First of all--what an idiot I am--I posted a huge long post to everyone the other day--took about 30 mins to write it all with some great info and forgot to click post before closing out and lost it all!! I was so mad, and I feel bad because everyone seems to be more down than before. Cheer up. I know how hard this is for everyone. I cried almost every day before surgery, and had major ups and downs through the whole process. I wouldn't leak one day, and instead I would convince myself that I was ok and didn't need the surgery. The next day I would leak horrible and just cry and feel sorry for myself. I think that having this surgery was the best thing I could have done for myself. I went into the surgery knowing full well that I might not have a 100% improvement, but finally convinced myself that if I just continued on the way I was, that there would surely not be any improvement. I know this is scary, but we all deserve to live normal lives free from this horrible problem. All I can do is provide a little bit of hope for you all that you can get better. I know that everyone has not had the same success as I have, but you need to be as positive as you can and be prepared for the worst, and hope for the absolute best. This is how I went into surgery. I knew I was trying to fix the problem the best that I could, and I prayed a lot that things would go well. For me, I have a completely normal life now. No leaking or smearing, or incomplete evacuation at all. I am however having major issues with other parts of my health and I feel the same desperation as you all in that area of my life. I was at the hospital yesterday all day having tests done and am now on 5 different medications to help with major pain that I have from an auto-immune connective tissue disease. I too get down all the time about my health on my bad days, and feel great on my good days and try to convince myself that I don't have a chronic disease. It is a very normal coping mechanism. What you need is the support to lift you back up. When I was going through all of this Decav, I also had an 18 month old son who would cry at the bottom of the stairs..."MOMMA" for me when I was on bed-rest. I know how you feel. I couldn't pick him up for 5 weeks, but did a lot of snuggling in bed and reading books with him, and playing dinosaurs. I actually think I spent more time with all my kids because they thought it was fun to have movie night in mommas bed, and breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed with mommy! It is hard, but you will be better soon.
As far as the urgency goes, Yu will have that for a while, but it does get better, and now 4 months post op, I can hold all urges without any difficulty. I too sometimes have some problems even at my stage. I forgot to take my fiber for 3 days because I was out of my routine and I had a 3 hour (no kidding) experience on the toilet with constipation the other day. It was awful. I made myself bleed again, and it is a constant reminder that my life has changed and includes fiber on a daily basis. For those of you who are experiencing some leaking, szsv, I think that eliminating the miralax is a good idea--That is what I wrote in my earlier deleted post. I think you are doing fiber overload and may see some improvement after experimenting with that a little. I know I felt like I had to take what the dr. told me too in the beginning, but I soon learned that my body was mine, and maybe a little tweaking here and there from the dr.s orders would be best for me. I had good success when I did that. I would not recommend taking any laxatives unless you have not had a BM or feel pressure, fullness and bloating. I would stick with regulating your diet and fiber intake as well as lots of water. Also, if you feel like you are getting in trouble with constipation or not going, Milk of magnesium is very gentle and worked for me to get things started without giving me major diarrhea. On the other hand, a 1/2 dose of immodium may be in order if the opposite is occurring.
Everyone, hang in there--Give yourselves time to heal. It is a long process with bumps in the road, little setbacks, and lots of revisions. Play around with your diets and fiber, and most of all, think positive! You had this surgery in hopes of getting better, and if you didn't go ahead with it---your daily problems probably would not have improved. I think of you all often and know how hard it is.
Lisa--:angel: praying for you
Hugs to all,