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Any self-mutilators out there?

Any self-mutilators out there?

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Posted by Helene on December 06, 2000 at 06:11:47:

First I want to say thanks to everyone who responded to my previous post. You guys really helped a lot. I have this self-mutilation problem... Whenever I get stressed out, I get a razor blade and cut my legs (mu upper thights) and chest. Basically, I cut everywhere that can be hidden by shorts and a tank-top. It's easiest for me to cut my upper right thigh (because I'm right-handed), but I've done it so many times that it looks like raw meat... The problem w/ this, though, is that it works. I do it whenever I'm stressed or when I think about killing myself or when I get depressed, and that's usually about 3 or 4 times a day. I was just wondering how normal this is. I know that I'm pretty messed up mentally, and I've told my doctor about this, but all she does is up my dosage of medication, and it works for some problems, but not for all of my problems because I can't stop cutting myself. Does anyone have any experience w/ this? I just don't know what to do anymore. I think about ending my life every single day, but I know that it's not because of my problems, because I can rationalize myself through them. I know that it's because of me, because I'm messed up, but I don't even know what's wrong w/ me. No one knows about this, either, but I only have one friend (but she's always too busy to talk to me, and I don't know how to tell her, or if it would even do any good), and my family doesn't care about me (in fact, when I was a teenager, I wrote in my journal about how much I wanted to kill myself, and my mom went through my stuff and read it, and sat down w/ me a few days later and told me that I probably should kill myself, because I'm such a worthless waste and that God hated me (her exact words, but I wasn't a Christian at the time). Almost every day after I got home from school she'd talk to me about how unpopular I was, how I didn't have any friends, etc, and she even made up stuff, like saying some of my teachers called her up at work and asked why I was so annoying and asked so many dumb questions (I didn't know any better, so I believed her) And my dad was even worse!). I just don't know what to do anymore.
Helene


Follow Ups

  • Yes. friend 08:37:15 12/06/00 (0)



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