Posted by Mary
on July 25, 2000 at 10:20:12:
In Reply to: Re: MY NEW BABY WAS DIAGNOSED WITH D.S. posted by CINDY G on July 05, 2000 at 19:54:07:
: : : : I JUST HAD OUR BABY GIRL 6-7-00 AND THEY INFORMED US SHE HAS DOWNS. SHE SEEMS TO BE DOING VERY WELL CONSIDERING SHE WAS BORN AT 29 WKS WEIGHING ONLY 2 1/2#. MY FEAR IS I WON'T BE A GOOD ENOUGHT MOM TO A SPECIAL CHILD SUCH AS SHE IS- I HAVE A 3 1/2 YR OLD BOY AND I AM NOT THE MOST PATIENT. I HAVE ALSO BEEN TOLD THAT HAVING A SPECIAL CHILD IS HARD ON A MARRIAGE IF IT IS NOT STONG. MY MARRIAGE IS AVERAGE I WOULD SAY HOWEVER- IT IS VERY STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW WITH
: EVERYTHING GOING ON. WE ARE CONSIDERING ALL THE
: OPTIONS WITH HER INCLUDING ADOPTION- BUT IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE GIVING OUR LITTLE GIRL AWAY- WHEN WE PLANED FOR HER THE WHOLE TIME. CAN ANY ONE HELP US- I FEEL LIKE ROB WHO POSTED HIS MESSAGE IN SEPT 99 ON POSSABLE ADOPTION. WE JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT TO EXPECT. HAS ANYONE ELSE GONE THOUGH THIS TOO?
: : : DEAR LISA, YES MOST OF US KNOW HOW SCARED YOU MUST BE FEELING RIGHT NOW. BELIEVE ME I WENT THROUGH SO MUCH FEAR HAVING A PRENATAL DIAGNOSIS, I NEEDED TO BE PUT ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS AND PANIC ATTACK MEDICINES; SO BELIEVE ME I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING. ALSO I AM NOT A PATIENT PERSON EITHER AND NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE THE MOTHER TO A "SPECIAL" CHILD, IN FACT MY FIRST 2 ARE 5 YEARS APART AND MY DOWN SYNDROME CHILD IS 10 YEARS APART FROM THE LAST, THATS HOW MUCH PATIENCE I THINK I DON'T HAVE! WELL TO MY SURPRISE MY DOWN SYNDROME CHILD IN EVERY WAY HAS BEEN EASIER SO FAR AND HE'S 2 YEARS OLD, THAN MY OTHER TWO WERE, HARDLY ANY CRYING, HAPPY, CONTENT, JUST THE BEST BABY. HE HAS BROUGHT THE "WHOLE" FAMILY CLOSER TOGETHER. HE HAS MADE US ALL BETTER PEOPLE AND SHOWN ME I HAVE STRENGTH I NEVER THOUGHT I HAD IN ME. I RECENTLY MET SOMEONE IN YOUR "EXACT" POSITION THINKING OF ADOPTION AS AN ALTERNATIVE AND MARRIED. SHE WAS TOLD TO MAKE AN "INFORMED" DECISION-MET OTHER FAMILIES, SEE THE CHILDREN, SHE DID AND FINALLY SEEING HOW MUCH THESE CHILDREN WERE SO SIMILIAR TO "TYPICAL" CHILDREN RATHER THAN DIFFERENT SHE DECIDED TO KEEP HER BABIES-TWINS, ONE DS THE OTHER TYPICAL AND PREMIES LIKE YOURS. NOW SHE FEELS SHE DID THE RIGHT THING AND IS HAPPY WITH HER DECISION TO KEEP HER LITTLE GIRL. WE ARE ALL AFRAID OF THE UNKNOWN BUT WE DRAW STRENGTH FROM EACH OTHER. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK WITH THIS WOMAN PLEASE LET ME KNOW, I CAN PUT YOU IN TOUCH.
: : DEAR CINDY-
: : I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOUR FRIEND ABOUT HER DECISION I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO CONTACT PEOPLE WHO RESPOND TO MY POSTING SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO E-MAIL ME AT: CUTTERFAMILY@AOL.COM THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REPLY IT HELPS TALKING TO OTHERS HAVE BEEN THERE AND UNDERSTAND EXPECIALLY ABOUT THE PATIENT PART =).
: DEAR LISA, I HOPE MY FRIEND "STAR" WAS ABLE TO GET AHOLD OF YOU OVER THE WEEKEND. I TOLD HER YOU WERE ANXIOUS TO TALK TO HER. HOPE IT HELPS YOU TO HAVE SOMEONE IN A SIMULIAR SITUATION. CINDY
I am a special ed teacher and a mother of two "normies", ages 5 and 1. My husband and I are also the adoptive parents of a 3 year-old D.S. girl named Emmie. I thank God every day that her biological family (a married couple in thier late 20's with one other child)had the strength and vision to allow thier daughter a life that they did not feel capable of providing. They still have contact with Emmie, and we are all thrilled with the arrangement. Her bio mother tells me that is was the most painful, gut-wrenching, and the most rewarding decesion that they have ever made. I write this note not to push for or against adoption, but just to let you know that adoption is one of many positive life options for your baby. We were one a waiting list with D.S. Adoption Exchange for over 3 years, so I know that there are many loving families waiting. My daugher loves to tell people that her momma and daddy "pick-ed" her!
Good luck with your baby. I am certain by the tone of your letter that your child will be loved regardless of your decesion to seek adoption or not.