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Posted by Lo
on November 08, 2000 at 13:28:41:
Hello everyone. I started posting here a month ago and while I received a lot of encouragement, understanding and willing "ears", it has just occurred to me that I never received any advice about my actual problem. With so many new people here, perhaps someone who has tackled the same problem before will read this and have some advice. Please bear with me; I know many of you have much more serious problems, but this is a part of my daily life and I'd like help! I am a wife and mother, almost 40, who has not had a friend since mid-highschool. I have low self-esteem, mild depression and not so mild insomnia and anxiety disorders (often so nervous about going out that I feel sick and have not been able to hold down a job as the problem got worse recently). Sometimes when I'm tense I pull my hair out until I have bald spots that are hard to cover. I was molested starting at age 5 but was so traumatized I didn't remember it until about 3 years ago. That meant I blamed all my oddities on myself because I didn't know what caused them, so I felt like some weirdo and hated myself for it. Much of this has been accepted and partially dealt with but the reason I'm here is that I simply don't know how to make friends anymore. When the kids were small I blamed my neighbourhood and my schedule, although I did make the usual attempts: invitations for coffee, suggestions for girls' night out, etc. As I said in my original post, I feel terribly lonely and isolated. Its odd because I have no problem engaging people in conversation, making them smile and laugh...I come across as out-going and many would be surprised to know what a nervous wreck I am, yet I'm never included in things and my invitations are never accepted. I see other women walking together and think "What is the secret? How do other people make friends while I am always alone? Do I give off some kind of signal to hold people off when I really want them near?" Have you been in my shoes? Can someone please tell me the trick to creating friendship? I've made cyberfriends here in the Web -- fellow sufferers commiserating and supporting -- and that's great, but boy it would be nice to have someone to go places with, have heart to heart talks, etc. Any ideas what is going wrong? Thanks!
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