Re: referee no more!



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Re: referee no more!

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Posted by Betty D. on September 29, 2000 at 09:55:07:
In Reply to: referee no more! posted by friend on September 29, 2000 at 06:05:27:
: There is NO way to avoid upsetting people like that. Refereeing adults behaving like spoiled brats is not in the description of a dutiful daughter.
: So, what you do is each one of them, in a respectful attitude, that you love each of them and because it hurts you too much, you have decided not to allow them to put you in the middle of their problems with each other any more, and will not provide information about the others for any of them.
: Rehearse this until you can say it clearly.
: Then have your relationships with each one separately from the others and don't talk about them to the others.
: Be very firm about this. Never one word.
: You don't need to explain why, as they already know they are wrong, and refuse to justify yourself or get into debates about it. They have drawn you into it, but that was wrong of them. It is now up to you to stop entering their problems.
: If they cannot get the information they want to know, they might even have to resort to speaking to one another. But if they never forgive and let go of the anger, that is their problem not yours, and you cannot fix it for them. It is their responsibility.
: Bless you, sweetie, for caring about being respectful with a bunch that has none.
"A friend" has given you excellent advise. I surely hope you follow it. Your relatives are making you the "scrape goat", ignoring your feeling and what this is doing to you emotionally.
Don't let them do this to you!!!It is not your battle. If they want to argue and fight, let them.....distant yourself from this problem. IT IS NOT YOURS!!!!!!!!1

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: : There is NO way to avoid upsetting people like that. Refereeing adults behaving like spoiled brats is not in the description of a dutiful daughter. : : So, what you do is each one of them, in a respectful attitude, that you love each of them and because it hurts you too much, you have decided not to allow them to put you in the middle of their problems with each other any more, and will not provide information about the others for any of them. : : Rehearse this until you can say it clearly. : : Then have your relationships with each one separately from the others and don't talk about them to the others. : : Be very firm about this. Never one word. : : You don't need to explain why, as they already know they are wrong, and refuse to justify yourself or get into debates about it. They have drawn you into it, but that was wrong of them. It is now up to you to stop entering their problems. : : If they cannot get the information they want to know, they might even have to resort to speaking to one another. But if they never forgive and let go of the anger, that is their problem not yours, and you cannot fix it for them. It is their responsibility. : : Bless you, sweetie, for caring about being respectful with a bunch that has none. : "A friend" has given you excellent advise. I surely hope you follow it. Your relatives are making you the "scrape goat", ignoring your feeling and what this is doing to you emotionally. : Don't let them do this to you!!!It is not your battle. If they want to argue and fight, let them.....distant yourself from this problem. IT IS NOT YOURS!!!!!!!!1
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