Re: to be caregiver for mother

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Posted by Annette on October 10, 2000 at 21:45:29:

In Reply to: to be caregiver for mother posted by Beth on October 06, 2000 at 21:36:18:

: Hi all--I am writing just because I need some support and to know that others do what I am about to undertake. My mother is going to be coming home from the rehab at the end of the month and I will be her caregiver. She barely walks, is mostly wheelchair bound and I have to help her with most things. I am taking a leave from work and am worried that I won't be able to go back. I guess I am mostly overwhelmed with the responsibility I am going to take on. We have had severeal trial weekends so far and by the end of them, I am exhausted. I will have some help through a waiver program when she comes home but I sometimes feel I just can't do this. Any words of wisdom for me out there? What do you do when you think you just can't do it anymore? Thanks for any help. Beth

Beth, I sympathsize with ur situation. I am basically in the same one. My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Since Dec. '99 she has been in two Personal Care Homes,and a Nursing Home. But mostly she has spent her time --and is presently in---psychiatric units. I tried at first to keep her home with me. She was pretty good until nightime. Then it was awful. She tried to tear the blinds and drapes down because she thought the house was on fire and that people were after her. She wouldn't eat because the food might be poisoned. She hit, kicked, tried to leave in the middle of the freezing night. When I had to call 911 for help, she told them we had beaten her. God, it was awful! It seems that no matter where we put her, she gets "expelled" for her behavior. It's either keep her so sedated that she quits eating, drinking, or deal with the agitation and hitting, etc. She has some good days and wants to go home with me. I take her to eat out sometimes and try to take her shopping on those "good" days. My daughter and I visit her and try to do what we can to give her some happiness. Her sister can't believe I would put her in a NH. I can't handle it and would have no help other than my daughter. We both work a lot and she has three children. I feel really guilty about just not giving up my life and stay with her 24/7, but I would be in the psych hospital with her. Because it WOULD be a 24/7 job and "give up my life" would be exactly what it would be. I think for her safety and my sanity, it's best to have her in a home and give her my BEST when I see her instead of my stressed-out worst. As u said, the WEEKENDS have been been hard.Just think what it will be like CONSTANTLY! I love my mother dearly, but I found out I just cannot be her constant caregiver. Good luck in your decision. I will keep u in my prayers.

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