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Posted by Betty D. on October 07, 2000 at 13:24:37:
In Reply to: to be caregiver for mother posted by Beth on October 06, 2000 at 21:36:18:
: Hi all--I am writing just because I need some support and to know that others do what I am about to undertake. My mother is going to be coming home from the rehab at the end of the month and I will be her caregiver. She barely walks, is mostly wheelchair bound and I have to help her with most things. I am taking a leave from work and am worried that I won't be able to go back. I guess I am mostly overwhelmed with the responsibility I am going to take on. We have had severeal trial weekends so far and by the end of them, I am exhausted. I will have some help through a waiver program when she comes home but I sometimes feel I just can't do this. Any words of wisdom for me out there? What do you do when you think you just can't do it anymore? Thanks for any help. Beth Beth, you certainly have my sympathy in what you are undertaking.....care for your mom. There are a lot of questions concerning your situation: How old is your mom? Is she prone to depression, resentment, senility, anger, demanding.......so many things as this are involved in caregiving. Overwhelmed? Yes, you are right. It is a 24/7 job. Will this Waiver Program give you enough relief? Are you financially able to stay at home if the need be? Do you have siblings that can be of help with your mom......take her into their homes at times, and give you some free time for yourself?
Youu have already had a sample of what it is going to be like, but it will be a continuing situation of what you have sampled.
We love our moms, and want to do anything we can for them, EXCEPT SACRIFICE OUR MARRIAGE, HEALTH, AND FAMILY. This caregiving does creep into these important phases of our lives.
Three years ago, my sister, brother and I went down the same path you are on. It was just impossible for any of us to take her into our homes. My sister had a bad heart condition, my brother and wife both worked and all bedrooms were upstairs, and I am caretaker for my husband for 7 years with Parkinsons Disease, Restless Leg Syndrome, Hypoglycemia,Macular Degeneration, and Dementia.......My plate was and is still full.
Mother resented the fact that we put her into an assisted living home. She said that we didn't want her, and we couldn't reason with her. It was a nice home, and she lived there 3 years, passing away March this year. She was 94 yrs. old, and in diapers, couldn't talk(strokes)wheelchair!
There are always guilt trips that accompany this decision, but keep telling yourself that this had to be done for the physical, mental, and emotionally for the caretaker. Think about this, and I know you have really done so.
I do feel so for you.....Hope you have someone in your family that can help you make this decision.
DON'T TAKE THIS ON IF AT ALL POSSIBLE.....UNLESS YOU HAVE ADEQUATE HELP.....YOU MUST HAVE HELP. RESENTMENT AND ANGER ALWAYS HAS A WAY OF CREEPING INTO THE CARETAKERS LIFE. DEPRESSION SNEAKS IN, TOO, EVEN THO WE WANT NONE OF THESE EMOTIONS.
WE CARETAKERS HAVE FOUND THAT FRIENDS THAT USED TO BE JUST AREN'T THERE FOR US ANYMORE. STRANGE BUT THIS DOES HAPPEN...WE FIND OURSELVES ALONE WITH OUR PROBLEMS.
I am so sorry to write you such a depressing letter, but its ALL TRUE,
I wish you much luck and send prayers that all of this will work out for the best.
Blessings, Betty D.
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