One day at a time
One day at a time
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Posted by Janet
on December 02, 2000 at 00:57:47:
In Reply to: I want to make it look like an accident posted by Helene on November 28, 2000 at 07:25:08:
We hear you and we understand. We know how you feel and we want you to feel better. I went through this 10 years ago (I am in my 50s now) and I am going through it again.
Ten years ago, I wanted to end it all, things were very bad with a situation with a parent I had to help. I had a friend who simply said, "if that's the way you feel, just open your front door and start walking; change your life right now, what do you have to lose. Leave it all behind, start over, take a risk, just leave. Begin again and don't look back. But if you kill yourself now you won't know what might have been."
That's pretty much what he told me. I made it through the night. (It's always the nights that are the worst.) And for every day thereafter I thought "OK, I can do what I have to do for my parent but at any minute I can walk out that door and never look back." Surprisingly, it worked for me. I never left my parent who needed me and I never walked out that door. I just knew I could if I had to. I had a WAY OUT if I wanted it.
This time around the depression hit me smack in the face in a similar manner. I remember my friend's words and still think they apply and that they can help me. I can always start over. I can begin again if I have to. I can walk out that door and begin my life anew. I don't have to die. Dying ends it for me. Everyone else moves on. They might even be sad for me, but in the end they live their life and I am a memory, if that.
So Helene you live your life. It's so tough right now and I know that. Pick up that phone and call that crisis line and talk their ears off. Call and call until you find a counselor who listens to YOU and who you think can help YOU. If your drugs aren't working, find a doctor who might can find drugs that do.
Just get through this day. And then just get through the next day. One day at a time. Every day is different. On the tough days, get on your computer and come here. Or use it to get through the hours.
I myself am trying to take my own advice. I promised myself that I will reach out to others right now. I have isolated myself too much. If you have one friend that means you can have two friends and more if you begin to reach out. I am planning on going to a local church on Sunday (not particularly a religious church, more of a community type church) just so I can be around people. I don't have to talk. I can just be there.
This is the season to reach out and perhaps they have a community program that will help me help others right now. There is also the local shelter that might can use my help this time of year. I am deliberately going to try to seek out groups I can join or be with. Isolation is a killer. Please don't isolate yourself.
Tell yourself that your family is who they are and you can't change them. You can change YOU. Make yourself the focus of your life. Get the help you need because you deserve to live this life as full as you possibly can and try to forget about what others think of you, including your parents. That's not easy when all of your young life you have had to listen to what they thought of you. You are older now and you can tell yourself, "OK, that's their opinion, not mine. I am my own person; I am good; I've overcome a lot; and I know my worth. Things are tough right now but I am strong and I will get through this with them or without them, but I will get through this."
Just know that you count, your opinions count, you have a space and a place to live on this earth just like any one else.
One day at a time, Helene. We know, because we also are taking it one day at a time. None of this easy, but tomorrow might not seem as dark as today. And with tomorrow comes a day uncharted and unmarked by the day before. Tomorrow is the day we can make our own.