Re: WITHDRAWING FRIENDS

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[ Home ] [ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followups ] [ FAQ ] [ Back to Messages ] Message Posted by BettyD. on August 19, 2000 at 10:16:13: In Reply to: WITHDRAWING FRIENDS posted by JAN on August 18, 2000 at 13:27:12: : WHEN MY HUSBAND WAS RECOVERING FROM OPEN HEART SURGERY SIX YEAR AGO, EVERYONE CAME TO HELP. THEY MADE SURE THAT I HAD TIME OUT TO MYSELF. NOW THAT HE IS DYING FROM TERMINAL CANCER AND WE ARE IN THE HOSPICE PROGRAM, NO ONE COMES. NO ONE CALLS. I DO NOT MIND THE TAKING CARE OF HIM, THAT IS A PRIVILEGE AND AN HONOR, BUT THE LONLINESS IS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR. : I CAN NOT EVEN GET THE TIME TO GO TO THE POST OFFICE AS HE CANNOT BE LEFT ALONE AT ALL. : WHY DO PEOPLE WITHDRAW. AND THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO ALL THESE YEARS HAVE CALLED THEMSELVES FRIENDS. Jan, You are so right that those who called themselves friends, seem to slip away when we really need their support. I really don't understand this, but it's true. I have experienced the same thing. I am with my husband 23/7. He has Parkinsons and Dementia. Where I go, he goes. I can get to town to buy groceries, sit him in the lobby of Walmarts, rush for necessities then back to front to see if he is o.k. Sometimes, he has his head bowed on his chest, asleep. Sometimes he talks to whoever might sit next to him. I cannot leave him, as I never know what he might decide to do. I am so sorry about your husband. No one knows how frustrating that caregiving can become, except other caregivers. Do you belong to a support group? We have been several times, but my husband wants to go home. He doesn't gain from it, but at least, I have someone to talk to. Our neighbors never come, nor call. We do live in the county,(about l4 or l5 miles out), and I tell myself that is why no one comes. We were members of a church in town for 30 odd years, and they never called or came but one time in l4 years. We have 3 children,two married and l divorced. They live in other states, so don't see them often. I bought a scottie pup about 6 months ago, thinking it would be such company for my husband. I think it was a mistake, as he pup aggravates him. We had scotties for years, and He was so fond of them, but that was before his illness. Anyway, what I am saying, the pet has been a comfort for me. I am alone so much, as he sleeps a lot(can't do anything that requires any tiny bit of concentration)We are up and down sll night. Write me and tell me about your family, etc. It does help. If you would like to become part of a group of caretakers, http://www.Caresupport@caregiving.com. These ladies are very sympathetic, and are good listeners and advisors. If you would like to email me, fcmdavis@aol.com. Keep in touch, and I send you prayers and blessings. Betty D. Follow Ups Re: WITHDRAWING FRIENDS gardengirl33 13:47:50 10/22/00 (0) Post a Followup If you post a followup: Please review our message board guidelines. Please keep messages on topic. Advertising messages are not permitted on this board. Please report any violations to webmaster@healthboards.com Name: E-Mail (optional): please note: your e-mail address will be visible for others to see. Subject: Message: (add your reply here) : : WHEN MY HUSBAND WAS RECOVERING FROM OPEN HEART SURGERY SIX YEAR AGO, EVERYONE CAME TO HELP. THEY MADE SURE THAT I HAD TIME OUT TO MYSELF. NOW THAT HE IS DYING FROM TERMINAL CANCER AND WE ARE IN THE HOSPICE PROGRAM, NO ONE COMES. NO ONE CALLS. I DO NOT MIND THE TAKING CARE OF HIM, THAT IS A PRIVILEGE AND AN HONOR, BUT THE LONLINESS IS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR. : : I CAN NOT EVEN GET THE TIME TO GO TO THE POST OFFICE AS HE CANNOT BE LEFT ALONE AT ALL. : : WHY DO PEOPLE WITHDRAW. AND THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO ALL THESE YEARS HAVE CALLED THEMSELVES FRIENDS. : Jan, You are so right that those who called themselves friends, seem to slip away when we really need their support. I really don't understand this, but it's true. I have experienced the same thing. : I am with my husband 23/7. He has Parkinsons and Dementia. Where I go, he goes. I can get to town to buy groceries, sit him in the lobby of Walmarts, rush for necessities then back to front to see if he is o.k. Sometimes, he has his head bowed on his chest, asleep. Sometimes he talks to whoever might sit next to him. I cannot leave him, as I never know what he might decide to do. : I am so sorry about your husband. No one knows how frustrating that caregiving can become, except other caregivers. Do you belong to a support group? We have been several times, but my husband wants to go home. He doesn't gain from it, but at least, I have someone to talk to. Our neighbors never come, nor call. We do live in the county,(about l4 or l5 miles out), and I tell myself that is why no one comes. We were members of a church in town for 30 odd years, and they never called or came but one time in l4 years. : We have 3 children,two married and l divorced. They live in other states, so don't see them often. : I bought a scottie pup about 6 months ago, thinking it would be such company for my husband. I think it was a mistake, as he pup aggravates him. We had scotties for years, and He was so fond of them, but that was before his illness. Anyway, what I am saying, the pet has been a comfort for me. I am alone so much, as he sleeps a lot(can't do anything that requires any tiny bit of concentration)We are up and down sll night. : Write me and tell me about your family, etc. It does help. If you would like to become part of a group of caretakers, http://www.Caresupport@caregiving.com. These ladies are very sympathetic, and are good listeners and advisors. If you would like to email me, fcmdavis@aol.com. Keep in touch, and I send you prayers and blessings. : Betty D. Optional Link URL: Link Title: Optional Image URL: Note: The moderator has the right to delete any message deemed inappropiate for this board. 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