair bound, had several mini strokes, and had to wear diapers. The home wanted to keep her, and we felt she got better attention there, so we left her. She was there 3 years, passing away March of this year. : I don't know your parents financial situation, so naturally that is a big factor. These homes aren't cheap, but cheaper than NH. : I certainly understand your situation and that of your brother's. Is there anyway you both could visit with your parents a few days, and discuss this with them......everything on the table. Are both your parents of sound mind, and can be reasoned with? If so, and they can fully understand the problem, perhaps you can find a facility near you where they can live together. We have the apartments here in the homes where the husband and wife share. : I certainly feel for you and your brother, but decisions must be made for the best of all concerned. Mother had her feelings hurt as she thought none of us wanted her, but that was not the situation. She finally realized it was the only way to go. : I wish you lots of luck in this trying ordeal. : Blessings, : Betty D. Betty, Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I'm sorry to hear about your mother's passing. From your experiences, I know you and your family have shared the same circumstances and feelings. Fortunately, they are still very sharp but stubborn and still wanting to remain independent. We plan to travel there next month. Hopefully, we will all make some good decisions and that will still keep them comfortable and reasonably happy. Thanks again. Follow Ups Post a Followup If you post a followup: Please review our message board guidelines. Please keep messages on topic. Advertising messages are not permitted on this board. Please report any violations to webmaster@healthboards.com Name: E-Mail (optional): please note: your e-mail address will be visible for others to see. Subject: Message: (add your reply here) : : : Marcia,you not only have one problem, you have two,big problems. It is always so sad when this time comes for this type of decision. We went thru this three years ago. My mom stayed in her house until she was 89. My sister couldn't take her due to severe heart condition, I couldn't take her as my husband has Parkinson's and Dementia, my brother and wife taught school and no one was at home. His bedrooms are upstairs,also. : : We decided that assisted living was the answer for the time being. She never wanted to go into a N.H. Of course, there is always a waiting list at all of them. My brother checked out the homes in his area, put her name on a new one, and when it was completed, we moved her, along with her special pieces of furniture, pictures, lamps, etc. : : She was ambulatory at that time, but later she was wheelchair bound, had several mini strokes, and had to wear diapers. The home wanted to keep her, and we felt she got better attention there, so we left her. She was there 3 years, passing away March of this year. : : I don't know your parents financial situation, so naturally that is a big factor. These homes aren't cheap, but cheaper than NH. : : I certainly understand your situation and that of your brother's. Is there anyway you both could visit with your parents a few days, and discuss this with them......everything on the table. Are both your parents of sound mind, and can be reasoned with? If so, and they can fully understand the problem, perhaps you can find a facility near you where they can live together. We have the apartments here in the homes where the husband and wife share. : : I certainly feel for you and your brother, but decisions must be made for the best of all concerned. Mother had her feelings hurt as she thought none of us wanted her, but that was not the situation. She finally realized it was the only way to go. : : I wish you lots of luck in this trying ordeal. : : Blessings, : : Betty D. : Betty, : Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I'm sorry to hear about your mother's passing. From your experiences, I know you and your family have shared the same circumstances and feelings. Fortunately, they are still very sharp but stubborn and still wanting to remain independent. We plan to travel there next month. Hopefully, we will all make some good decisions and that will still keep them comfortable and reasonably happy. Thanks again. 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