Discussions that mention prozac

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I am new to this forum and unsure how to proceed. I have been facing so many many challenges, I just want to find a place to talk. Most colleagues and casual friends prefer me at my lighthearted best. I need a place to be as dark and down as I feel. I am not suicidal and have a therapist. But I would like to talk about the tough issues freely.

I will make a dark list. There is a bright list too, but I want to talk about the dark side so to speak. I am not impulsive or destructive. I just have no where to open up my heaviest feelings.

1. I am not particularly social. I get very lonely. I am fat and ugly. I hate diets, and most men like slender younger women. Why do I feel so sad about being alone.

2. I have two special needs teenagers, now. Since they were born, I have cared for them. I am tired. I get so overwhelmed, I want to abandon them. And then, I feel so worried about the one's future I can hardly face it. She has spastic diplegia and a mild learning disorder and has been diagnosed as being bipolar. Recently she seemed to be hallucinating. That happened one other time apparently in response to Prozac. But this time there was not medication. When she started talking nonsense to me in the car when I picked her up from her volunteer job, I felt this very quiet stillness form inside me, like when you know you are afraid on the airplane, but have to stay calm to keep your children oblivious to the fear. I am so sad as I write I am crying. I can say that here can't I. There are many rules. Anyway of course I did absolutely everything I should and the long and the short of it is the psychiatrist thinks she was dehydrated at her outdoor job. Pfew, right. But does there not seem to be this place her mind is going when her body is not right? She is 16. What happens in her twenties. I am so afraid. I sent her and her dog and her sister to their father's tonight. He can be so grumpy, and she called to tell me she wanted to come home, but I just needed to be alone tonight.

3.I am so so disorganized. I did not really understand a form I needed to send in to keep my kids state funded health insurance which pays for the phenomenally expensive meds and it ran out and I paid over 100 dollars today for her meds. But I always have trouble doing the insurance paperwork. I get behind on my own antidepressants, though at the moment I have managed to keep regularly on my meds through borrowing and periodically paying. I just can't find the mail order form. It was so much easier to take the prescription to the pharmacy. I feel like such a loser. I just don't seem to manage at the level I am supposed to.

4. Okay. This is ridiculous. But honestly there is more. I'll tryjust to list.

5. My mother was always sort of crazy and now is becoming demented.

6. Both of my brothers are substance abusers, one is recovering now nigh on 30 years, but the other just keeps falling off the wagon.

7. I did not love the man I married. I was so out of it with panic attacks back then and anxiety, and he was so forceful, that even though I felt he did not keep up with me intellectually and even though he was a racist and very very critical of many things, I had someone who loved me. But his rages did not go away. His shoving and spitting and red faced anger ruled my life. I ended up divorcing him about 5 years ago. He got the therapy he needed.

8. I said in list form. Sorry.

9. My boss is a very very demanding person whom others avoid. My boss is my boss whom I can not avoid. It is tearing me up to work in my job. But I need the insurance, income, retirement.

10. I bought a fourth dog. I love her. I researched her breed and I love her and she is a cuddle bunny and will protect me. But come on. A fourth dog? With all the expenses and disorganization, I really really wanted the puppy. I want to make this work.

11. My dad is very very critical.

12. I do not nor have I ever talked to my parents about anything real.

13. My kids jump all over me (yes, I know, teenagers).

14. I have a bad knee from a sports injury in my early twenties. My whole leg hurts at times. I like to walk. The new puppy is a breed that will like to go for walks in the woods.

I think I am done.

Is life so hard for others too? Please share with me.