Posted by Kathrin
on October 26, 2000 at 02:38:27:
In Reply to: Question for Kathrin posted by Anonymous on October 25, 2000 at 19:30:14:
Why did I become anorexic.. there were a lot of reasons...
For one thing there was a girl who was anorexic in my class (it was the last year of high school when i became anorexic, at age 18, about 7 1/2 years ago), and I sort of.. admired her? Hard to say why. In middle school I had always been teased andleft out, told i didn't belong, and they used to say all kinds of insults right into my face... maybe i likes the way nobody knew how to approach that girl..
Then, the year before, had just been such a turbulent year full of different feelings, full of new dreams, new experiences, i had started to write a lot of poetry... and then it all started to fade. Leaving me there in a cold winter, feeling so empty... maybe I just needed something new to hold on to?
I was also very afraid of growing up. I wrote songs and poems about how sad it was that my childhood (a happy family and everything) would soon be over. I could hardly imagine having "different dreams", waking up in a different house, leaving this sanctuary of comfort... even though on the other side, there was this URGE to go out into the world, to feel all thef reedom of new, unknown places...
What i did do, in the end, was withdraw into myself. Limit my horizons to a world that I could control and find some sort of comfort in - the world of losing weight. The world of food! My days started to turn around those things.
Yes I did feel I could lose a little weight, but not because I was overweight, but because I wanted to be "exceptionally thin" - so thin that others would worry and ask me how I was and maybe, I must have thought somewhere deep inside, maybe envy me too?
By the way a lot of anorexics are not overweight. Anorexia has all sorts of reasons. I think it has a lot to do with identity, with finding something that makes us special...
Hope this helps.