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Posted by friend
on December 06, 2000 at 08:37:15:
In Reply to: Any self-mutilators out there? posted by Helene on December 06, 2000 at 06:11:47:
I did not cut myself, as I was too afraid of it, but I took arsenic, overdoses of other pills, hit and pinched my body. Still, I over eat even when it makes me sick.
You obviously think you deserve the pain and to die. I don't blame you for the feeling, but the feeling is not the truth!
I could just scream at your abusive parents!
How disgusting!!! No one deserves that.
You don't deserve such an uninvolved doctor, either!
Medicating does not heal the old wounds! It can provide a shield, but doesn't fix the underlying problems, as you know.
It took psycho-therapy for me. But not all doctors are good ones, and not all can actually help your kind of deep problem.
Good doctors are out there, though. I found my Christian psychologist thru RAFA Counseling. I underwent regressive therapy where I went into deep relaxation like twilight sleep, and could still hear sounds in the room. Like when we are awake but still in sleep, if you know what I mean.
Then he asked me to go back into old hurtful situations and I felt the old pain, then he asked me to tell that person whatever I wanted to say.
Thru this deep almost subconscious level, I got the deep pain out and got a sense of being empowered! I was free to grow up and be an adult, and see the other person clearly, to see what was my problem and what was the perpetrator's...
I quit feeling like I deserved pain. I had old bad habits, but practiced better ones...like positive self-talk, and taking care of myself.
I realized that I didn't know how to be a friend to myself or others, so I took counselor training and learned so much about how to have equal relationships. I quit looking down on myself, tho I have my moments still. But I know it is me, I deal with it and move on...you can overcome, girl.
Don't settle for a doctor that treats you like your parents did. The doctor may not tell you you are worthless, but by not listening to you and helping, or referring you to someone that can help, she is also abusing you, by telling you to be quiet, in a sense that you are not worth her time. Fire this doctor!
You are likely going to have to get mad over the abuse and use the anger energy to find the help you deserve, need and is out there.
Ask God to get you what you need...He helped me find the help I needed.