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Posted by pam on July 19, 2000 at 01:39:45:

In Reply to: Re: MY NEW BABY WAS DIAGNOSED WITH D.S. posted by Geraldine on July 09, 2000 at 21:13:45:

: : : I JUST HAD OUR BABY GIRL 6-7-00 AND THEY INFORMED US SHE HAS DOWNS. SHE SEEMS TO BE DOING VERY WELL CONSIDERING SHE WAS BORN AT 29 WKS WEIGHING ONLY 2 1/2#. MY FEAR IS I WON'T BE A GOOD ENOUGHT MOM TO A SPECIAL CHILD SUCH AS SHE IS- I HAVE A 3 1/2 YR OLD BOY AND I AM NOT THE MOST PATIENT. I HAVE ALSO BEEN TOLD THAT HAVING A SPECIAL CHILD IS HARD ON A MARRIAGE IF IT IS NOT STONG. MY MARRIAGE IS AVERAGE I WOULD SAY HOWEVER- IT IS VERY STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON. WE ARE CONSIDERING ALL THE OPTIONS WITH HER INCLUDING ADOPTION- BUT IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE GIVING OUR LITTLE GIRL AWAY- WHEN WE PLANED FOR HER THE WHOLE TIME. CAN ANY ONE HELP US- I FEEL LIKE ROB WHO POSTED HIS MESSAGE IN SEPT 99 ON POSSABLE ADOPTION. WE JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT TO EXPECT. HAS ANYONE ELSE GONE THOUGH THIS TOO?

: : DEAR LISA, YES MOST OF US KNOW HOW SCARED YOU MUST BE FEELING RIGHT NOW. BELIEVE ME I WENT THROUGH SO MUCH FEAR HAVING A PRENATAL DIAGNOSIS, I NEEDED TO BE PUT ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS AND PANIC ATTACK MEDICINES; SO BELIEVE ME I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING. ALSO I AM NOT A PATIENT PERSON EITHER AND NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE THE MOTHER TO A "SPECIAL" CHILD, IN FACT MY FIRST 2 ARE 5 YEARS APART AND MY DOWN SYNDROME CHILD IS 10 YEARS APART FROM THE LAST, THATS HOW MUCH PATIENCE I THINK I DON'T HAVE! WELL TO MY SURPRISE MY DOWN SYNDROME CHILD IN EVERY WAY HAS BEEN EASIER SO FAR AND HE'S 2 YEARS OLD, THAN MY OTHER TWO WERE, HARDLY ANY CRYING, HAPPY, CONTENT, JUST THE BEST BABY. HE HAS BROUGHT THE "WHOLE" FAMILY CLOSER TOGETHER. HE HAS MADE US ALL BETTER PEOPLE AND SHOWN ME I HAVE STRENGTH I NEVER THOUGHT I HAD IN ME. I RECENTLY MET SOMEONE IN YOUR "EXACT" POSITION THINKING OF ADOPTION AS AN ALTERNATIVE AND MARRIED. SHE WAS TOLD TO MAKE AN "INFORMED" DECISION-MET OTHER FAMILIES, SEE THE CHILDREN, SHE DID AND FINALLY SEEING HOW MUCH THESE CHILDREN WERE SO SIMILIAR TO "TYPICAL" CHILDREN RATHER THAN DIFFERENT SHE DECIDED TO KEEP HER BABIES-TWINS, ONE DS THE OTHER TYPICAL AND PREMIES LIKE YOURS. NOW SHE FEELS SHE DID THE RIGHT THING AND IS HAPPY WITH HER DECISION TO KEEP HER LITTLE GIRL. WE ARE ALL AFRAID OF THE UNKNOWN BUT WE DRAW STRENGTH FROM EACH OTHER. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK WITH THIS WOMAN PLEASE LET ME KNOW, I CAN PUT YOU IN TOUCH.

: Dear Lisa, you are in the hard part right now. I have seen my daugter going through the same things that you are going through. I have ssen her change, through the 22 years we have had Larry. She has become a better more loving person. Her older daughter is now a teacher with a special Ed. degree. Two children are younger than Larry. One in college also plans on teaching. The youngest in high school is proud of Larry, not ashamed. His birth had no bad effct on their lives, it enriched them. Her marriage became stronger. Her faith deeper in God. YOu must take it day by day. The small gains the child makes will seem so great. walking, talking. These children have pure love and they give. I am his 70 year grandma. I am the proud parent of a child with down syndrome. My daughter will soon be three and i cannot imagine my life without her and given a chance to do things over again i would not change a thing. When my daughter was born she was my first child like every new expecting parent i had dreams and visions of how things would and could be i was 24 yrs. old when i had her,when the doctors handed her to me immediately i recognized a difference even though i had never before seen a new born i still knew something was different.For about a week i waited for test results to confirm wether or not she had ds, i prepared myself for the news for in my heart i already knew. The confirmation made me cry, cry for fear of the unknown, cry for the helplessness i felt and my thought was how will others percieve my child? and that was the first and last time i cried, after i left the doctors office not another tear was shed.Things btwn. the father and i did not work out and then my thoughts were who is going to accept a young mother with a child and even more a child with down syndrome? because i knew not many young men would be willing to commit to a young mother with child. 3 years later i have a fiance who is an absolute prince, loves my daughter and we have a son. i have what i prayed for a loving family and in the end that is the only thing that matters. My daughter has enriched my life in a way that nothing else could have i have learned to be accepting of all people my heart has opened to the world, she fills me with so much love and joy i dont see how i could be happier. She is an eager, loving, playful child, who doesnt want that? and people have been wonderful to her not like i had feared. It is unfortunate that ds kids are more suseptable to certain types of illnesses but like everything in the world there are good and bad you can only pray for the best. When you are thinking "having this child is going to change my life" you are right. I am a better person today because of one tiny 3 yr. old, and im not just talking proud mother i mean truly A WHOLE BETTER PERSON. Dont give up your gift because the wrapping is a different color, what you find inside is exactly what you need. God knows what he is doing.



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