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Posted by Shawna on August 19, 2000 at 04:10:35:

In Reply to: to anorexic wannabes posted by elizabeth on July 18, 2000 at 20:38:35:

: This is a quip to anyone out there who "wants" to be anorexic. It's not something that you set out to do with intent, something just clicks and it consumes your life. It's not about the diet or control over your chaotic life. I have people tell me that they wish to be as thin as I am, or aren't I lucky...there is no luck involved in having anorexia, bulimia or a combination of the two.
: Do you know what it is like to lose everything that was once your life, and live in the vacant stare of an eating disorder. I would rather stay at home than go out with my friends, because they might be eating. I no longer spend time with my parents because they will want to go out to lunch and I can't let anything pass my lips. Forget about friends, because anorexia will be your only true friend. You will think about food all of the time, and your mind will be consumed with counting calories, and the wish of food. You will not have time to think of anything else. It robs the life out of you.
: If the thought of isolation doesn't due it, lets talk about the self harm and self hatred that comes along with it...I have taken up slicing and dicing my body to punish myself for eating. If you don't turn to cutting, you will eventually turn to purging to get rid of the calories you will allow yourself to ingest. My teeth are stripped of all of their enamel, I constantly have a sore throat, and now I am throwing up blood. How attractive.

: Now for the bone density. I didn't have a menstrual cycle for 2 years, and now have the bones of an old woman. I have an irregular heartbeat from all of the purging and starvation. And lets not forget that lovely layer of hair that you will grow because your body is cold...all of the time. Sitting in a chair requires some planning, because your bones hurt...all of the time. I have also had a bulging disc in my spine from purging all of time.

: You will also become obsessed with exercise. I used to exercise for up to 3 hours a day. It's what I lived for.

: Do eating disorders still seem glamorous to you?

: Look at yourself in the mirror when you throw up. The bloodshot eyes, saliva, heart palpitations and vomit should be appealing.

: I can't give my eating disorder up...please don't start.

Yep, I was a wannabe... and I did it!!!
I'm an anorexic with bumlimic episodes.

I'm thin. Thin as a rake they tell me. My bones jut out. People stare, make jokes sometimes. My teeth are almost entirely replaced with enamel and my face is covered with constantly infected acne because my nutrition is so bad. I have hair on my face and body and I have to sleep with a heating pad in midsummer. I have no social life, am terrified of fat, and can barely eat anything but bran. There is a good chance that I will die.

Join me, you too can have a successful eating disorder.

Shawna

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