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Is there someone here like me?

Is there someone here like me?

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Posted by Vince on November 07, 2000 at 01:42:05:

I'd like to know if someone here has the same mental experiences like mine. First of
all, I'm an introverted, quiet, shy kinda guy. But my mind is not. Ever since I was 13
or 14, I've had these conversations in my mind almost all day long everyday. Often,
it starts immediately when I wake up in the morning and while I'm on my way to
work and goes on until before I sleep. I'm always talking in my mind -- to random
people -- friends, co-workers, family, aquiantances, classmates of long ago,
workmates of long ago or sometimes even strangers. The conversations center
around me, often self-serving, like I'm updating them on some mundane detail about
my life. Often, the conversations are loosely based on actual experiences I go
through with a little embellishment. Sometimes I imagine a love quarrel with a person
that doesn't exist. Often, when I'm actually talking to people, I pretend I'm listening
but another conversation is going in my mind -- things I could say to that person but I
don't. I know it's weird and it doesn't really bother me before. But now it does.
Three months ago, the conversations were mostly anchored on how I easily I was
getting one-night stands in a bar abroad. I was getting the one-night stands actually
and in my mind telling my frieinds back home, even boasting about it. Sometimes,
while having sex, I'm already playing the conversation of how I would tell that
experience to frieinds. Most of the time I don't get to say them because I wouldn't
want to come accross as a braggart. I'd like to stop this stupid conversations but it
has become sort of a reflex and I don't think it's healthy. Those conversations give
me the thrill that I'm great or superior, but actually I'm not. They keep me from
thinking straight and would pop up anytime.

Any thoughts on this?

Vince


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